To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

In your OP you said you've only been on 'a few dates with him'. I get that feelings can develop quickly for some people, with some people, but I think this has shown you're not in a position to be dating right now.

You went through so many awful things last year, have you had any therapy? Maybe that will help you get into a better position, mentally, in general, then you can throw yourself back into dating when you're actually ready.

I don't think there was no chemistry.

I think it's just learning nuances rather than assuming that because there's "some" chemistry or vibes you can automatically upgrade to progress things...

It's also easy to confuse anxiety for chemistry.

Do you have any ND traits?

I do and when I was younger I used to think that just because I had a good conversation with someone they were my "friend" or just because I had one great date that guy was then "my person".

And then lots of rumination and over thinking and over analysis!

Although I was pretty clever/accomplished in other ways, it took me longer than others to develop good situational judgement with dates.

I still have some quite strong emotions about things, but I've learned to have better judgement and step back and read situations better.

Remember you are not defined by having a man! Focus on yourself and what you love - your friendships/interests/health. Really start living. And dating if you want - but don't put pressure on it otherwise you will pick the wrong guy just because he likes you. What about if you like him! You are the prize remember.

The island sounds fantastic but dont go cos the man, go because it will be awesome experience.

I say all of this as I have been exactly where you are. For me though it was divorce and I felt everyone else was married - i was the only single one in the group and was met with suspicion by many of my female friends as I was considered attractive and obviously after their fat, boring husbands, lolz. Anyway, I took my own advice, started really living - realised I actually bloody loved the single life. Did that for years, then found my person 18 months ago when I wasn't even looking!!! I get your biological clock is screaming at you - its a powerful thing, but don't settle. You sound fabulous and any man will be lucky to have you. YOu just have to work on yourself and your own self worth first. x

Yes I’m shocked, genuinely at the amount of women who absolutely subscribe to the andrew Tate school of thought when the genders are reversed. I’ve lost count of the amount of posts saying she was entitled to sex or he must be gay or have issues, it’s an andrew Tate master class.

Luckily, the man she was out with decided he didn't want to have sex with her. She needs to learn no is an acceptable answer about alcohol and sex both for her and her date. Consent has to be clear and can be revoked at any time. She's learned she has to be firm about her boundaries with alcohol.

A lot of posters seem to think he owed her sex and that's gross.

If this was flipped and a woman decided she didn’t want to go any further after a few dates and some kissing and then told the person directly that they didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship would you think it was ok for a man to demand an apology for leading him on?? And then for him post on the internet and have strangers say things along the lines of ‘that’s bitch behaviour, you are better off’??

Spending a bit of time with someone to decide if they are for you is normal dating, either of you are entitled to change their mind at any time and should be respected for doing so.

I can completely appreciate that you feel rejected and that is tough, but he’s not your person, and this isn’t the way to build your ego back up.

Well I think you really need to reframe this. This is a good thing this has happened. Its shaken you up, and made you realise you aren't happy. You are fixating on this non-relationshipl, when really the route of it all is some misplaced unhappiness. I suggest you explore that more. Sounds like you have achieved so much, and at 30 to have a masters and be at the top of your game career wise is awesome. But clearly you went through a lot last year, and you are now down on yourself and you are putting way too much weight on this non relationship as the focus. Stop doing that and try and work out whats really going on, and then move towards making changes to your life that will make you feel happier. More socialising, dating, exercising, pursuing new interests - whatever it is that fills your cup.

FWIW I went through exactly this at 47. I retrained as well (did my masters) and then I was bit like 'what now?'. I did a lot of soul searching and focussed on what my interests were, started visiting historic sites (my passion) joined a fancy local gym, focussed on friendships, started dating again, started a new business. It was the shake up I needed. You are way younger and have the world at your feet. Take your reaction to this as a massive alarm bell that your life needs a shake up. You got this. x

@AmberCatz .
Some good advice by @OneGiddyRoseCrab and @greatexpect

Sounds like you had a tough year last year, but you got through it and did really well in your exams... You've also got some nice friends who make you feel great when you go out with them.
This is just a set back.. and maybe has brought back some of the blues you had from last year which is only naturalm but things will get better and you will get over this soon

Oh come on now. That's outrageous. Would you say that to a woman? Tell her she's led a man on by kissing him and then behaved badly by declining to sleep with him and then wanting to put space between her and him?

I don't know why he backed out after the kissing, it's a bit strange but I'm sure he had his reasons. Something obviously made him go 'nope, this isn't for me' and he told her straight.

It's a bit of a blow to the ego admittedly but he's done absolutely nothing wrong.

But you’re not back there, cmon you met a guy, developed a crush, maybe over focused a bit on him,and got your hopes up, understandably when he snogged you, you then tried to seal the deal with sex and took the rejection very badly when he spelled out he also didn’t wish a Romantic relationship

it’s all understandable , it’s no big deal. So what if he’s not feeling it. He’s not the only guy and everything else is still in place, your education, your health, you’ve clearly got good friends.

shake it off, force yourself not to think of it or him and the positives.

OP the opinions on this thread are of strangers who have a snapshot of your life. Some will be in a shitty place themselves and cope by making others feel shitty too. You sound like you have a lovely life and lovely friends. This drunken night and short lived fling will be a blip on your radar soon. Hide this thread and don’t read another reply.. it isn’t helping.

Don’t feel bad. I bet a huge percentage of women on here have done embarrassing stuff after a few drinks. Just be your normal friendly self around him

You asked and he declined, perhaps you should have left it there rather than demand he owes you an apology. He doesn’t and has the right to say no.

Think about what you want and deserve. You want a romantic relationship with someone and you deserve to have it with someone who likes you back. You also deserve to know where you stand with a potential partner.

Your dates were fun but not headed in the direction you were hoping for. You, bravely, made your move. He kissed you back. You made another move. He pulled away. No one can know what his reasoning was apart from him. What I do know is it has nothing to do with you or your attractiveness or your worth.

Yeah you were drunk and said some things in the moment but they weren't that unreasonable given the events leading up to that moment (trust me I say worse to my husband on the daily and I'm sober most of the time!).

It has brought things to a head and hopefully will stop you wasting more of your valuable time on him. Be kind to yourself. You are worth more than the breadcrumbs being offered.

I think you kind of knew though op. I mean you met him at an industry event, it wasn’t a date, yes he spent hours talking to you but there was no romance,no kissing, he then asked you to go to shows, but again there was no sign of romance, and he met you for coffee, again no kissing etc , you were posting saying you thought he just wanted friendship when you had a huge crush.

thr drunken snogging was a terrible mistake , he saw it as harmless fun, you saw it as a forerunner to sex and a relationship.

it’s a good thing no sex happened, you would have been so much more hurt if he had slept with you the didn’t wish to see you again.

now you know he isn’t interested in a romantic connection, he blurred the lines kissing you , maybe not realising how much it meant to you as he was in a different headspace and drunk.

neither of you should carry this on. Any text from him will have you hoping again, there is no path to either of you getting what you wish , so best to let it lie.

I must admit I dont get all this angst OP. You weren't in love with him. Who cares if hes not that into you? Its someone you liked, and it didn't work out. You are young, fun, attractive. Hes not the only bloke in the world, and you weren't in love, so its really no great loss. In the nicest way I think you are being really ridiculous now. This just isnt that big a deal.

Get on Tinder and have some more dates - you will soon forget about him.

I understand you’re struggling love so I’m going to ask gently, what else is going on on your life at the moment? I get that you were into this guy but this is also a lot of sad rumination on a couple of dates and a drunken fumble. I get you don’t like how you behaved and you can only take that on board and do things differently in the future, but I with a PP that you didn’t ruin the connection, it sounds like you were on different pages.

feeling this low seems an intense reaction, that’s why I’m wondering if you generally feel like you’re living your purpose day to day, or does life feel like it’s really lacking and you pinned a lot of hopes on this?

I don't think having deep conversations is a sign the guy is attracted to you or cares about you.

It's more a female/friend way of connecting.

Initially it's mainly visual/physical for men, not intellectual/verbal.

(You sound hot and I bet you looked gorgeous - it's just that you're not hot for THIS guy).

Often guys are a bit awkward around women they fancy as they're worried the women don't like them or want to win them over.

If they do communicate it's trying to present themselves in the best light as a boyfriend.

I understand @ambercatzdefo had my fair share of those moments. As I say I think this chat has gone out of context and the negative comments arent aimed at you there aimed at just the difference of opinions between other people and youve got caught up in the cross fire. Unfortunately the downside of a forum lol! If it gets you down just take a step back from the chat now id say.. the comments are generally just the same things being repeated now just worded differently I dont think there will be any new prospective to gain it will just keep going round in circles.

This. If the sexes were reversed i think the poll would be too.

Sounds like he’s got something going on OP- this doesn’t reflect on you though! Maybe he’s dating someone else or has some sex issue he didn’t want to bring up. Odd to string along the dates- he must like the attention but not be bothered to address whatever the issue is. You probably scared the shit out of his frustratingly avoidant inner child by being open and candid but that doesn’t reflect poorly on you at all.