AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

I did my trainin in 2009 and it was already a thing.
And actually this is one of the few admin things I absolutely love doing, definitely not a waste of time. By the time I see parents for parent evening, a lot of them know me and we have a much more positive dialogue. Kids love receiving these. Plus often we get lovely emails back from parents.

Id much rather do this than filling in endless intervention, exam result analysis, lesson obs reflections, analysis of form group performance, reports of support I did with underachieving students, and a lot of bs that we do anyways but dont count unless I write a few paragraphs about them. I agree there is a lot of solly/stupid/pointless tasks we do do, this is not one of them.

All schools are different. I used to work at a school where all phone calls had to go through a head of year or someone senior as staff randomly calling parents was causing problems (probably where the teacher was complaining about behaviour not praising but it was a blanket policy.)

Things have changed since mine were at school. - early 2010s. None of this was ever a thing - ever.

and

When did this start though? Mine left early 2010s and this was never a thing then - or before - at any school I have ever know of.

I had dc at secondary between 2005 and 2019
It was definitely a thing then.

#Newsflash# Different school have different policies and different cultures.

When did this start though? Mine left early 2010s and this was never a thing then - or before - at any school I have ever know of.

What a waste of teacher/teaching resources!

Plenty of teachers do that at my DC's school (phone to sing praises). I think it's lovely that it's not just negative interactions.

Yes it's weird. As someone who works in a school. If I witnessed a male teacher saying a child had nice eyes I'd report it.

What fresh hell is this? 3 'praise' phone calls a week, and 'flattery' emails and the like.

Things have changed since mine were at school. - early 2010s. None of this was ever a thing - ever.

One woman on my Facebook page (lives in my village) has a son in secondary school who is 12. Yesterday she posted a photograph of a short handwritten letter/note that a teacher had sent 'Well done to Jayden for listening really well in science, he has been a really good boy today. All the best ... Mr Keaton.' with a gold star sticker on it like you'd give to a 5 year old.

This is the third thing like this that Jayden has had this term. (So in 3 weeks.)
It's so fucking weird. I'm cringing every time I see it. This shit (commenting on their work,) was always kept for end of term reports. Not a weekly note to the parents for them to photograph and put on bastard Facebook!

Why is this happening? Don't teachers have enough shit to deal with, and work to do, without this fucking nonsense?!

We’re told to do 3 “praise phone calls” per week. It’s not that unusual.

Havent bothered to read the updates, have you?

My school has an internal policy we need to ring or email parents of a number of kids. I have been doing that since I started teaching 20+ years ago. You dont even have to be an overenthusiastic young person to do this, it's genuinely a thing we are told to build up good relationships with parents.

I do it twice a week and email a bunch of others. Maybe it's your kid that may be an issue, but it's very frequent to ring parents to tell them about their children achievements in most schools I have worked at.

That being said, it is a bit of a strange remark, I dont think it has to be something super creepy off the bat, but Id definitely monitor.

It does sound odd and very unprofessional.

Some teachers make a point of making positive calls sometimes so that the well behaved students don’t feel overlooked. In some classes, it becomes a real motivator and nice reward, e.g. which student will get the positive call on a Friday. Some schools have a policy for it, e.g. one positive call a week.

Comment on the student’s eyes does not sound appropriate, however, unless there’s a context we don’t know about. Example - child is crying because someone has made a nasty comment about their eyes, and the teacher says innocuously to reassure ‘Oh, how unpleasant. That’s not ok, and you’ve got lovely eyes.’ I wouldn’t do it myself, but have definitely come across lots of well-meaning but perhaps in today’s context ill-advised examples like this.

Our school does encourage teachers to call home with praise. Some of them pick 1-3 kids every lesson to ring home about! However if it is the same teacher then yes, I would be wary.

I've had teachers call to tell me how lovely and hard working my son is. We've also had serval postcards sent home.

As for the OP- so many overreactions if you ask me. If she has a striking eye colour, it's not that usual that someone may comment on them.

I don't think there is anything to report with either issue.

Teachers are often told they should make positive phone calls home and that there is often too much focus on negative behaviour. It's a shame that so many people see this as suspicious if it's a male teacher calling about a female student.

The eye comment was likely to be random making conversation. Again staff are often told to build a rapport with students and this helps engage in the classrooms. The eye comment might not have been the best, but I am also sure if that teacher had asked do you go swimming at the weekends at the leisure centre for example that would also be seen as inappropriate.

Your children probably went to shit schools then. Good schools do ring and give praise where it’s due. As evidenced by the 30 or so posters that preceded your comment. Yawn

As an ex teacher- the eyes comment is definitely odd. As a general rule, you don’t comment on their appearance (outside of “oh love the new glasses- they really suit you Jessica!” Or “nice haircut Toby” at the very most, but phoning home for praise isn’t weird- i used to try and do one positive phone call home every week for someone because there are so many lovely kids who work so hard, are kind and respectful that are always overlooked because they’re just always good, that it was lovely to be able to phone with a nice quick “well done”. It may be something they did at their old school and they’ve just phone instead of sending a postcard.

30 years ago a senior teacher at my school gave a leaving card to one girl saying "To the best legs in year 11" 😬

Just to jump in re: the positive phone call aspect. It might not be the done thing everywhere but it is something I have always tried to do since the beginning of my career and it makes me sad that it's being seen as odd and something untoward. We were actively encouraged to do it at one school and it was always well received as when school does ring it's not usually for happy reasons (several parents have commented this to me over the years). I always used to do it on a Friday afternoon before leaving as it ended my week positively and I hoped it would be a nice thing for parents and students at the end of a busy week too.

I won't comment on the appearance comment - probably an unwise thing to say as it could make students feel uncomfortable but I don't know the context (as well as wholeheartedly admitting I have not read the whole thread...)

Happy Thursday evening

No, it's not about context. Teachers should not speak to students like that and they know it.

I know it was 30 years ago but my year 7 teacher used to say I looked like Audrey Hepburn and commented on my eyes. He was male. It really depends on context and how it made your daughter feel. Unless she felt actually uncomfortable by what he said I'd let it go unless it keeps happening

Yes completely different! School postcards are usually printed by the school and teachers encouraged to hand them to the student or leave them to be mailed home by the main office.

And if you’re female and telling a male pupil you like their hair? FFS.

Hmmm teachers should be clever enough to know their rules and protocol! I’m not a teacher, but even I know that a male teacher telling a teen girl she has lovely eyes would not be appropriate!