To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

Yeah I just read your other threads op, even you were not sure if any of this was dates, you met once at an event, yes you spent 10 hours together at it, but there was no kissing etc, then you met for coffee and same again, and you thought maybe he just wanted to be your friend,

and then this, yes he kissed you etc, but I can’t see from your previous threads how you came to the conclusion he wanted to have a romantic relationship with you, it seems the drunk snogging has led you to believe that , and the third one, you were with your mates,

I think you had a desperate crush on this man, and are just embarassed, you wanted sex to seal the deal and he refused then told you firmly he didn’t want some romantic relationship,

I think just accept it, we all meet someone who we are more into than them us. It’s nothing about either person. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there for one person

It obviously just didn't really click on a romantic level then and people send mixed signals. No point dwelling on it - who knows what else is going on in his life. Awkward that you have common friends, but it will likely be just as awkward for him, so no one will want to discuss it.

I don't want to be unkind here, but he might have kissed her even if he didn't fancy her. I occasionally did it in my youth because it was easier to just go along with it.... And with beer goggles on, it's even more possible.

He is still an arse and I'm not saying he DOESN'T fancy OP, but I don't think you can assume he does just because he kissed her.

I'm sorry OP. It's hard when it's been a while and you feel invested but he is going to muck you about and make you feel shit. I'd move on.

I've just seen another thread of yours dated 3rd Sept where you were both supposed to be 1. meeting for lunch, and then separately 2. a show.

Did either of those things happen?

The replies to this are bonkers and yall women saying he led are on need to give your heads a wobble. OP you initiated a kiss, he went along. 4 dates does not a relationship make. Plus nobody is entitled to sex even after snogging. Can only imagine if the roles were reversed here, the names the man would be called for being upset that the woman he’d been on 4 dates with refused to come home with him even after he said he had work and she’s clearly inebriated.
OP you’re clearly embarrassed and your ego is working overtime but YOU harassed him and not the other way round.

I wouldn't stress about it, sometimes it takes a while to figure out if the connection is there, i dont think either of you did much wrong its just taken a couple of dates and a few kisses to figure out what is there or not, and its not a reflection on you if he doesnt want a romantic connection. To be fair to him, it might not be that he doesn't fancy you or was messing you about, but instead that he wants to move more slowly or isn't great at talking to or explaining himself with women. I feel like if the genders were reversed and it went;
"Don't want to move fast, haven't kissed before and wasnt sure if i had a physical spark, kissed on our 4th date and it was great but then my date tried to get me back to his, I definitely wasn't ready for that and said I wasn't up for it and he said I owed him" - we'd all be "it's OK to move at your own pace, you don't owe him sex etc".
Suspect it's just awkwardness and crossed wires and he'll be as mortified as you. Try to move past it and not take it personally.

I think you're valid in thinking he had led you along when he said he didn't want to get involved romantically.

However you keep talking about the bum groping as though it is a precursor to sex which I think is odd. As other posters have said, imagine if that was the other way round.

Really? Hmm, you think everyone who goes on a first date is now officially dating? That’s an unusual view point.

She said they went on a first date. A date means they’ve begun dating. Dating is occurring.

You did nothing wrong. If he didn't want to kiss you he wouldn't have reciprocated the kiss and he's given you mixed messages.
Now you know who he is I'd chalk it up to experience and move on. He's a dick. Don't contact him again. Lick your wounds, nurse your embarrassment, laugh about it and find a guy who deserves you. X

I’m not sure I’d class 3 dates in 3 months as dating someone,

Three times in three months isn’t relationship stuff and it sounds like he was just drunk and having fun,

He dated you without the intention of actually dating you: you didn’t do anything wrong.

3 dates over 3 months?
To me that would be "he doesn't make time for me, he can piss off". Please raise your bar.

It is what it is now, I would just move on. Maybe for this guy you just came on a bit strong. People are different. I have never kissed on a first date and certainly wouldn't have sex on the second. Doesn't mean that's wrong, just that people are different. Also goes for men.

What I’m reading is

it’s ok for a drunk woman to snog a man and feel his arse, she does not then need to have full sex with him, she can say no and consent matters.

if a drunk man snogs a drunk woman and she asks him for sex and he says no, there is something very wrong with him, he is gay, has a micro penis, or ed. He has no right to consent. She is entitled to sex.

if a drunk man is asked to have sex with a drunk woman and does so, then as she’s very drunk, she can’t consent, so if she regrets it the next morning he is a rapist.

so for a woman if you kiss her and touch her arse she is entitled to sex. If she is drunk, then a man risks being branded a rapist the next day, if he says no. Then he has something wrong with him,

it’s utterly mind boggling. There is another thread on here where the op asks what’s wrong with her, she meets a man in the gym, snogs him for an hour and doesn’t proceed to sex as she’s on her period. She’s complaining men just want sex.

not one poster has said you snogged him so he was entitled to sex, your period is irrelevant, you cannot say no, if you do, then something is very wrong with you.

I find this so sad, that no matter how late, how drunk, what time they need to get up to work the next morning, the men you know would fuck a very drunk woman if asked.

i can assure you not all men are like this, many are decent,

I can hear the screams of outrage as I write this but it is a big jump from kissing someone to having sex with them. It’s possible that he likes to take things slowly, that your eagerness for sex was off putting and gave out vibes that he did not admire. He may be a sweet old fashioned thing who thinks that the man should be the one to do the running?

He has as much right to his own views on life as you do. I think you should just accept it and chalk it up to experience

Or he just didn't want a shag, so any man that says no to sex has to have something medically wrong with him thry have no right to turn a woman down?
If they do they have to be written off?

In my experience no man has never turned down the opportunity for sex. And would be delighted that the woman suggested it. It’s a compliment! I find his reaction very strange- why suddenly turn cold and distant? I’m just suggesting it as a possibility because it’s unusual to behave as he did.

Or he just didn't want a shag, so any man that says no to sex has to have something medically wrong with him thry have no right to turn a woman down?
If they do they have to be written off?

Reading your posts I am pretty convinced you’d still love him to get in contact and pick things up again!

Just do not - and I repeat do not - contact him again and I do think you might still have a shot with him, since you are in the same circles and your paths will cross again naturally.

My reading of the situation (and I could be totally wrong) is that he really was into you but you came on too strong and it turned him off in the moment.

That is still salvageable though provided you don’t ever repeat it. The memory of it will fade with time and if he finds you hot he finds you hot.

I don’t think he is some terrible person. I do think saying he doesn’t want anything romantic is cruel and confusing after all that had gone before, but I would cut him some slack since he was drunk (and hopefully he will ultimately do the same for you).

Sorry you are feeling down, OP. We have all been where you are. This too shall
pass, one way or another.

Has it occurred to you that he might suffer from erectile dysfunction? He might be a great kisser and was probably hoping something would happen ‘downstairs’ and it didn’t! You suggesting sex would have completely knocked him sideways if he realised he wouldn’t be able to. So, as always, attack is the best method of defence and he froze you out. I’m obviously not sure this is what happened, but it does seem like a possibility to me, given your description of the evening and previous dates. And, yes, I do speak from experience! But I was in the poor guy’s bed when I realised he just couldn’t. I was quite cross tbh when he said it happened a lot to him. I said “you might have warned me before you got me all steamed up” and he just said he hoped it would happen this time! You just never know OP and he’s not going to admit it. Don’t beat yourself up; it really wasn’t your fault 🥰

I selected being unreasonable BUT only because try not to over think things! I know lots of us to including myself and we can over analyze! I think if it’s right it should feel ok and you wouldn’t be questioning or second guessing yourself if that makes sense? Hang on in there you will meet the right person x good luck x

people are allowed to be touchy feely, kiss, makeout etc without wanting to have sex that same night. Nobody owes you sex. Also, didn’t you say you was drunk? Very creepy behaviour from your end I can’t lie.