To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

I think maybe you’re overplaying it, I don’t think there was a connection, he just wanted to be your friend, and drunkenly got caught up in the whole snogging thing,which by his own words he just saw as a bit of fun, but you took seriously

it was never going to work for either of you, you couldn’t be his friend as you had a big crush and he couldn’t be your boyfriend as he wasn’t feeling thay way , you’d just have been torturing youself looking for signs and waiting for crumbs , like you have been the last 3 months,

I get the embarassment,you came on a bit strong, but both of you messed up, and it’s probably better for both of you, as he now knows your feelings and you now know his

I am one of the previous commenters who defended the man in question but I just want to say I hope if its any of the responses that have upset you on top of everything else it was aimed more at how other commenters view the sitation and have such ridiculous theories that needed putting straight and nothing you said in your original post that was wrong as such. Men can be jerks.. sometimes it just doesnt work out , sometimes its misunderstanding or harmless there can be a million different reasons. My advice after this post has got way out of hand is just to forget about it now and focus on yourself. What hurts now will be old news in a few weeks and what's happened and how you think an feel is nothing that every single person on this post hasnt gone through before. Chin up theres better days to come.

Yes - after the first meeting, the guy pretty much would have known if he was really into the OP or not.

I'd say most guys know after about a couple of hours in person if it's something they want to pursue romantically.

If he wasn't enthusiastically available and up for everything after then and prioritizing seeing the OP 1-1 then it never was going to happen.

It sounded a bit like he wanted to keep the OP as part of his social network due to her success/contacts.

The group meets are a giveaway, or always wanting to do an activity of some sort.

I have some flirty group friends (we're all single, kind of alternative/creative) who I wouldn't really want to date 1-1 even though we do vibe and have chemistry in a group?

It's more a "night out with alcohol" chemistry.

I'm sure it does hurt @AmberCatz , but it's early days.

The good thing to remember is that when you are out with your friends, you still managed to have a great time. So it looks like keeping busy and distracted by other things is working well for you. More of that!

Please don’t message again like someone suggested, it will be something you regret.

im sorry you’re feeling so low, look sometimes it works for two people and other times it doesn’t work and one wishes it did. Its nothing about the individuals as people.

no, he’s not interested and he shouldn’t have kissed you if he suspected you were so emotionally invested in him. Although to be balanced he was drunk and maybe didn’t realise just how keen you were on him.

dont keep thinking on it, he’s not the one for you, you will meet the one who is.

This thread makes me wonder if the most significant factor in the disparity of sexual offences, between the sexes, if simply lack of opportunity on women's part.

Very "Andrea Tate" in here.

The ' thrill of the hunt' ( for him) maybe ? And now the 'hunt' is over...?

Well tbh, you have nothing more to lose with him, so I'd probably just send him one last message telling him how much you liked him and apologising if you read the signals wrong and that you would have been happy to take things slower and then just see what he says. I feel like you're the sort of person that needs proper closure and at the moment you don't have that.
Regardless, from what you've said, I don't think you will have to wait long to find somebody who will want romance.

What a load of old shite FFS!

Is it possible that he could tell you weren’t sober and he didn’t want to go home with you on that basis? And given you weren’t sober perhaps your response to him about leading you on was a tad unreasonable? Just talk to him again without alcohol being involved. See what he says. Maybe he’s not that into you or maybe you were being a PITA and didn’t realise!

I think he sounds like a dick, drop him and move on to someone who wants the same as you.

I bet he’s gay, tried to get turned on by you but realised that he wasn’t or would prefer a man and used you being drunk and work as an excuse.

Except as OP has stated multiple times now she did NOT say or think he was wrong for not having sex with her or a relationship.

I just don’t get people who think this. I honestly can’t get my head round it. Snog a guy and that’s it, you need to have sex and a relationship with them.

christ I missed that memo pre marriage, I wouldn’t be able to count or recall all the guys I drunkenly snogged etc, no one told me I had to shag them if they asked and have a relationship with them.

You are not in the wrong n here OP, he is! You are feeling shitty because your delivery was a drunken one and you lost a bit of higher ground.

Picture this; you kissed all night and went home floating. The next day you heard from your friend he had said there was nothing between you and he wasn't interested in anything romantic. You asked him calmly if this was true then why he has led you to believe otherwise?

That would be fine right?

Unfortunately the delivery was messier but you were still justified to be upset with him.

You've messed nothing up. He's a headmelt plain and simple. If you meet him out again in company and he puts moves on you, do not go there. He is someone who courts chaos and manipulation.

If he contacts you and says he'd like to talk then I'd say meet him with an open mind and hear what he has to say.

Also if you’re insecure about your appearance now is the time to do something about it surely?

The thing is, you come across like an all or nothing person. Real life isn’t like that. Surely you’d know that at 33.

I’m younger than you and even I know there’s a difference between finding someone fuckable and wanting a relationship with them.

In your head, you’re assuming him fancying you meant he reciprocated everything you feel about him. Or that physical attraction means he likes the rest of you. The reality probably is that he finds you mildly/ reasonably attractive. You’re probably not the most attractive person to him, given he’s bi, and for whatever reason he wasn’t as into you as you are into him. In the moment he wasn’t into taking it further. His actions aren’t even that odd tbh.

I think you’re just lonely and were putting all your eggs into one basket. But most rational people would have heard a man say he’s bi and stay clear of catching feelings, because he’s into something you can’t give him?

Agree

awful thread with some horrible posters.

Some of the comments in this thread take my breath away. The guy didn’t agree to have sex so he’s leading her on, must have issues / be embarrassed about his penis size / have erectile dysfunction?
I get that OP feels awkward and am very sympathetic to that, but the comments about the guy are absolutely shocking. It’s okay for him to say no to sex for any reason at all. Some people are paying lip service to this while still implying that there’s something wrong with him. You can sympathise with the OP without blasting the guy for saying no!

You should be very relieved that he's pulled back, from what you've said about him. He likely has his own issues that he's working through. Sounds like he is attracted to you on one level and likes spending time with you, but I honestly wouldn't waste any more time on this if I were you, this isn't going to go anywhere.

Reading this thread is interesting because I’m interpreting his behaviour in a completely different way.
I don’t think he doesn’t fancy you. I think he doesn’t want a romantic relationship, perhaps either only physical or good old fashioned friendship. Maybe he’s had his heart broken, or he’s working on himself in some way and needs to focus internally.
If you started to like him, he will have picked up on that and probably didn’t want to feel further guilt after sleeping with you.

Is it possible that he wanted to test the waters with you but he got the ick when you got drunk and propsoed sex? How did you behave? Do you remember all?