Which child is wrong-er

You say they're friends, but also that he repeatedly badgers and bothers her. Are they really friends, or has she just been fed - and absorbed - the 'he's only mean because he likes you' nonsense?

This is where it starts!!!! Children allowed to get away with harassment etc as children who then carry on as adult men thinking they are in the right for harassing women!!!

So it happened at school and so presumably they dealt with it. End of story. Neither you nor the other Mum actually know what happened so if you’ve spoken to your daughter, that’s enough.
The other mum should not have texted you and should be spending her time telling her son to mind his own business.

I really feel for Child A, and I knew right away that A would be a girl and B a boy. Societal expectations set in early. A was on a hiding to nothing. If she'd shouted, she would have been in the wrong for that, by pushing, she's in the wrong, whereas B has probably never been told he's a pain in the arse and he needs to hear a "no". That's not about the kids themselves, that's about the way society treats them, even at 7 and 8, or as babies--look at any of the experiments done where people are handed a baby dressed in blue or pink....

I think their genders are important. Young girls shouldn’t be taught to be submissive to overbearing boys who can’t take no for an answer. She asked him to go away and he didn’t listen, a gently shove was more than acceptable IMO, although I’d probably coach her to shout in his face and make a scene first.

I always told my kids that no matter what, the person who raises their hand first is in the wrong. There are other ways of dealing with things than raising your hand.

That said, the other mother sounds like a fucking nightmare who will always believe what her little prince tells her. Encourage other friendships for your child and deal with her in a "Oh, you know what kids are like! I let them sort it out for themselves!" type of grey rock. Suspect school are already fucking sick of her, she has been "that" parent since day two of reception.

...but from what you have written, child B is wrong-er.

This. It was obvious in the first post.

Agree - would expect child b’s mother has to deal with a few things like that at the school hence her overreaction in calling you!

The thing is child a signalled they wanted to be left alone by not responding to child b
really the teacher needs to sit them away from each other - I would personally request that as the kids sound temperamentally very different!
sometimes think the quieter better behaved kids get sat next to the livelier ones on purpose always seems a bit unfair to me when they’d probably rather sit next to someone equally chilled!

I used to be a Child A type at school. I was very quiet, and hated those nosey, pushy types, and still very much do at work. If pushed and prodded too hard at school, I too sometimes eventually had enough and lashed out.

Child B is an annoying busybody.

Tbh, @Dancingwithmyselfoohooh I think your original question is missing the point since the other mum contacting you is what is bothering you. I do think that is the real problem. Too many people are getting hung up on judging the kids although I appreciate that is what you asked them to do! Really, it's a bit of a storm in a teacup that the school can handle. They both need speaking to about their behaviour, as is so often the case with small children.

This.

They need to move on. Both of them.

I wouldn't engage with Bs mum.

I’d have a word with mine about pushing first.

However, I would also take the mum calling you to complain as a red flag about how B’s behaviour is going to be treated and would not be encouraging the friendship.

I wouldn’t be dramatic and ban a friendship or actively try and stop it, but a parent who is getting involved like that at 7/8 is going to be a nightmare at 11/12 so I wouldn’t be encouraging it at all.

Given their ages, child A is in the wrong because they instigated the physical aggression.

As a mother of a 7 year old, they should know by this age not to physically retaliate when frustrated by another. Child B sounds annoying…however, it’s still the age where if they get hit/pushed/pinched then it’s coming back at the person who started it. 7 year olds aren’t great at proportionality.

One of my kids is the same age. Old enough to know not to shove even if provoked. If she’d done that and the other kid had retaliated my response would be ‘serves you right!’
I get that the other child shouldn’t have retaliated either. Hopefully a good life lesson for them both!

Child B, being a child, maybe doesn’t have a well-developed understanding of the fact that no one wants people up in their faces when they’re upset about something. Child A, being a child, is probably still learning to manage their emotions when they’re upset. They’re both engaging in behaviour they need to learn is not OK, but at any age, not shoving people is probably the thing you would expect them to learn sooner.

It really was obvious. It sounds like tying oneself on knots to find a way A wasn't so wrong.

Child Bs mum is being OTT but appreciate you can not say that to her! I'd make some general placatory noises about 'having a word' with your child about not shoving and how you 'assume you've said similar to child B about not retaliating'. Maybe wrap up with 'it's difficult when things happen when we're not there and you have to hope the school handled it appropriately'. I'd hope that shuts her down but if not I think you'd have to say more forcefully that you've done what you feel is necessary and that you are leaving the school to manage incidents that happen there. If she won't let it drop I'd have a word with the school assuming you trust them to handle it well. This mum really shouldn't be contacting you direct and if she is really unhappy then the school needs to be the intermediary.

child b is more wrong. if they repeatedly bother someone who doesn't want it, they will get pushed away eventually. and it's wrong to retaliate with a very hard push when you were only pushed gently.

if she pushed him because she was annoyed then that’s pretty bad. if she was more trying to manoeuvre him away because he was learning into her space then it’s fine.

Child B was worse regardless because it sounds like his push was significantly harder. if it was only a little harder and she just lost her balance then it’s quite understandable and i wouldn’t judge him too much. but if it was meaningfully disproportionate force intentionally used, then he was wrong-er imo.

Child A wrong for becoming physical. Should have spoken to the teacher.

They are children. Stop making this deeper than it is or than it needs to be. Harrassing her for god sake if it was teenager a or teenager b not child fair enough but wow.

Harrassment from males enabled by their parents starts young.

Honestly I'd not be angry with your DD but teach her more appropriate ways to reinforce her boundaries as she's going to have a lifetime ahead of her of dealing with this kind of shit I'm afraid. Particularly the minimsaironnof crappy male behaviour when they've repeatedly broken boundaries a female has set.