To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

He has the right, just as a woman does, not to have sex or be accused of leading someone on.
You have the right, if he annoyed you and you feel he's rude/blowing hot and cold, to not see him again.
Don't let him upset you. I'd leave it-this doesn't seem to be making you happy.

She wasn't attacking your age / looks. People age differently. Some go grey in their twenties, others not til 50s or 60s. Some get saggy skin in their 30s, or show major signs of sun damage, excessive lines from smoking or drinking or late nights etc.. it's probably wrong to link it to age because it's more accurate to say "damage over time" and some people create more damage and experience a bigger impact due to genetics, but 'age' is a shorthand way of talking about that.

Op, people are entitled to have hook ups, then not want anything else, or not want a hook up with anyone in particular. Your comments around that are a bit "well I heard she was loose so thought she'd be up for a shag"

Same for the grope - she let me feel her arse so why wasn't she up for sex?

Its a very problematic viewpoint. I hope you see that soon, for your sake too, in case youre ever in a situation where youre feeling guilty over whether you led someone on.

My suspicions would be raised that he was worried about his penis size or had performance anxiety. Also, some men cannot handle a woman who enjoys a healthy sex life and who is secure enough to initiate. Don't worry about it. The good thing about being a woman is that you can just walk into any bar, find a single man and take him home.

Haha

On a serious note - and political correctness aside - it's really unusual and suspicious if a man you're dating isn't interested in sex (but happy to kiss..) - sounds odd to me.

So was the problem actually that you thought he should have fixed you a taxi but he went home instead?

Ok. But you wrote As we were trying to get me a taxi he kept walking ahead and became super distant

if this was erroneous and he wasn’t walking off trying to get you a taxi as you said, but walking himself home, you should have stated that and not something different.

i think you’re getting upset again so attacking, it seems it’s your default position, and gently maybe what led to this, when you don’t get the response you wish you attack.

and you’re still acting like you were entitled to sex this statement indicates you strongly believe he led you on and you were entitled to sex.

“An hour previous, he had been holding my hand in the pub. Then outside passionately kissed me and pulled me in tight to his body/groped my arse repeatedly. Whenever that has happened with a man, usually we've been heading for sex. I do understand I'm not owed anything - but I've been round the block a bit and have been able to rely on signs the man wants me and I found this confusing”

Obviously, I-m totally missing the point of the whole thread but...

plus I feel I'm getting older and losing looks a bit.

You're early 30s.

How can you think you are 'losing' your looks in your early 30s?

Don't buy into that bullshit.

For clarity, I'm early 50s and I don't feel I'm losing my looks.

@AmberCatz there's a difference between I'm not ready to sleep with you yet and 'I'll never be interested in you thag way'.

I'd also interpret 'no romantic connection' as the latter and in that case, why the he'll was he kissing you?

If he doesn't reply, stop beating yourself up and regretting what you said. It was honest. If he's put off then he didn't like you in the way you liked him because no genuine connection is so easily wiped out.

It's for the best you find out now and your drunk self has saved you pain down the line (though maybe not with the hangover today).

Sounds like you moved to fast for him.

No, he likely is just over it. It's not a big deal, it's done. Time for you to hydrate and maybe some electrolytes and that's that.

How on earth did you take that from this, how is an offer of sex translate to real responsibility and commitment,

she’s clear when she offered, he decline with very reasonable answers, it was late, he was tired he had work, he’d like to see her again, she then got the arse and was hurt, he wandered off to find a taxi, she had a go, he retaliated and said he didn’t want anything romantic and she demanded an apology and said he’d led her on,

this all came about as she didn’t accept his no for what it was. Offering sex is not asking for real commitment and responsibility

But those were your expectations. He's seen you a few times, decided he's not into it and when you tried to bring sex in, he said no. A few dates don't entitle you to something more.

I think he was actually decent turning you down. You were drunk,, very drunk from the sound of it, and pushing for something more that he didn't want. He didn't use you for casual sex, then stop seeing you.

Sounds to me like he got carried away with having drunk a lot (as did you, by the sounds of it), but that he knew that taking it any further with sex when he wasn't sure he wanted anything deeper would be the wrong thing to do – and what's wrong with that?

You've also said two different wordings – that he wasn't 'looking for anything romantic right now' and that he wasn't feeling a 'romantic connection'. Those are two very different things – which was it?

I think he is allowed to casually date and be affectionate/kiss (especially when he's had a drink or two), but it not be indicative that he wants anything more, therefore I don't think he has led you on – unless you had an explicit conversation that described what you are both looking to get from dating at the moment.

I totally get why it hurts, but I don't think he did anything wrong.

I must tell my male partner of nearly 18 years that. Nearly 60, he's waiting a long time to be gay... or you are talking shit. One or the other...(it's the second one, btw)

Run and don’t look back.
He was happy to lap up the ego boost, have a few drinks, and make out across two bars, but the second real commitment or responsibility came into view, he turned cold and strode ahead of you in the street. That sudden shift to being distant is classic emotionally unavailable behaviour.
Do not apologise. It will only look needy and hand him all the control. Block/mute, drink a pint of water, and if you see him via mutual friends, be cool, polite, and completely indifferent. Consider it a bullet dodged early.

Why are you going ro struggle? You said you didn’t text as you were hoping to see him again, just no bad blood, you don’t need a response for that,

@AmberCatz , you need some education on consent if you think he led you on. You basically asked him if he wanted to have sex with you and his answer was no. This guy was honest with you and he didn't use you for a quick sexual release.

Consent has to be clear, mutual, and ongoing.

You telling him he owed you an apology for declining to have sex with you is pretty wild. I get you were drunk and your judgement impaired. That's not an excuse for your behaviour.

I would take him saying he doesn't want anything romantic with you as he's not going to be asking you out again.

Once you've dug the hole, I wouldn't be digging a bigger hole. Leave him well alone and the hole will shrink and close bit by bit until no-one knew it was there to begin with.

It does make sense it was late, he was drunk, his initial reaction was he was too tired and had work and he’d like to see her again. I don’t get why that doesn’t make sense,

1. I had a very similar dynamic with a bi guy who pretty soon decided he was gay. I didn’t have a go at him, which was an error BUT you’ve apologised, he doesn’t need to reply, if he won’t, just learn your lesson and don’t say it again.
2. If you take his reaction as a verdict on your entire attractiveness rather than just one guy’s reaction, there is not the whole of Mumsnet that can help you.

To be honest men will shag someone they don’t fancy but would be much less likely to kiss someone they are not attracted to so if doesn’t really add up.

How old is he? Any chance ED is a factor and he is anxious about performance?