AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

I had inappropriate attention from a male teacher in 6th form. Some years later I worked with a very pretty girl who attended the same 6th form a few years after me. She talked about this same teacher whose favourite pupil she was, and he even came to see her parents at home one evening to discuss how fantastic she was.
Your situation is giving me the same vibes.

This thread really shows the worst, witch hunt aspect of mumsnet. People jumping over themselves going "teachers don't phone" when many examples on the thread say they do, and people wanting to report to the school comments based on hearsay.

I hope these people reflect, especially the ones wanting to cause trouble over the vaunted "spider sense" or "gut instinct" but I know they won't. They just want the drama.

she said
‘oh jeez, I hope he don’t mention my eyes again’ to which her friend replied.
’ok but (Name) you have such lovely green eyes”

The comment from the friend suggests that the eyes in question really are unusual, striking, in some way memorable.
I work with hundreds of kids and try to remember who is who by memorising their faces. I never comment on their appearance but sometimes in my head I do think "gosh those eyes", or "what an unusual face". I can imagine someone thinking out loud, without any dubious intentions.
I wouldn't worry about it unless there was other concerning context.

And yet you created a post which is bound to wind everyone up…

Agree. I was very happy to call or email with praise. It’s rubbish to have to only call for bad behaviour. If a student deserved a ‘good’ call, I’d do it, it’s very motivating and makes the parents really happy. Equally, I’d send praise postcards or give them out in our regular rewards assemblies. I’ve just signed off the Language Leader award students, different case, I know, but I like to motivate students!

Re commenting on pretty eyes, I’ll tell a student they look great on eg non uniform days if I genuinely like their outfit or they look great for whatever reason, eg the Pakistani boys in traditional gear on our Culture days or the Polish girl in her traditional outfit. Equally, I might tell someone they look great in their football top. I might say that someone’s new haircut looks great or their make up is nice. I might even say I love their eye colour! (We do a lot of physical description in languages) I think a male teacher commenting on a girl’s eyes might be misconstrued. It’s definitely trickier for male teachers.

The teachers in our school
ring to say when a child is going well.

My word, sending postcards home to praise students hss been going on for years! I prefer to write them out immediately to give to parents rather than causing more admin for others.

I got a phone call from my daughter’s head of year to let me know she was top of the leader board for positive points and that he wanted to let me know as parents shouldn’t always get negative calls. It was lovely. I am also a teacher.

The comment about the eyes does sound inappropriate if quoted correctly. Context is everything. But definitely follow it up.

Each half term, for each subject at at my Daughters Secondary School, the best achieving child’s parents are given a phone call from the teacher to basically tell them how hard they have worked and to pass on praise!

The first time it happened we were a bit surprised, but now she has been there a while we are used to it!

I think the school ethos is that parents shouldn’t just be contacted for negative behaviour, but also positive behaviour too!

So you don't even know which teacher/s, if the same teacher? Yet getting advice on here to raise a safeguarding issue before you've even found out the context.

He said this to an adult, not the child, so could simply be a case of an art teacher whose class has been drawing and she drew some punk eyes and he said oh what lovely eyes, a kind of in the moment joke to mention in a call so that when DD comes in she has a tale to tell and the context.

Please find out more before jumping to conclusions and if they are validated absolutely raise a concern because all concerns are acted upon, especially if it is a creepy and inappropriate trait, this teacher will already be on a high alert and collection of evidence paramount.

They do actually, the school my sons attend have rang many a time over the years to share how pleased they are with progress and their attitudes to learning. It’s lovely to get an update in between parents evening and having teaching staff who are very busy, finding the time to call and give praise.

I’ve had a teacher phone me to tell me how well my son is doing in her lessons.
I didn’t think it was a thing, either.

Not read the whole post, just OPs comments.
I won't comment on the eye thing.

But I want to say that often trainee teachers are encouraged to make positive phone calls home. It's an example of 'communicating with parents' for their evidence, and it's a nice target for a mentor to set (eg this week make three positive phone calls). This might be what's happening here - or if he's newly qualified he might have kept the habit from his training. It can be a very pleasant thing to do, call a parent and praise their child, it gives you a lift after a difficult day.

As a teacher, yes it's definitely a bit strange and what we have foresight to deem as inappropriate really, especially for a new teacher.

I have actually made comments like this over the years but only having known the students for a long time, to lift them up, and within context. Lighthearted flattery, pointing out their positive academic and personal qualities and then a little 'and as for those gorgeous long eyelashes, do you know how much we have to pay for those!'

Could this male teacher perhaps be a little 'theatrical'? I've come across many who are simply a bit flamboyant, effeminate and do say things like oh girl you have beautiful eyes/love your glitter headband (to pupils and staff alike). Completely harmless with no creepiness, just their personalities.

Just giving my reaction as this what I would immediately think from experience but do agree it's not what most would say. Try to find out more about the teacher and you will get a better picture and when you meet him; if he comes up to you and says darling I'm so delighted to meet you and see where your daughter gets her amazing eyes from ...

But we can’t give any advice unless he know if it’s the same teacher and to be honest as a parent the first thing I’d do is speak to my child not rush to MN.

I had a teacher like this who said similar things to my parents about me. He was sacked a few years later after an 'affair' with a 13 year old pupil. Trust your instincts.

I was at high school from 1985 until 1992 and back then I do remember the odd comment here and there from male teachers about me and my friends' physical appearance 😳..both complimentary comments and also not so complimentary!
You would hope things had moved on since then but maybe not ..😬

That’s really creepy, and the way he waited for them to reach 16 as well 😬

To get a bit of moral support before broaching the subject?

Trust your instinct - it does sound a bit odd. And the phoning you as well. I had female teachers compliment me now and then back in the 80s and 90s, and that was fine at my Catholic school but it’s interesting to recall that none of the male teachers did, even if they thought it. But it wouldn’t have mattered if they did because I viewed them as mother and father figures, and there was always a respectful appropriate distance there. Today is different though - as a society we’ve lost our standards and with those our boundaries. Bring back decorum 💖 And don’t gaslight yourself OP - that teacher’s behaviour is odd.

My department at a secondary school do weekly calls to parents of chosen 'good' pupils that week. My department head does it and he enjoys ending the week on a positive note and parents are usually over the moon. As a school there isn't much in way of recognising well behaved kids and we find it works really well. Kids enjoy it too, even the oldest ones though they might pretend they don't! Some of the comments on here make it sound bizarre to do... Can't win in this world unfortunately! If they never heard from the school they would be first in line to complain about it too!

Why have you come to MN instead of speaking to your DD first?!

@Kickinthenostalgiaif it had been the same teacher who had called you up also commenting on her eyes I would have advised you to report it. Something happened at my school -

There was an art teacher who was also my form tutor for final year. He had a daughter in my year and another daughter two years younger. I remember in a mock exam he was invigilating he kept looking at me which made me paranoid he thought I was cheating. Afterwards some girls came up and said he was drawing a picture of me. When he was later my form tutor he would wax lyrical about me in almost poetic language.

It never went further… with me. But two years after I left he was fired because he was having an affair with a student in his youngest daughter’s year. Horrendous. And imagine his wife was also a teacher, they got divorced. The girl moved into a houseboat with him after her A levels

He was the first person I thought of when you described it as being the same teacher

That’s not right that. Also looking at it from the point of view of the other parents. I don’t imagine that they’d be pleased either not only because there is a potential creep teaching their Kid but they could also think Why is Daughter or Son not getting praised. Parents don’t like favouritism it pisses them right off

I just post without reading comments first. So thanks for pointing this out?