To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

I hardly think its fair blaming a man for erectile dysfunction , having an std or being called a weirdo?

I hardly think that’s fair.

Who’s mocking it? I wasn’t. It can be a genuine issue for some men.

not ignoring it at all? But what's wrong with that? She is only saying there that she liked him, would have liked to have spent the night with him and was disappointed he said no.

None of that is badgering someone for sex when they said no. The next paragraph, the one I directed you to that you ignored makes it clear why she got upset. Not because he said no to sex, but how he then dismissed her (we'll meet up sometime) and ignored her (walking ahead). That's shitty behaviour.

She should not have said he 'led her on'. But he treated her badly, and she is entitled to feel upset. That's NOT the same as saying, we kissed, you have to sleep with me now.

It's certainly not my reading of it that's bizarre. 😳

And it's plain as day that he's gay, and not interested on that basis

Completely agree dairydebris. The world's gone mad he prob just didnt dig a woman who puts out after a few drinks.

To any of those women saying its probably his problem because he has a tiny penis...

a) do you think a tiny penis is a problem you should mock?
b) are you actually shallow enough that a tiny penis is a deal breaker in the first place?
c) if you turned down sex with a man do you think it would be OK if he said it was probably because you have a huge fanny or a sexual disease? Wouldn't that make him an utter prick for saying that? So why is it ok for you to say the equivalent?

He probably has sexual issues or is insecure about the size of his penis. I’m honestly not being facetious; he will have a hang-up of some sort. YANBU and have dodged a bullet with this weirdo.

OP I've only read your posts rather than the full thread. I think you're beating yourself up a little too much. You were drunk and you've apologised for being pushy. I don't think you need to beat yourself up more.

I really doubt you ruined anything. Also, just thinking back on my own experiences, I think it helps to think about what you want rather than trying to work out what other people want. You want chemistry, connection and a committed romantic relationship (at least that's my interpretation but sorry if I've got that wrong). I don't think this man can offer that. It doesn't matter why and you probably won't ever know why. Maybe he's going through some stuff, maybe he's not emotionally stable right now (in which case much better not to get involved!), maybe there's a clear lifestyle difference, maybe he realised it wasn't going to work for some reason - there's just no way to know. But he's not what you want/need right now, which is still sad, but it's easier to accept that than going through the impossible puzzle of trying to work out what he's thinking.

When I think back to people I've changed my mind about in the past (ie put myself in his shoes), it's more often been due to my own issues rather than anything else.

In reality there is no easy way to reject someone or to be rejected, but it does happen to every single one of us and it doesn't say anything about your overall attractiveness.

I think it’s insecurity that made you think he didn’t fancy you, or the sex rejection. It was clear he did and I commented as such up thread. But fancying you doesn’t mean he has to shag you on request. His justification of it was 2am, he was tired, had work, and wished to see you again was a valid one. It’s what came after that that caused the issues.

you seem fixated on if he fancied you for some reason. Most people. Myself included have fancied someone, snogged them, had a grope but not proceed to drunk sex, and most of us can tell you something that gave us an immediate ick and killed that. If a man was belligerent or hurt as I reasonably refused sex that would probably do it for me.

on saying that, I’d guess you have a gut instinct here, and you suspect you were way way more into him than he was you , and that’s why you thought he didn’t fancy you and are seeking reassurance and going on about it. And as he wasn’t as into you as you are him, hence why the ick came so fast. And why he’s brushed this off without a second glance.

as the saying goes, he just wasn’t that into you.

This is very interesting. I wasn't aware he was in this same industry you are and you were already introducing him to your contacts

Agree 100%

If he had shagged her and fucked off ,a lot of people on here would be saying you were to drunk to consent and calling rape . So i think he done a good thing .

OP hasn’t answered a lot of the questions asked so…. Drunk man spends evening with woman who gets more intoxicated (ok poss he decided on the extra bars/pubs) as evening goes on, he tries to be nice to avoid a scene in front of her friends… he then decides that perhaps she isn’t for him so he tries to get away whilst she drunkenly follows him demanding an explanation, she then tries to get him to go home for sex. Perhaps rather than being gay/ED/have a partner there might have been that he didn’t find a needy drunken woman unattractive or he was worried he’d be accused of god knows what the next day once she’d sobered up…. And I say this as a woman and in an industry that I see it a lot.

im sorry to be blunt (and perhaps having seen my poor colleague go through it) but if it was the other way round and a
man was saying this some people would be acting differently with their opinions

Just so you know, I have known men in my life to spend a good amount of an evening kissing me etc and when I've suggested going back to mine been told, we have all the time in the world, there's no need to rush.

Theres no need for everyone to keep trying to build OP up by putting a man you don't know down.

All these comments mocking the size of his penis, suggesting he has an STD etc- theyre reflecting really poorly on those who make them.

I think sex is a red herring - this guy went on two dates with her, kissed her, engaged in some light fondling, and then said he wasn't looking for anything romantic, that's the leading on part. Not that he didn't want to have sex, but that engaged in clearly romantic stuff with her, while not wanting anything romantic.

Charitably, I would say that probably this guy just didn't choose his words well, because it's an awkward situation, and said "I'm not looking for anything romantic" when what he meant was "I don't want to take things any further with you".

Not in the wrong, but if after multiple dates and building up a connection and lots of snogging etc I’d probably advise the man that she’s just not that into him and he should move on. But the reality is men and women are different and we all know that. A woman’s reason for not wanting sex is often different from a man’s, so that needs to be considered. You can’t really compare it like for like

For the people saying he does fancy you, he just didn’t fancy sex that night. No. And it’s not helpful to give the OP hope like that. And not just cos he’s a man and “no man would ever turn down sex”. I could believe he’d turn down sex if it was a first date, but if you’ve been out multiple times and built a connection and he was kissing you, groping your bum etc and he still didn’t want to have sex (combined with the distant behaviour, walking away etc) then sorry, but he’s just not that into you. He shouldn’t have led you on and sorry if this sounds harsh but I think it’s best to accept the reality so you can move on with your head held high - he likely “almost” fancied you but just not quite enough. He probably enjoyed your company, thought you were objectively attractive, wants to be in a relationship, really wanted to get into something romantic with you, but he just wasn’t quite attracted enough to you. He likely thought it’d come if he gave it time and he’d feel it eventually, hence all the dates and kissing. But he was in denial and he finally realised that spark is just never going to come. I’ve done exactly the same myself with a guy I went on lots of dates with, I always had a great time with him, thought he was really good looking, really wanted to be madly attracted to him cos he would have been perfect for me, but the reality was I just wasn’t. It’s a chemical thing and not something we can control. I shouldn’t have led him on and gone on so many dates with him, I just kept thinking I’d feel “it” eventually, but if it’s not there in the beginning, it’s really very unlikely to ever be there. I’d just move on and have a clean break from him. No explanations or apologies required on either side

And if a woman snogged a man and felt his arse but didn’t proceed to sex would you say she was in the wrong, he was entitled to sex and she led him on?

He’s in the wrong for leading you on. 100% you do not need to apologise. There’s no point in having any further communication with him full stop. He’s not interested which I know feels shit but you’re hungover and hangover anxiety is real! You’ll feel better about it tomorrow. Don’t entertain any further communication from him. Being silent is the most powerful position you can take. If it feels difficult not to contact him block him on everything. If not, just ignore any messages from him and move on

Just let it go completely. No follow up, that's already an end.

It’s insane advice!

The more I read this thread the more it seems obvious to me why he decided to claim to “not want a relationship” and move on from OP.

And a lot of other walking red flags posting too. A man who decides to not have sex with a woman he knows he is not interested in long term (while knowing she is into him) must be “gay” or have “ED”, “have an STD” or “be concerned about a small penis”.

Good Lord!

I think this is very toxic advice, in terms of dealings between men and women, never mind plastered men and women.
Stopping hasty lust in its tracks is a basic prerogative, and in many a situation, a bloody good thing.

I’d definitely blame the drink for the whole thing.
Whether or not any of the other dark possibilities offered in the thread actually stand up, it doesn't really matter, because here was a man unwilling to shag a very pissed woman. Take that at least as a positive.