To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

Dont apologise, dont go and start messaging him.

Dont show him that youve been hurt.

This could all be his game, making you feel bad, so that youre on his bloody fishing line.

Stop with all the "i feel very unsexy". Hes just a guy, who was all over you and dropped you at the last second. Red flag!!

Youre not the one to be overtiinking this.

I met a few like that years ago on online dating. You're spot on about their low self esteem. That was in my early 40s, nowadays I wouldn't give any of them a second glance.

And do not apologise! You asked if he wanted to kiss you, he said yes, and then he initiated more kissing himself. You didn’t throw yourself at him and you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.

He’s told you he doesn’t want anything romantic, so believe him and leave it there.

And definitely don’t message him looking for reassurance about whether he finds you attractive. Nothing good will come from that. Nurse your hangover, preserve your dignity and move on.

Don’t take it too personally OP.

Whatever is going on with him you came up against it with your completely normal behaviour.

He is either a headfucker, or has a herpes outbreak that he was too embarrassed to disclose, maybe married and expected back home, frightened because he has ED, has some other issue… who knows.

Its him, not you.

One for the rear view mirror.

You’ve just got hangover-related anxieties, aka “beer fear”. He should have let you down earlier in the evening (although inviting other people along was definitely a clue he wasn’t romantically interested). Don’t give it or him a second thought but use it as a lesson not to get hammered in early stages of dating.

Even if he did come home with you it sounds like you might have both been too drunk to properly consent so it is absolutely a good thing he didn’t.

You don't have to sleep with everyone you go out with and/or kiss if you don't want to. And nor does he.

No one has lead anyone on, no one should feel embarrassed or belittled, you just didnt want the same thing, at the same time.

I’m confused. So what did he want then? Just to be friends?

Nobody is to blame. He didn't want to overdo it, you'd both been drinking, he just wanted something casual..hey-ho such is life..Move on. You'll find somebody who is right for you in time.

He’s a total fucking weirdo. Who kisses someone and then claims to not be looking for anything romantic. Acting distant after you’ve just kissed someone is rude AF. If you’re not interested to take it further there are mature and kind ways to say so, which is not what he did. You dodged a bullet and I’d have nothing more to do with him. Absolutely DO NOT apologise.

He could have just accepted the offer of sex and then dumped you. And he didn't say he didn't fancy you just that he's not looking for a relationship. Could have been much worse.

Thats not correct tho. He did fancy you, he just sensed you wanted more than he did and pulled back in that knowledge. Thats it. Happens to absolutely everyone in the world as is nothing to be ashamed of.

I can’t believe what I’m reading.

Men and women are allowed to have a snog - even initiate it - without intending to have sex. They can decide to stop at any point.

Accusing someone of ‘leading them on’ is disgusting behaviour.

Just don’t see the man again if you’re not getting the physical contact you want. That’s your prerogative.

Dear OP, you cannot base your sense of self or sexiness on the random weirdness of one twattish man who gave mixed messages.

Actually I agree with this too- he is probably the sort that has such low esteem he wants to bring everyone else around him down and gets kicks out of making women feel bad/begging.

Do not let a few dates be a judgement on your worth

Stop it! ❤️

Why is he dating if he’s not looking for anything romantic? What’s the point of taking you out for the last few months then, just to pass the time?! Don’t feel bad, look at it as a lucky escape early on from someone who isn’t looking for the same things as you

Nothing here was your fault. He has been on several dates with you, kissed you but doesn't want anything romantic?

At least by "escalating" the situation you know now. It sounds like he would have led you on for ages.

He wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't fancy you. Don't play along with his games. Don't give him that power to have you judging your fancybility value.

I'd just draw a line under him and move on.

And don't feel bad about that - finding someone attractive is nothing to do with the other person, it is just what we find attractive.
My closest male friend is exceptionally attractive and yet I have never been attracted to him- despite on paper him being exactly what I would want- it just isn't there.

Anyway maybe he couldn't have sex because he was having a flare up 😆

Do you know the term "hangxiety" OP?

There may be a case of this kicking in this morning, and today things appear worse because hangover anxiety is a real thing.

You did not do anything wrong. But he is not the one for you if you want a serious relationship. He has made it clear now that he doesn't.

Drink water today and eat some carbs and put him to the back of your mind for a few days.