To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

I think it's fine, correct even, for him not to want sex that evening. It's not so fine to be dating if he's not looking for "anything romantic".

He might already have a girlfriend, so maybe concentrate on meeting someone who treats you well.

So if a woman kisses a man she has to put out?

This thread has blown my mind. I can't believe most people are saying this man is in the wrong for kissing her and then backing off and not having sex with her.

Honestly I had no idea that a drunken kiss meant an obligatory future relationship and sex.

When did this become a rule?

A snog isn’t always romantic, it’s a physical attraction thing, which is different.

I think he said that because something happened on the date to cause him to go off her (and by 'happened', it may just be that his feelings changed). And he said this because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by saying 'I've gone off you/I don't fancy you anymore", etc.

Just leave it now op.

you were both probably too drunk for sex. And yes no one should feel entitled to sex due to some making out and arse feeling. If the genders were reversed it would seem a bit rapey. However his behaviour is odd if he wasn’t looking for anything romantic, I suspect he panicked a bit when you asked him to have sex with you as he was too drunk.

just leave it now, I suspect too much alcohol ruined this whole thing.

Yes, I used the term led on too, and I didn't mean sex either, but that he's been on multiple dates and isn't looking for anything romantic. Whar were the dates for then?

I agree

Why kiss someone if you aren't up for romance, a snog is romantic u less he'd snog anyone of his pals. What a jerk! Doesn't sound like it has traction as a relationship but no way should you apologise.

I think apologise briefly for having a go at him about leading you on and take it from there. I don’t think this situation reflects on your attractiveness
one bit - he may not have wanted to have sex with you if you were clearly way more drunk than him. I’m sure in the early days my now-husband of 25 years just put me in my bed and went away, probably several times!

Forget about it and move on.

Anyone can agree at any point they don't want sex. That isn't the issue here.

If you are adult enough that sex is a possibility then you are also adult enough to use words to talk about your intentions and not just walk away

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints am I understanding you correctly? You're saying that because he initiated kissing her, he should have sex with her? And that by not doing so, he has led her on?

If a man was saying this about a woman he’d be torn to shreds. Maybe he meant he didn’t want sex when he said a romantic relationship maybe he didn’t. Maybe he kissed you and thought yuk this isn’t going to work that way I thought it would, maybe he has ED, genital herpes, or maybe he is a grade A twat. The thing is you don’t know - but imagine if he had taken you up on your offer and then said he didn’t want a relationship romantic or otherwise. I think you’d be feeling a lot worse then. Don’t feel shame for wanting sex but equally don’t shame him for declining.

Honestly @AmberCatz its no reflection at all on you. You could be a supermodel and this could happen. He probably does like you, otherwise he wouldn't have spent all that time with you, but didn't feel that all illusive spark. I remember I would be so annoyed when this would happen to me, thinking 'wtf, why aren't I feeling it with this gorgeous perfect man'. But you just can't create chemistry that isn't there.

Dont let it affect your self-esteem. I bet you are fabulous.

Absolutely this!

Whatever games he is playing have nothing to do with you or how sexy you are.

Why on earth is he going on dates if he doesn't want anything romantic? Why is he kissing you then backing off? There's all sorts going on and you really don't want to stick around to find out what.

If he contacts to again your reply should be a short notice thank you. Just move on.

Personally I wouldn't be having dates with friends this early on before you've even been intimate. Too much too soon and gives the impression of being more together than you actually are.

Chin up x

He’s a big boy, OP, I’m sure he’ll be fine.
He must’ve known you were totally pissed so I’m certain he can figure it out.
Don’t say anything.

Would you say the same if it were the other way around, bet you wouldn’t!

He’s not a weirdo just because he doesn’t want sex at this point, anymore than a woman wouldn’t be either. Women just think that men are up for it at anytime, with anyone, and can’t understand when they are not.

So leave the poor man alone

The 'im not looking for anything romantic right now' was just an excuse I think. Its better than saying, 'after 4 dates and now snogging, I just realise you aren't for me'. He basically means hes not looking for anything romantic right now...with you'. I don't think hes done anything wrong. But then i would say that, because thats what I have done many times. Again, i dont see how that is leading anyone on. That is what dating is all about - working out if they are for you or not. You are entitled, at any point, and for any reason, to change your mind. That is not leading anyone on.

I think he has ED.

So you've met a guy, went out a few times including one time that was basically the whole day, held hands, kissed a couple of times, etc etc, but he doesn't want anything 'romantic'?

It doesn't matter that he didn't want to have sex (either he does, or doesn't, and both options are fine), but the fact that he didn't want anything 'romantic' is strange after all the previous stuff.

I'm not surprised you feel hurt by rejection, but equally, he may have realised that actually he's just not into it... Both of which aren't great feelings but I'm sure you'll stop thinking about it soon.