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AIBU?

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Original poster

Like him but struggling with this physical feature that apparently all men have of a certain age?

171 replies

Numppp · 23/09/2026 20:45

Met someone lovely. I do fancy him. But, he has a small bum. He very much needs a belt. It’s basically flat. He’s late 40s and lost a lot of weight in last few years (previously overweight now a healthy weight) which I think has emphasised this even more.

Girlfriends are saying this is normal with age (he’s around 8 years older than me) and happens with all men. Does it?! I’ve never noticed it before. I don’t want this to be an issue as I really do like him. We’ve not DTD yet

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 23/09/2026 21:01

I don't think it's an age thing, it sounds more like a particular issue that he has. Perhaps to do with the weight loss and his general activity levels. It certainly doesn't happen to all men in their 40s! Your friend is misguided on that.

Shloopie · 23/09/2026 21:00

She's allowed ask questions about bums or the lack thereof on an anonymous forum. It's not like she's saying to his face 'Oi, Dave, why is your arse so skinny?'

Peonysandponies · 23/09/2026 20:59

And you yourself are perfect op? No cellulite or wobbly bits?
I GUARANTEE if he posted somewhere that he really liked you but was put off by your “wobbly” thighs, you’d ditch him. And you be right to.
People obsessed by physical attributes do not make good partners or spouses.

MixedBananas · 23/09/2026 20:58

Sound slike he lost weight but did no attength training or weight lifting to build muscle. When massive weight loss happens the first thing to go is muscle. And for men they loose their butts.

I am also not attracted to that. And my husbnad is mid 40s and has nonissues in that department.

lolarosea · 23/09/2026 20:58

I'm in my 30s and have dated a few pancake bums, I always think it must hurt them to sit on a hard chair 😂not just an age thing, they just don't naturally store as much fat around there

ForTooLong · 23/09/2026 20:57

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/09/2026 20:47

Reverse this.

How would you feel if he was saying this about you.

Either you like him or you don’t. You shouldn’t give up on a connection because his body isn’t perfect.

I hate people saying that. It’s normal to want to be attracted to a partner and it’s ok to not have a relationship with someone for any reason. That reason may seem silly to others but if it matters to you, it’s ok.

LVPLVT · 23/09/2026 20:56

I didn’t realise anyone was interested in men’s arses tbh 😂 if arses mean a lot to you then I can see why this would be a problem.

Westfacing · 23/09/2026 20:54

BeMintFatball · 23/09/2026 20:51

At what age do men’s bums disappear, asking for a friend 😂

My DH still has a shapely bottom at 61. He swims and does yoga regularly.

For all his faults, my late ex still had a shapely bum at 70 so your chap will be OK!

TankFlyBossW4lk · 23/09/2026 20:53

Westfacing · 23/09/2026 20:50

People do suffer muscular atrophy as they age

Poor bastard is only in his 40s!

Completely agree with this. He probably didn't have a big set of glutes in his heyday. But FFS, how would you feel if he didn't want to give it a go cos he didn't like your rack 🙄

Ohthatsabitshit · 23/09/2026 20:52

It’s just his body shape not some magic 40 plus disappearing butt.

BeMintFatball · 23/09/2026 20:51

At what age do men’s bums disappear, asking for a friend 😂

My DH still has a shapely bottom at 61. He swims and does yoga regularly.

Original poster
Numppp · 23/09/2026 20:50

autumnisherenow · 23/09/2026 20:49

It happens to females too, mine has disappeared into my legs.

@autumnisherenow yes mine has a bit too but women seem to be plumper with age so look a bit healthier generally

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 23/09/2026 20:50

My OH has virtually no bum. He walks around 10-12 miles a day as part of his job so certainly isnt inactive. Its just the way it is.

Ive never had a bum and have none now.

Princessfluffy · 23/09/2026 20:50

If he starts working out it won’t be an issue

Westfacing · 23/09/2026 20:50

People do suffer muscular atrophy as they age

Poor bastard is only in his 40s!

autumnisherenow · 23/09/2026 20:49

It happens to females too, mine has disappeared into my legs.

Original poster
Numppp · 23/09/2026 20:49

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 23/09/2026 20:47

Sounds like he is just out of shape?

People do suffer muscular atrophy as they age but obviously training/ doing sport etc mitigates against that.

So it sounds like he has lost weight but is inactive. That would personally be a turn off for me, but to each their own I guess.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff he’s definitely not into sports or anything but he does walk and eats well, he’s not just sat around doing nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
Numppp · 23/09/2026 20:48

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/09/2026 20:47

Reverse this.

How would you feel if he was saying this about you.

Either you like him or you don’t. You shouldn’t give up on a connection because his body isn’t perfect.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon well obviously I would feel a bit shit. But that’s why im posting here rather than saying oh I don’t like your bum

OP posts:
ObvsOctober · 23/09/2026 20:48

My pilates instructor said that unless men work their glutes, this happens to them with age.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 23/09/2026 20:47

Sounds like he is just out of shape?

People do suffer muscular atrophy as they age but obviously training/ doing sport etc mitigates against that.

So it sounds like he has lost weight but is inactive. That would personally be a turn off for me, but to each their own I guess.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/09/2026 20:47

Reverse this.

How would you feel if he was saying this about you.

Either you like him or you don’t. You shouldn’t give up on a connection because his body isn’t perfect.

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