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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for saying my DH needs to man tf up

369 replies

ambitiousqueen · 23/09/2026 09:31

DH has just gotten a very good job promotion, and I am very proud of him. Obviously. Lovely salary, lovely title, everyone congratulating him etc. BUT. He is destined for an even greater promotion (CEO level). Don't ask how I know this.
The problem is DH keeps saying he doesn't want to "get involved in office politics" and that “nature will take its course” I've tried encouraging him. I've said, hypothetically, if there was a person standing between my DH and the CEO position, then perhaps one might consider... removing the obstacle. metaphorically I mean
Also, I may have suggested that DH invite the current CEO round for a nice little dinner.Purely hospitality, obviously. DH said he was worried about the consequences, particularly the whole "divine judgement, eternal damnation" side of things. Blah blah blah
Honestly, he's overthinking it.
I am NOT saying DH should kill anyone. Obviously not... at least not with his eyes open. I'm only saying that hypothetically, if one wanted to rise to the very top, one might need to show a little more ambition
AIBU to think DH needs to man up and seize his opportunity?
FWIW, I’ve already laid out the plan, and the metaphorical dagger is just waiting to be used.

OP posts:
DuckBushCityLimit · 23/09/2026 14:32

OP's not been back. Hope she's not done anything rash? Mind you, if it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly.

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:31

CeciliaMars · 23/09/2026 14:15

How’s your career going, OP?

I’d say that she’s on the verge of a major promotion.

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:30

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 14:11

It's not his dream though is it? He's reluctant to take on the politics, and perhaps is self-aware enough to know that it wouldn't suit him? Politics can be extremely wearing for some people

Well, the final decision, of course, is DH’s. OP is just giving him a bit of a pep talk.

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/09/2026 14:26

Butchyrestingface · 23/09/2026 12:41

It's eye-opening the number of Mumsnetters who seem to have not even a passing familiarity with Billy Bob S. Confused

Or worse, the ones who do know but won’t let it stand between them and a good pile on…

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 23/09/2026 14:25

Op you Dunce, this is Inane.....

(lol, proud of myself there 😁)

Horses7 · 23/09/2026 14:18

Beachtastic · 23/09/2026 12:51

Maybe shag the CEO, secretly record it all, and then blackmail him? That seems a sure-fire way to the top for your DH.

That’s what JR used to do in Dallas (but not him some attractive girl who worked for him)!! It always worked when he wanted to blackmail someone!
Just though I’d try to derail all the Lady Macbeth comparisons - which I used myself in an earlier post 🤣

CeciliaMars · 23/09/2026 14:15

How’s your career going, OP?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 23/09/2026 14:12

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:01

I don’t think not reading MacBeth is any excuse. OP is talking of murder and daggers.

Which, to be fair, is no less batshit than some of the other stuff posted on here. This is the website that originated the phrase "penis-beaker". Weird is not out of the realm of possible on Mumsnet.

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 14:11

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 13:59

The boss no doubt gatecrashes people’s houses all of the time, expecting automatical hospitality because of who he is.

Why shouldn’t OP encourage her DH to pursue his dreams? OP would then be given a very senior position within the company and will no longer need to host CEOs who continuously overlook her DH for promotion to the top job.

Edited

It's not his dream though is it? He's reluctant to take on the politics, and perhaps is self-aware enough to know that it wouldn't suit him? Politics can be extremely wearing for some people

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:02

Backtoreality1 · 23/09/2026 13:53

You sound like Margot Leadbetter in The Good Life!!! His work, his business.

Or does Margot Leadbetter base herself on her forerunner, the OP?

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:01

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 23/09/2026 13:48

To be fair, it probably just depends on which Shakespeare play you read in school.

I got this, because we did Macbeth in I think year 8. I'd also likely get a Midsummer nights dream, for the same reason. (Weirdly, they're also the two plays Terry Pratchett satirised, so they're lodged even firmly in my brain)

Also probably Much Ado about Nothing, because Joss Whedon did a movie with loads of my favourite actors in it, and I forced myself to sit through it.

Any of his other million plays thought, I'd likely not have a clue what they were on about.

I don’t think not reading MacBeth is any excuse. OP is talking of murder and daggers.

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 14:00

BunnyLake · 23/09/2026 13:47

lol is this even real? If so, what, @ambitiousqueen are your own ambitions? Where on the professional ladder are you?

Surely her ambition is to be a queen?

FCCRULES · 23/09/2026 13:59

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 13:33

I'm pretty appalled at this. It's his career, his life. He's doing well for the family now, and this may be as far as he wishes to take it. It's not for you to demand he goes ever further just so you can bask in his glory. It is one thing to be happy for your spouse's successes, but quite another to think it reflects on you. It does not reflect on you. He is employed in this job, not you. And he's already pulling his weight.
And by the way, inviting the boss round for dinner is utterly creepy and in my long career I've never heard of anything so sycophantic.

The boss no doubt gatecrashes people’s houses all of the time, expecting automatical hospitality because of who he is.

Why shouldn’t OP encourage her DH to pursue his dreams? OP would then be given a very senior position within the company and will no longer need to host CEOs who continuously overlook her DH for promotion to the top job.

cardibach · 23/09/2026 13:58

Cartouche · 23/09/2026 12:56

Someone has almost certainly done a production where the witches appear in white labcoats waving test tubes and taunting the Macbeths implicitly with the children they will never have...

(I did see a not very good RSC one with Niamh Cusack and Christopher Ecclestone where the witches were little girls playing with baby dolls...)

She’s definitely had at least one child - she says she has ‘given suck And [knows] how tender ‘Tis to love the babe that milks’ her.
No sign of the child elsewhere in the text though.

WearyAuldWumman · 23/09/2026 13:58

DolefullySingingMotherfucka · 23/09/2026 12:53

You have too much time on your hands, due to having no children. Have you considered IVF? Or Eye of Newt?

Honestly, I wouldn't trust her with kids...

Backtoreality1 · 23/09/2026 13:53

You sound like Margot Leadbetter in The Good Life!!! His work, his business.

Horses7 · 23/09/2026 13:50

I’m saying this kindly - you’re nuts and the only thing your husband needs to do is ignore you and if possible stop you behaving like a pound shop Lady Macbeth!

Butchyrestingface · 23/09/2026 13:48

JudgeJ · 23/09/2026 13:46

An old English word taken across the Atlantic, forgotten here but forgotten wasn't forgotten, and brought back through TV, films etc and now sneered at by those not familiar with its history. Bill Bryson writes about such back and forth words.

Definitely not for-gotten in Scotland, where I live and hear it all the time.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 23/09/2026 13:48

Alconleigh · 23/09/2026 12:36

It’s killing me that people are still replying to this seriously. But also a bit depressed at what it reveals about the state of peoples cultural references.

To be fair, it probably just depends on which Shakespeare play you read in school.

I got this, because we did Macbeth in I think year 8. I'd also likely get a Midsummer nights dream, for the same reason. (Weirdly, they're also the two plays Terry Pratchett satirised, so they're lodged even firmly in my brain)

Also probably Much Ado about Nothing, because Joss Whedon did a movie with loads of my favourite actors in it, and I forced myself to sit through it.

Any of his other million plays thought, I'd likely not have a clue what they were on about.

BunnyLake · 23/09/2026 13:47

lol is this even real? If so, what, @ambitiousqueen are your own ambitions? Where on the professional ladder are you?

JudgeJ · 23/09/2026 13:46

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 23/09/2026 10:42

Gotten?

An old English word taken across the Atlantic, forgotten here but forgotten wasn't forgotten, and brought back through TV, films etc and now sneered at by those not familiar with its history. Bill Bryson writes about such back and forth words.

Damnloginpopup · 23/09/2026 13:42

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 13:33

I'm pretty appalled at this. It's his career, his life. He's doing well for the family now, and this may be as far as he wishes to take it. It's not for you to demand he goes ever further just so you can bask in his glory. It is one thing to be happy for your spouse's successes, but quite another to think it reflects on you. It does not reflect on you. He is employed in this job, not you. And he's already pulling his weight.
And by the way, inviting the boss round for dinner is utterly creepy and in my long career I've never heard of anything so sycophantic.

Unnatural deeds do breed unnatural troubles

Butchyrestingface · 23/09/2026 13:41

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 13:33

I'm pretty appalled at this. It's his career, his life. He's doing well for the family now, and this may be as far as he wishes to take it. It's not for you to demand he goes ever further just so you can bask in his glory. It is one thing to be happy for your spouse's successes, but quite another to think it reflects on you. It does not reflect on you. He is employed in this job, not you. And he's already pulling his weight.
And by the way, inviting the boss round for dinner is utterly creepy and in my long career I've never heard of anything so sycophantic.

in my long career I've never heard of anything so sycophantic.

Obviously not a long career in the theatre.

Applesonthelawn · 23/09/2026 13:33

I'm pretty appalled at this. It's his career, his life. He's doing well for the family now, and this may be as far as he wishes to take it. It's not for you to demand he goes ever further just so you can bask in his glory. It is one thing to be happy for your spouse's successes, but quite another to think it reflects on you. It does not reflect on you. He is employed in this job, not you. And he's already pulling his weight.
And by the way, inviting the boss round for dinner is utterly creepy and in my long career I've never heard of anything so sycophantic.

FoldItIn · 23/09/2026 13:14

Butchyrestingface · 23/09/2026 13:11

Got the number for the Samaritans?

I fear that will not be adequate.

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