AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

I'm torn. Yes he should be able to get him self up but mums just do stuff for there kids because they love them so I probably would wake him and go back to bed. You want him to do well and keep his job.

Being a bit of a soft touch with the kids I would probably wake him up for a week or 2 while he settles into the routine, mainly due to the fact that I would wake up worrying that he hadnt. I would make it very clear that I was only helping out short term with that though.
Again being a massive soft touch, I would also sort his dinner for him before I went to bed.
My 2 are 100% capable of doing for themselves and will happily do so, its my preference to look after them.

Pmsl. My DC have had me up the early hours for the past 10 years. At 20? I will buy them an alarm clock and wish them good luck

He knew the job requirements when he signed up for it.
If he can't manage what is required then he should leave and let another young person have the job.

This isn’t like not cleaning up after themselves at home or understanding how to pay bills.

He is 18 and therefore being paid an adult wage, so he needs to be professional and turn up to work on time without input from his parents.

He's 20! No way would I be getting him up.

I can't believe the martyrdom here. Waking up for 'just a month' at 4.30 at my age would seriously affect my health. If it was my DC, I really hope they would not let me do anything like OPs sister suggests.

Raise the kind of man who won’t expect his future partner to mother and manage him. He needs to get himself up at that age.

And I still love parenting mine and the grand-children sometimes. One of my DC used to say to me ‘ can you tell dad I’m 27 now’. However, they know that we will always be here for the support when needed…and that’s what counts.

The general attitude on here is wild to me - it's almost like as soon as your children hit 18 you should no longer do anything for them at all.
I'm 35 with 2 kids of my own and my parents still parent me sometimes!

Why don't you help him for a month, while his body adjusts and then make it clear it is up to him after that. Surely you can be on Mum duty for a month, for a job you want him to succeed in?

just do what is best for him and you
he may need a hand in the early days
you may automatically wake up

I find the whole let him fend him for himself, he’s 20, should be able to do it all by himself etc a bit disheartening on here.
I was also married at 20, mortgage etc training whilst in work then university with a 2 year old.
However, I also have to grown DC that couldn’t have been more different. One super organised, on the ball, academic and hugely capable. The other one, not so much, always needed a bit of helicoptering parenting even when at university. Hugely disorganised and needed support to find his first job.
Five years later, they have matured into a fully functioning adult with a great job in London, a flat and a partner. They just needed that extra bit of help and support.
DH and I would be devastated if we had not given him that support and just watched him fail.
Just give him a bit of time.
He will get there, along as he learns and appreciates the help and support.

DS is 21 and has been working for two years. He’s always started early through choice (flexitime) and I’ve never once got up to wake him up for work.

DD is 20 and has been working over the summer in a local branch of the shop she works in when she’s at uni. Some of her shifts started at 6.30 and she doesn’t drive so she had to get a bus to work which takes an hour. She is not a morning person and I still didn’t have to wake her up. When she’s at uni, some of her shifts start at 5am and she makes those too.

YANBU

He might get used to the early starts after a couple of weeks if he forces himself to get up.

Ds has some app that you tell it what time you want to wake up and it tells you the best time to be asleep by, meaning you are woken when you are in light sleep not a deep sleep.

He gets straight out of bed and into the shower, no snoozing ever.

If his aunt is that invested she could come over to wake him up 😉

My dd worked shift hours and the only instruction I gave her was to be quiet when she was getting ready for work. Is he learning to drive? Just thinking that might buy him more time in the morning.

You are doing well - the alarm clocks, he's preparing the night before.
Get the bedtime right, and he will be sorted!
All the best to your son.

I know he is twenty and should not need telling, but in case he does use his phone at night he really needs to not be scrolling on in his phone or gaming after 9.00 pm at night.

He might be wasting hours of good quality sleeping time, because he has not been able to get into deep sleep mode early enough because of brain activity triggered by the blue light emissions from screens , which might be affecting his ability to hear his alarms, if he is going into deep sleep later say at 4,30 am.

It's worth getting him to gen up on the body's Circadian rhythms and internal body clock and how to reset it , if he is struggling. Magnesium supplements sometimes aid quality of sleep as well.

Why have you invested in the alarms?? This is hus responsibility.

Aaah l love it when people are the “best” at parenting but don’t actually have any children!

Fgs I was living on my own when I was 20! He needs to be able to sort himself out. He’s not a child. Even my children set alarms for school and get up themselves.