AIBU to think challenging school rules can harm children’s resilience?

This.

I think part of being a functioning society is people understanding and following somewhat arbitrary rules. Like is it necessary for a child’s education that they have to wear certain kinds of shoes? No. But it teaches them that there are unwritten rules of conformity and decorum that will help them assimilate into being productive members of society. The ones who don’t understand that are the ones whining about why they can’t bring an ice coffee to an interview.

As others have said, some rules can be harmful such as not allowing children to go to the toilet during class. That is control for control’s sake imo and people of all ages have poo and period emergencies we can’t foresee. The point is to demonstrate discernment and teach your children critical thinking to understand why most rules are there for a reason to prepare them for the real world, and which rules may need a push back. But the answer imo is never “you should be able to do what you want.” If that’s your look out then go live on a desert island.

So the rules you think are good should be followed but the ones that include basic human rights and being respectful are out. Great parenting right there.

Oof. Early in the thread for Godwin’s Law.

It's probably somewhat more nuanced but yes I agree. There are times that you need to stand up for your child but the parents that constantly push back harm their children not because of any lesson for the child but because the teachers and the school admin end up hating those parents and unfortunately the child bears the brunt of that. Basic relationomics. If you are a PITA no one will like you and if no one likes you or your child that child will have an unpleasant time at school.

Yes, critical thinking should be encouraged at all times. it’s best to acknowledge that a rule or assignment is, in fact stupid, if it is, while at the same time realizing that since the ultimate goal is graduating, it may be absolutely necessary to obey the rule or follow the assignment in order to reach that goal. No doubt, many children who are now in schools will eventually be in the workforce and will face situations where they must evaluate what’s asked of them, whether it’s worth conforming to or not. Conformity is overrated. Improvements, discoveries, innovations, and insights seldom come from unquestioning conformity. Conformity just makes the unimaginative more comfortable.

He has completely abdicated any individuality and autonomy. Thats his or her choice. Students don’t have that choice.

So, he will end up a drone who can never think for himself. That’s your ideal outcome?

Sorry what? You develop resilience by conforming are you for real? As children you grow up to understand and conform to certain boundaries but steady on

WOW!

Im more of a “yes i know its a stupid rule but oh well just get on with it” , i acknowledge that some of the school rules are just plain stupid -DD was moaning the other day because she can’t wear nail varnish- which i think is stupid- what difference does it make? but its their rule 🤷🏻‍♀️ its the same as somewhere (can’t remember what country it is) it is illegal to put a squirrel down your trousers- stupid law -why would you put a squirrel down your trousers anyway? but it’s obviously there for a reason lol.

I profoundly disagree. The pupils whose parents endlessly protest at school rules are the university students who assume that when they don’t hand work in on time someone will sort things out for them. No, sunshine, you’ve failed first year.

Can you tell I’m a first year course lead and head of subject? After thirty years you can spot them a mile away - the parents at open day whose questions are very revealing about their attitudes and whose DC simply cannot understand that the consequences of not following rules and procedures might be very expensive. Retaking first year costs a lot of money.

Unfortunately in the real world ‘thinking for yourself’ can mean, for some people, not getting work done by a given deadline, but doing it when they feel like it. My DH has a junior colleague who is facing HR procedures now because of this attitude.

I brought mine up to follow the rules. Yes, we let them complain about them at home - but they were still expected to follow them.

Boring. About 2 posters too late where I’ve already explained my thinking.

There are three views coming across:

a) blind acceptance of all rules, irrespective of their logic or whether you like them

b) as “a” but without the blind acceptance, so adhering to all rules, including the ones that cross boundaries until a rule, punishment, practice or behaviour tramples too far over someone’s boundaries to tolerate any more
c) blanket ban against following any rules that a person dislikes or disagrees with. Nobody has said they agree with point c. I’ve included it as some with viewpoint “a” seem unable to conceive viewpoint “b”, and have arbitrarily assigned anyone who isn’t viewpoint “a” to a fictitious viewpoint “c”. This blows my mind a bit, as I’m sure there must be some level in everyone where they say “enough is enough” - viewpoint “b”.

There are cases where parents have campaigned against particular school rules to bring about positive change. There are practices which are abusive which have been in the news. There’s a current thread, which references parents taking action so that their children can eat lunch.

That is not resilience. That’s being a people pleaser.

What you’re promoting is kids growing into people who know that something is wrong, or dangerous or damaging but just putting up and shut up. Are you happy with your own life? Maybe you should speak up more.

Oh don’t act like you’ve discovered sliced bread. I’ve been a pupil, I’m school staff and I’m a parents. Yes, kids (and their parents) can be dicks, guess what? So can school staff unintentionally, or worse intentionally.

Sit where they’re told? We had a member of staff at my old school for insisting a child sits on her lap during a tantrum(the adult was having the tantrum).Should that child have followed directions? Or the girl told to sit next to the violent/disruptive boy because she “calms” him down?

That’s just one example, but I have plenty of school staff being daft, dismissive, inadvertently inappropriate or unprofessional,discriminatory , messing up or actively being damaging/harmful.

Just like in the workplace really. A manager or CEO isn’t always right , smart or has their employees best interests at heart. Shit happens. Keeping your head down doesn’t stop the shit. 99% of the time it just piles extra on.

This is all far too sophisticated an idea for many, clearly

its really really not