AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

Him ringing up is fine, making a personal comment about a student's appearance is not.

All sounds odd. Him ringing up is bizarre. I'd be talking to the head.

Actually, that's a good point!

Her eyes were sparkling when she'd solved the maths problem?
Her eyes lit up when she got 100% in the test?
We were drawing animals today and she really got the snake's eyes done nicely?
We were learning about the eye in Physics, and she drew and labelled nicely?
She usually looks shy, but today it was interesting to see she made eye contact with her project group?

If someone couldn't understand English well, it would be understandable for them to say something that sounds weird, meaning something completely innocent, that not long ago no one would have nasty thoughts about. Obviously if a teacher can't express themselves using appropriate words, that is another problem.

@MajorProcrastination- the teacher should never have said that to Lucy and they know that. Hours of child protection and safeguarding make you very aware.

Yes that is creepy and I am aware of my own sensitivities/experiences in this area. He should not be commented on physical attractiveness.

Teachers really can’t please anyone can they! New and beginning teachers are regularly told one of the best ways to connect with families is to call parents when their child is doing well.

Usually teachers are so busy with those who need help, paperwork and planning that this is something that they just don’t find time to do.

This teacher has done that and now you and your mum are suspicious of their motives. I feel for this teacher.

TWO SEPARATE THINGS HERE

1. the phone call home with positive news. This is something that High Schools are trying to be better at. Positive feedback about the pupils to their parents/carers. This is so important for relationships between school and home. It helps to stop the dread of a call or an email from school, it helps to build pride and recognition for effort, attitude, resilience etc. I've had postcards home about my boys, it's lovely. I remember when I was in 6th form at my school and a teacher asked to speak with me - I shat myself thinking I was going to be in trouble (for what I don't know) and he just said "I'm really impressed with your attitude, you've asked some mature and insightful questions, your engagement has really helped the whole class and I'm glad you chose this subject, well done". And it was the first time I'd ever ever ever had positive verbal face to face feedback despite being an A grade pupil, it really stuck with me, made me feel good to have my hard work noticed and I ended up doing that subject all the way through Uni and into my career. Positive feedback from teachers makes a difference.
2. the comment about her eyes is a third hand story by now and you've not even talked with your daughter about it yet and you have no idea about what exactly was said, what the context was, anything. do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions before you have all of the information.

It's also completely taken the focus off the positive feedback from school. When your daughter's home, any praise or pride will get sucked away by focusing on this eye comment.

I'm not saying to ignore it, just find out what actually happened and what was actually said and what came before and after it and all of that. But make sure the positive feedback isn't lost in that.

e.g. History lesson, they're looking at source materials which include photos of people, let's say Jackie O and your daughter says "she's beautiful, I wish I had big eyes like that, I hate my tiny piggy eyes", teacher overhears and says "you've got lovely eyes Lucy, now let's turn over to page 45".

e.g. Drama lesson, practical group work, 5 pupils all facing forward in a freeze at the end of an improv scene, Teacher says "Catrin your eyes are a bit intense for this moment, Tom you're looking a bit nonchalant over there, Lucy you've got lovely eyes for this moment, Molly good effort and Osian lovely eyes too.

I'm just making things up but that's all anyone can do with the information you've shared so far.

He shouldn't have done that at all.

I understand you feeling uneasy, i would too. You really need the full context and to speak with your daughter. A male teacher once told me I had lovely hair. He was saying that because he heard me saying I might get it cut to one of my friends. He wasn't being creepy, he just told me not to get it cut because it looked lovely and long like his wife's. Equally, DD teacher may be a creep amd has overstepped the mark. Find out more and see what your gut tells you.

You need to speak to your daughter and get the full story.
You have no context so no idea if it was appropriate or not.

He definitely needs to be spoken to, he shouldn't be commenting on her appearance. At all.

No. It needs raising with the school because there is a small possibility of grooming, and if no one reports no one will know if there is a pattern of this behaviour or if it escalates.

If it is a one off, he's probably kicking himself for being a bit crass when he was trying to be supportive, and no action will be taken beyond (maybe) some professional advice.

No, it's policy in many schools (qv). I kept it to the minimum and mostly emailed.

Hmmm, I want to think he was just being nice, but it is a little bit weird.

YANBU @Kickinthenostalgia

It's virtually unheard of for a secondary teacher to phone a parent and start randomly complimenting their child.

For starters they have lives of their own and regularly teach probably upto 100 kids a day. The last thing they'd do is spend their spare time calling up parents about their children for no reason. And complimenting their appearance? Massive creep.

The IT teacher at my school was sacked for something like this back in about 1990. I can't imagine safeguarding policy has got more lax since then.

And this is why schools find it so hard to recruit male teachers.

This man has done a totally normal thing of phoning and praising.

You have no idea of it’s same teacher who said ‘something’ about her eyes, or indeed if anyone did or what they said. It’s a second hand piece of info.

Yet, this poor teacher is grooming her….

Ask dd what happened as we need more info to properly advise you

To be fair, Donald Trump would be the last person to call in these circumstances, what with him being a Friend of Epstein and all.

You actually say that? Really?
For years now, the advice has been: do not make comments on students' personal appearance, positive or negative.

I don't think anyone is saying she is being groomed, only that OP should be alive to it as a possibility.

It's the old thing about never thinking it would never happen here.

I’ve also said things like ‘you don’t need all that mascara/ false eyelashes you’ve got lovely eyes’ or something like that. Or if kids have to wear glasses and don’t want to some sort of compliment about them enhancing their eyes.
Bear in mind that you don’t even know if it’s the same teacher I think the posters who say she is being groomed are reaching a bit!