AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

At my school we are literally told to make positive phone calls and the pupils get reward points for it if we do

Our school has a policy of ringing parents to share praise. The first and only time this happened I left a meeting as could see if was the school and DCs teacher was singing their praises and I was constantly waiting for the “but…”
I would enquire about teacher giving personal compliments though and find out the context at least.

Lot's of schools try and encourage teachers to ring home to give good news if they get the time. There's not normally ever time and it's a sweet but an unimportant and low priority task so it normally falls by the wayside by pretty much everyone so it's rarely ever done.

The eye comment is an odd compliment coming from a teacher but in isolation, the teacher probably has just been thoughtless. Although today with my Year 8's, we were collecting data of eye colour in the class to make bar charts. This involved students looking into each others eyes and I definitely said some "you have some of the biggest eyelashes I've ever seen!" or "you've got some really interesting golden colours in there!". I wouldn't ever outright compliment a student or mention their physical appearance otherwise, and especially not out of context.

It's creepy.

I'm still annoyed with my parents for not making more of a fuss about one of my sister's teachers saying 'it's great she doesn't use her looks to get what she wants', when my sister was 14.

Not jumping to conclusions at all 🙄.

Some schools teachers are encouraged to phone home with positive calls

It is! I don't miss it being a policy. But I'll still try and send the odd positive email where I can, I do find students and families really appreciate it and that families aren't just hearing from us when it's bad news.

It is strange though that a male teacher especially said it, the male teachers I know are even more careful with what they say and do. For example, one experienced male teacher in the girls' school I work at point blank refuses to comment on skirt length etc as part of the uniform policy and what we're supposed to check as tutors. I fully agree! Absolute minefield and he knows better than to get involved.

Obviously you need to know if it was the same teacher, but either way the comment (if it happened as you've heard) needs to be flagged to the school.

It's odd that he phoned you to sing your DD's praises. Teachers don't usually do that.

They did in early years at DC secondary - so mostly DD1 got it - head changes and whole ethos changed as staff left on next few years. I also on open evening for a younger child had head of year rush over to tell us how wonderful DD1 was - which felt bit odd but seemed sincere.

The eyes commnet I would require context for - DS been told by a primay teacher he had lovely eyes but I was there and it was part of a wider discussion on eye colour.

You definitely should chat to your daughter in a low key manner but please before you start implying massively serious accusations check what has happened.

At the moment all you know is that a new teacher hasn't caught on to the schools usual praise procedures. Considering the intro day has 5 hours of info thrown at you and usually about 60 pages of procedures in a book to read this is not massively surprising. They will pick it up in time.

Potentially a different teacher has made a comment that could be x has nice eyes they are focused on her work.

If it is something more then you need to know but starting a witch hunt without all the information is irresponsible.

Yeah, it's an absolute pain in the arse.

We do? But I agree it's odd. I'll sometimes say to students oh your hair looks nice today but I'm a female teacher in a girls' school

No teacher's life has been ruined because one parent told the school he had complimented a child's eyes and given some positive feedback. The worst that can happen is he'll get "professional advice" which will protect him in future.

Many children's lives have been ruined because no one spotted or took action at the early stages of grooming.

I know , it’s ridiculous.

I'm inclined to think it's crossed wires/a mishearing about the eyes comment, seeing as your usually communicative DD hasn't mentioned it and your mum has only told you about it now.
But you obviously need to talk to your DD to get to the bottom of it.

Agree with everyone else.

Schools phoning parents with a 'good news' call is perfectly normal, and one of those things that comes in and out of fashion in education. Perfectly normal for schools to go through phases when staff are made to do this, and also perfectly normal for individual teachers to just realise it can be a nice thing to do.

What your mother told you - I'd want to hear from dd what the context was.

Creepy. Yanbu.

He's grooming her. Is he a PE teacher? They're the worst

I’m baffled at the outrage on here.

1. Teacher calls to say child did well - perfectly normal, and could be a new strategy just introduced by the school.
2. sending a “well done” post card home - again, perfectly normal.
3. Saying a pupil has nice eyes - not normal, but at the moment we don’t even know if it happened.

Meanwhile, some posters on here seem to want the new teacher strung up for being an obvious paedophile!

Christ, what a palaver for the teachers. Do they have to do it for a certain number of students each week? Is it one of those 'every student needs a phone call at least once each term, so you just have to find something nice to say'? Would emails not be more sensible? That's fascinating, though.

As a subject teacher I used to phone students’ parents with good news- it’s what we did in our department so just because you’ve not come across it doesn’t make it weird. He’s come from a different school and that’s how they did it there presumably.

Be careful jumping to conclusions because lazy accusations can end a good teacher’s career and life. (Not saying you’ve done this but just be careful).

However, if a teacher did comment on your child’s eyes (whether this man or someone else) that needs to be looked into. More clarification needed from your DD first of all as to whom, when, where and context. Then depending on her response it could need a complaint raised formally.

@scoobysnaxx before she’s even asked her daughter about it?

Positive phone calls are one of the many things schools do now including certificates in assembly.

All you can do is get the details, OP, and it's likely nothing to worry about, but YANBU to be uneasy and want to check.

Tangentially – actually calling parents just to tell them that their child behaved or achieved well is a thing in the UK? Do you not do certificates during assembly?