Parents (elderly) who are slave to their emotions - AIBU to feel fed up?

27 replies

cauliflowercheesey · 22/09/2026 23:45

Not intentionally manipulative. I’m sure she would be utterly mortified to know that it has an effect on me. Bit mum is a complete slave to her emotions and cannot hide them one little bit. If she is worried, if she is sad, stressed, disappointed or upset with herself about something, her mood will plummet. I feel like I am the adult, regulating my own feelings, while she is the child or teen, acting them out. She doesn’t get unpleasant, just tense, flappy, morose, a bit moody or snappy.

In my youthful naivety I would say things like “try to forget about it” or “think about X instead” and she would say that she cannot control her feelings, as though it’s just a fact of the world, like the grass is green.

I just find that as an adult (she is my closest family - I am single) I can’t actually confide in her about any problems or worries, because she would just fret about it more than me (because she loves me, but that does not make it helpful).

Not sure what my AIBU is, I just wanted to vent. Anyone else experience this?

OP posts:

Mojitoscoladas · 24/09/2026 11:03

Thundertoast · 24/09/2026 09:30

You are not alone 💐
Its really tough, isnt it. Especially as to the outside world, it just looks like they love you and are proud of you and are good at expressing their emotions freely. So you look cold when you arent jumping for joy to be in their presence.

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This 100% - my mother is amazing at conveying how ‘caring and loving’ she is to the outside world. Even people I’m really close to, such as my similarly-aged cousin, say how nice she is. It’s only my brother and I who get it.

It’s an incredible relief to know we’re not alone. And I’m sorry you understand as I know what you’ve been through to get to that understanding 💐

Powerups · 24/09/2026 14:25

Couldn’t read and not comment…I too have had this my whole life, from a child everything was always turned around to be about my mum.

I was diagnosed with a brain tumour in my early twenties and was very reluctant to tell my mum as I knew she would make it all about herself, which she did. She cried constantly, telling me how she can’t sleep for worrying. I was dealing with a traumatic life event and yet it was all about her and that I’m afraid was the thing that bought it home to me how incapable a parent she really is.

I manage her by discussing nothing of any importance as she is cannot support me as a parent should. I see her very infrequently and my life is more peaceful as a result.

I’m sad that i didn’t grow up with a mum who I could talk to, ask advice and rely on and as a result I was independent and self reliant from a young age which has no doubt contributed to my success in life. I view it as in spite of her rather than be because of her. The book is really worth reading as it validates your feelings about your ‘parent’ and goes some way to explaining it.

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