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Original poster

AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

421 replies

itsmeitsyou · 23/09/2026 07:21

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

OP posts:
elfies · 23/09/2026 11:45

If he sleeps through one alarm , buy him a new noisier one to go off ten minutes after the first . Hopefully he won't lose his job through bad timekeeping , and you can sleep till a reasonable time without feeling guilty x

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/09/2026 11:43

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TheLovelinessOfDemons · 23/09/2026 11:30

It depends. My DS 15 has ADHD and needs someone to wake him up, and also remind him when to leave for school. I'm quite sure it'll be the same when he goes to work. For NT people, they really need to get their act together and do it themselves.

NotAtMyAge · 23/09/2026 11:30

Our eldest grandson got a factory job on a 3 shift rotation for 6 months after university to save for a masters. It was winter and he had to cycle 5 miles there and back every day in all weathers. He was a year older than your son and managed to get up every morning of his 6 to 2 shift by himself. Of course your son needs to take responsibility for getting up to go to work. It's part of being an adult.

TheKestralNextDoor · 23/09/2026 11:29

It's his responsibility - It's hard to get up at 'stupid o clock' but that's life.

Wheresthebeach · 23/09/2026 11:29

Ongoing, no I wouldn't. For a while til his body clock adjusts? yeah I probably would.

Frenemies · 23/09/2026 11:26

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:16

My point is it's possible to struggle with unsocial hours

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No one is denying it’s a struggle (at first - 5am is hardly the middle of the night) but if an adult takes a job that involves shift work then it’s a struggle they just have to get on with.

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:22

ACynicalDad · 23/09/2026 11:20

My 11 year old is out of the house by 7 whether or not we are awake. A 20 year old should have no problem with this.

Do they get up at half 4

ACynicalDad · 23/09/2026 11:20

My 11 year old is out of the house by 7 whether or not we are awake. A 20 year old should have no problem with this.

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:19

Is there a reason why he's working every weekend. Does he have days off during the week

Obeseandashamed · 23/09/2026 11:18

I would help to begin with but after the first few weeks it’s on him!

BillieWiper · 23/09/2026 11:17

I would only ever 'wake' someone if I was already awake myself and by wake I mean knock their door and say 'You getting up yet?' or something. I wouldn't press further.

I don't envy the lad having to get up that early. I had a job that started at 6 and I had to wake at about 4.45. Never fun.

But he must set a very loud alarm on his phone. Plus another alarm clock or more than one. You could buy him one?

I'd be annoyed if his alarms failed to rouse him but woke the rest of us up though!

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:16

Sakura7 · 23/09/2026 11:14

Ok, well then I'm not really sure what your point is.

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My point is it's possible to struggle with unsocial hours

Sakura7 · 23/09/2026 11:14

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:13

I never said it was. I live alone.

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Ok, well then I'm not really sure what your point is.

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:13

Sakura7 · 23/09/2026 11:11

Ok but it's not anyone else's responsibility to wake you up. If someone happens to be up and decides to knock in on you, that's nice, but it should never be an expectation.

The answer in that case is to find another job or to work out the best strategies for yourself to manage that situation.

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I never said it was. I live alone.

DraigCymraeg · 23/09/2026 11:12

itsmeitsyou · 23/09/2026 07:37

He has an alarm he doesn't wake to it all the time.
This is why my attitude is, he needs to learn the consequences. My sister is of the opinion I am being cruel and should support him like he is 12 - she is forgetting at 12 he was capable of getting up and going to school without me getting him.up!

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Does he get to bed at a sensible time, or is he fannying around looking at his 'phone?
It is all part of growing up, and yes, it's boring!

Sakura7 · 23/09/2026 11:11

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:02

I worked a ridiculous combination of shifts in my 20s and struggled

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Ok but it's not anyone else's responsibility to wake you up. If someone happens to be up and decides to knock in on you, that's nice, but it should never be an expectation.

The answer in that case is to find another job or to work out the best strategies for yourself to manage that situation.

Frenemies · 23/09/2026 11:11

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:02

I worked a ridiculous combination of shifts in my 20s and struggled

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I get that it’s hard but did you manage it by yourself and hold down your job(s)? If so, congratulations you were a successful adult!

Lots of young people take jobs with mad shifts, sometimes it’s all they can get with minimal experience or qualifications. Sometimes it’s a classic career tragectory where the young blood is given the rough shifts until they work up the career ladder. Ultimately, they’re the best people for the job. It only gets harder as you get older.

OsfameronTanamoril · 23/09/2026 11:10

itsmeitsyou · 23/09/2026 08:48

I would make this suggestion only she has a one bed flat so no chance of that.
It was a general conversation about how the kids and she called me selfish for not wanting to get up to get him up on my days off.

She has always been very vocal about how I parent - which annoys me as she is childless

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Yeah, I don't take parenting advice from child free people, personally. One of my friends has form for this. I love her in every other way, but I cut her off when she does this.

DoloresDelEriba · 23/09/2026 11:08

westendgirl1 · 23/09/2026 07:29

He just needs to set an alarm on his phone. He’s not a child.

This. It’s ridiculous. He’s 20 not 5.

x2boys · 23/09/2026 11:07

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:02

I worked a ridiculous combination of shifts in my 20s and struggled

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Same i was a nurse and going from lates to earlies was a killer
When i first qualiifiied i lived at home for a year or two i got myself up but my Dad qlways knocked on my bedroom door to make sure i was up

OsfameronTanamoril · 23/09/2026 11:04

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:03

Good for you

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I mean, not just me. 92% think OP should not be infantilising her son.

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:03

OsfameronTanamoril · 23/09/2026 10:59

I think the OPs sister can ring him daily if she is so worried.

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Good for you

OneFastPinkTraybake · 23/09/2026 11:02

KnickerlessParsons · 23/09/2026 10:59

At 20 he’s in the prime of his life.

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I worked a ridiculous combination of shifts in my 20s and struggled

KnickerlessParsons · 23/09/2026 10:59

itsmeitsyou · 23/09/2026 07:27

This is what I have said. I get he is struggling with his body clock as he was doing more evening/late shifts at the pub so hasn't had early starts for a long time.

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At 20 he’s in the prime of his life.

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