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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Like him but struggling with this physical feature that apparently all men have of a certain age?

171 replies

Numppp · 23/09/2026 20:45

Met someone lovely. I do fancy him. But, he has a small bum. He very much needs a belt. It’s basically flat. He’s late 40s and lost a lot of weight in last few years (previously overweight now a healthy weight) which I think has emphasised this even more.

Girlfriends are saying this is normal with age (he’s around 8 years older than me) and happens with all men. Does it?! I’ve never noticed it before. I don’t want this to be an issue as I really do like him. We’ve not DTD yet

OP posts:
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nomas · 25/09/2026 12:28

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/09/2026 20:47

Reverse this.

How would you feel if he was saying this about you.

Either you like him or you don’t. You shouldn’t give up on a connection because his body isn’t perfect.

People are allowed to stop dating someone whatever reason they like.

It's not an equal opportunities game.

JHound · 25/09/2026 10:53

Treelins · 25/09/2026 10:43

Well if you’re taking my comments literally then you’re correct but the majority of women and girls didn’t see a big bum as a desirable trait.

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Ok in the UK that’s likely true.

Treelins · 25/09/2026 10:43

JHound · 25/09/2026 10:16

Not sure it’s “no-one”. Plenty of communities where big bums were favoured. There was even a song about it.

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Well if you’re taking my comments literally then you’re correct but the majority of women and girls didn’t see a big bum as a desirable trait.

JHound · 25/09/2026 10:16

Treelins · 24/09/2026 01:21

in the late 90’s and 2000’s no one wanted a big bum. Crazy how fashions change 😂

Does my bum look big in this? Yes. Slap!
Does my bum look big in this? Yes. Why thank you 🤩

Edited

Not sure it’s “no-one”. Plenty of communities where big bums were favoured. There was even a song about it.

Periperi2025 · 25/09/2026 10:03

If it puts you off it puts you off.

But within a few years your body will start going through far more rapid and drastic changes than his flat bum, so if you can't get your head around this minor physical difference in middle aged men, then I suggest you start doing some serious mental preperation regarding your expectation for yourself, ready for perimenopause/ menopause.

HRTQueen · 25/09/2026 09:58

you learn something everyday

I never knew this happened to men

op if it’s off putting it’s off putting we don’t have to like everything about a partner and in long term relationships it’s a deeper connection so we overlook the off putting parts about someone

in a less serious relationship we don’t so much and then find other things we don’t like …

Floatlikeafeather2 · 25/09/2026 09:26

Shloopie · 24/09/2026 19:59

I hope I'm still nibbling on the bum of someone I fancy when I'm 78

😊

localnotail · 24/09/2026 22:13

I think there was a whole King of the Hill episode about this where Hank had to wear fake bum ))

Its a body type that becomes more pronounced with age. Thin legs, rotund body and no bum. Not working out does not help.

RumPidgeon · 24/09/2026 20:19

It’s definitely an age thing. He should start resistance training pronto. Walking is a bodyweight exercise - it won’t build muscle. My husband has a lovely, round bum and he’s in his 40s. I’d love him with or without btw. If you’re that bothered about this that you post on MN about it, then clearly that’s an issue for you (no judgement). Why don’t you sign up to a PT as a couple?

Shloopie · 24/09/2026 19:59

I hope I'm still nibbling on the bum of someone I fancy when I'm 78

Floatlikeafeather2 · 24/09/2026 19:32

It's not inevitable at all. I'm offended on my husband's behalf! He's still got a lovely biteable behind and he's 78. He does go to the gym 3 times a week though and walks a lot.
Your date is very welcome to some of mine though.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 24/09/2026 19:32

God can you imagine the uproar on here if a man posted he was seeing a woman, he fancied her, but was struggling to get past the fact she had tiny tits. 🙄

You either like him, or you don't. Take him how he is.

For all you know he might be feeling a bit put off by some of your imperfections. And yes, you will have them. We all do.

TheVelvetCell · 24/09/2026 19:18

Did he ever have one though? I know a guy who had no bum in his 20s so it might not be an age thing.

Original poster
Numppp · 24/09/2026 19:17

Sartre · 24/09/2026 07:08

He’d probably benefit from strength training at his age but yes, I’d say it’s fairly common for men to have a flat arse. How often would you be looking at his arse for this to put you off?

@Sartre well I am mainly thinking about the bedroom!

OP posts:
worldshottestmom · 24/09/2026 19:14

JaneJeffer · 24/09/2026 18:52

Hmm
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It's funny the lengths people will go to, to be offended over something they could change about themselves but make excuses not to looool. If you're a low weight and don't resistance train then your bones will lose density. That's just a fact. Completely preventable with resistance training

JaneJeffer · 24/09/2026 18:52

worldshottestmom · 24/09/2026 18:12

He's a human being so should look after his body like all human beings should. There is very little excuse to not weight train to build some glutes, especially if he's flat like a pancake. Everybody should engage in resistance training of some form, especially if rather thin, or else osteoporosis is pretty inevitable.

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Hmm
seanconneryseyebrow · 24/09/2026 18:20

My DP is 45 with a shapely fabulous arse. I’ll b gutted if he loses it

worldshottestmom · 24/09/2026 18:12

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 23/09/2026 23:53

He's a human being; not an old piece of furniture to upcycle.

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He's a human being so should look after his body like all human beings should. There is very little excuse to not weight train to build some glutes, especially if he's flat like a pancake. Everybody should engage in resistance training of some form, especially if rather thin, or else osteoporosis is pretty inevitable.

Boomer55 · 24/09/2026 15:29

Older women often get saggy bums. 😳.

If that's the worst of it, then no need to fret. 👍

EvieBB · 24/09/2026 15:28

PollyBell · 24/09/2026 08:22

So flat chested wonen need to have implants?

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Not at all :)
It's just personal to me and my silly insecurities....

CallmePaul · 24/09/2026 15:25

JaneJeffer · 24/09/2026 14:04

Also Kylie is more famous for her hot pants than her spleen Confused

Edited

What about her famous song, I'm Spleening Around? 😁

EvieBB · 24/09/2026 14:26

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 24/09/2026 07:16

Joking aside, I really wouldn't risk having injections, just to get a bigger bum. I'm always reminded of the utterly tragic case of the 33yo woman who died, when the procedure went wrong, leaving 5 children behind.

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Yes I remember hearing that in the news. Tragic 😥

DebbieSavage · 24/09/2026 14:26

African men never lose their plump rump! Think you might want to try a different market hun 😜

momtoboys · 24/09/2026 14:18

Presumably you are somewhat similar in age to this man. I would think eligible, age appropriate men are more difficult to find. Lighten up.

JaneJeffer · 24/09/2026 14:10

BIossomtoes · 24/09/2026 14:06

I wish it would happen to mine, it’s the size of a small planet.

Be careful what you wish for. I lost lots of weight from illness and mine disappeared. I remember sitting in the bath and could feel my bones. It was so uncomfortable. Thankfully it is now back to its former “glory”. A bit of padding is a good thing!

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