AIBU to worry about my shy daughter struggling in reception?

Have you asked her teacher how her day is going once she's past drop off? Does she play near or with kids (often they don't have real friends at this age but all sort of muddle along)? From your description I suspect she's largely fine and playing around them, but then the odd time someone says they don't want to play really sticks in her mind and she ruminates on it.

She's your baby, of course you are going to worry.

I'd focus on teaching her strategies to make friends and how to cope with kids who don't want to be friends with her. Because of course there will be some.

I'd also start arranging play dates asap.

My son was like this and the school put him in a nurture group with others like him who needed some social skills suppprt.

He’s now an adult and very social. It didn’t take him until adulthood to discover his social side but it’s possible to learn social skills and get better at social situations.

I would ask your teacher about this kind of support because nurture groups are used in other schools too and it sounds like dd might benefit from support.

Playground supervisors should be made aware of this by the teacher. So speak to her teacher. It’s not unusual for this to happen and skilled staff should facilitate play with similar dc. It’s very possible for lunch supervisors to help dc integrate into play and find them a buddy.

What is she like with other children when you’re with her? Does she have friends she can go to the park with?

I’d speak to the teacher and maybe ask which kids your daughter seems closer to and try and arrange a meet up or two

Definitely speak to the school. But be wary - if a child isn't causing any problems to other pupils or to staff or show any obvious discomfort, they can go right down the radar and you could be told not to worry when actually your child is just masking like mad and not complaining.

Nurture groups would be a start. See if she can be seen by the speech and language therapist- they deal with social skills too.

My daughter used to say ‘no-one will play with me’ quite regularly. When we talked to her teacher, and managed to unpick it, what was actually happening was ‘No one will play the game I want them to play. They’re playing something different and I don’t want to play that game’

Could there be an element of that here?

I would definitely recommend asking to talk to her teacher. She will be able to reassure you, and support your daughter during these early days.

Also, just to reassure you, it’s completely normal for children to have some good days or weeks to start with. Then the novelty wears off and the tiredness kicks in! It’s like they suddenly realise that they have to go every day!

My eldest took a little while to settle into reception and never seemed to have friends. But they then met someone they clicked with and they are still best friends 15 years later.

Speak to the teacher. My.eldest used to say they hadn't played with anyone which surprised the teacher as she always saw my child with other children. They can help with suggestions as well about increasing opportunities for friendship etc

Making friends with another school mum was a big help too as we would all socialise together so our kids became friends

My daughter is naturally shy and I won't lie the entire first year was hideous. Crying at the gates etc etc but she is in year 2 now and had no problems in year one or year 2 so far. It just took her a long time to settle and get used to it all. She will get there.

You need to talk to the teacher to see what’s really going on. In response to being asked who she played with DD would always say no one or by myself but I used to walk past the playground most days during break time and saw for myself that very obviously wasn’t true. They’ll also say things like no one would play with me when they actually mean that no one would play the very specific game they wanted and so they compromised and joined a group game of tag. 4 year olds are very unreliable narrators. It’s also v v normal for the novelty and excitement of it to get them through the first week or so then the reality of having to go every week day sets in and all of a sudden they get upset at drop off. We went through that with both kids when they started at the school nursery. They were ok again in a couple of weeks. I’d be more concerned about how she is during the course of the day. Again, something to discuss with the teacher.

Id echo other posters. Sometimes they may play lots all day and only one person will say no and that's the story you hear

My youngest was always very shy and my eldest very sociable. 3 years down the line they've traded places. I really wouldn't worry at this stage. Have a word with the teacher and hopefully they'll be able to keep an eye and feed back.

Thing is, some children are indeed left out and it won't get better on its own. Best to act now if that's the case.

Depending on where you are, she has only been going to school for around 2 weeks. I think a lot of children get wobbly as they now realise it's every day and the initial excitement and novelty has worn off.

I would mention it to the teacher if you have any concerns and they can see what goes on during continuous provision time and also let the lunch staff know to keep an eye out.
As others have said though children are not always reliable - when they say no one will play with them this can mean no one will play the game they want and they refuse to play the game others are playing, it can mean that they want to play with a specific child and they don't want to play and if another child is suggested they don't want to play with them, it could be that they do play for a bit but then seem happy doing their own thing, some like having a special friend/one friend and then don't like it if they want to join a bigger group. Some of this issues are relevant if you are potentially thinking she is ND.

I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. As others have said, you need to be nipping it in the bud arranging play dates as she may well do better 1 on 1, which will give her so much more confidence at school already having got closer to some of the others out of school.