Page 5 | Am I a WhatsApp psychopath?

MrDobbs · 2026-09-22T18:04:06+00:00

This is how I use WhatsApp. Sending a message: - I send my message - I look for a blue tick at some point, and feel a bit better once I see that knowing that at least my message has been seen - If I don't get an instant reply, I assume the person is busy or what I have sent them is low priority in their life at that moment for whatever reason - If it's something that needs a reply then I will ask again when it starts getting time critical (for things like "where shall I meet you" or "when are you likely to be here" - If it's really time critical or more complicated and not getting a reply, I will phone them - I find it a bit irritating when messaging people who have blue ticks turned off as I don't know when to follow up but it's the mildest of irritations. Recieving a message - I will open the message to read it and it will blue tick it. - I will reply when it is convenient or necessary. If I am busy with the kids or work, that could be hours later unless it is important and urgent. - Sometimes if it's not a particularly important message or just chit chat, I will unintentionally forget about it by the evening and then maybe reply the next day or something saying sorry for the late reply. Would this behaviour annoy you or seem reasonable? My wife thinks I should be up at the Hague for crimes against humanity for leaving read messages without a reply.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/09/2026 20:58

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 19:24

I think this is where the divide is. I am older (48) but technology isn't alien to me at all. But I will be interacting with people who view things as you do and what you said confirms that they aren't impressed.

I open messages to see if they are important enough to merit an immediate reply or not. Whether I want to reply immediately depends on how important I think it is. If I am in the middle of dealing with something with a toddler then almost nothing will get an instant reply. If I am at work in the middle of a task but not in a meeting, then some things get replies and other things don't.

Show quote history

Touch the notification to see if the message needs opening and responding to. That doesn’t affect the tick but lets you see most of the message and triage it!

Catza · 22/09/2026 20:53

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 20:28

yep, a thumbs up when someone has sent a 900 word trauma dump.
That won't go down well.

Show quote history

The problem here is not thumbs up but the fact that someone thinks it's appropriate to send someone a 900 word trauma dump. Maybe I am old-fashioned but if someone needs to pour their heart and soul to me, they should make a phone call. There is nothing more tedious than spending an hour texting back and forth for something which could take 5 minutes to resolve over a phone call.

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 20:53

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/09/2026 20:49

Who are all these people regularly sending you long emotional WhatsApp’s?!? Do you think you should re consider your relationships as this really isn’t normal in adult life

Show quote history

There were a few. Not in my life anymore. I am not a therapist.

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/09/2026 20:49

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 20:28

yep, a thumbs up when someone has sent a 900 word trauma dump.
That won't go down well.

Show quote history

Who are all these people regularly sending you long emotional WhatsApp’s?!? Do you think you should re consider your relationships as this really isn’t normal in adult life

Sososadaboutmytree · 22/09/2026 20:45

Perfectly normal (53F here). Unless it obviously requires an immediate response (e.g. DH in Waitrose rn wanting to know if we need milk)

KindlySurfiingPlatypus · 22/09/2026 20:44

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 19:33

To be fair to my wife, she means (as other posters have said) don't read messages if you aren't sure you are going to reply, rather than get into an infinitely long chat.

I think the mix of replies here says neither my approach nor my wife's approach are unusual as there seem to be plenty of people in both camps so I am going to carry on as I am but maybe lean a bit more towards finding a short reply more often than no reply.

Show quote history

My samsung fit3 steptracker watch will display WhatsApp messages on the watchface but (a) won't mark them as "read" and (b) offers the option to send one of a set of customisable generic responses like "on my way" or "thanks, will reply properly later" with a single click. Might that save your marriage?

Biscuitsforbreakfastt · 22/09/2026 20:42

I have both read receipts, and last online, turned off.
I think anyone who entertains blue ticks in their life is a psychopath to be honest.

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 22/09/2026 20:40

Your only crime is forgetting the i before e except after c rule.

punnedout · 22/09/2026 20:33

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 19:24

I think this is where the divide is. I am older (48) but technology isn't alien to me at all. But I will be interacting with people who view things as you do and what you said confirms that they aren't impressed.

I open messages to see if they are important enough to merit an immediate reply or not. Whether I want to reply immediately depends on how important I think it is. If I am in the middle of dealing with something with a toddler then almost nothing will get an instant reply. If I am at work in the middle of a task but not in a meeting, then some things get replies and other things don't.

Show quote history

I'm the same age as you but female and this is my exact approach, so if that makes you a WhatsApp psychopath then I'll meet you at Belmarsh!

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 20:32

Coatsoff42 · 22/09/2026 20:30

I would happily reply if it was a quick message, but does no one else get messages that are paragraphs long, with multiple questions? You have to sit down with a cup of tea to reply to those, it’s not a couple of seconds! Just reading them is overwhelming.

Yes, and TBH I would rather meet with that person and have a proper conversation, or a phone call. Not a monologue.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/09/2026 20:32

You’re the same as me

Coatsoff42 · 22/09/2026 20:30

I would happily reply if it was a quick message, but does no one else get messages that are paragraphs long, with multiple questions? You have to sit down with a cup of tea to reply to those, it’s not a couple of seconds! Just reading them is overwhelming.

Original poster

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 20:29

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/09/2026 19:46

See honestly I think this is quite wimpy. Can you really not reply to a message in the presence of your toddler or at work? How much brainpower/ arm power do you need to
summon to tap out replies? I can do them at the same time as almost anything (apart from a shower) that’s 2026

Show quote history

I can, but I choose not to. Unless I want to. And then I do.

OP posts:

Cadeaukatze · 22/09/2026 20:28

GarlicSomething · 22/09/2026 19:26

I resolutely stick with the old adage "I have a phone for my convenience, not everyone else's". This adage is only as old as mobile phones, but feels archaic in a world of indignant "LEFT ON READ!" fulminations.

Fully support your sane approach, OP. And, yes, @amraa, I am in fact female!

I also support your approach - and I am also female.

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 20:28

Thecows · 22/09/2026 20:26

👍 very dismissive though or seen to be

Show quote history

yep, a thumbs up when someone has sent a 900 word trauma dump.
That won't go down well.

Thecows · 22/09/2026 20:26

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2026 19:54

Turning the WiFi off is extreme! It would be more faff than just replying or sending a thumbs up.

Show quote history

👍 very dismissive though or seen to be

Laura95167 · 22/09/2026 20:22

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 20:14

Not exactly. If I have text you to say "hi how's it going, you free for a drink this Saturday?"" or "are those temporary lights still there?" I am not going to be ringing you or sending you chasers. Reply if and when you want.

If I text you to say "yeah that's fine you can park in front of my drive this morning if you're back at lunchtime anyway. I don't need to leave until 5 to get the kids" and your van is still there at 4.30 I'll be ringing.

Edited

Show quote history

Aww OK.. I think thats completely reasonable then.

Id misread it like any text once theres a blue tick you were chasing.

Im in fact team you

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/09/2026 20:21

All you overwhelmed stressed irritated upset people know you don’t actually need to have WhatsApp don’t you? It’s just a massage app. If you don’t want to use it and it causes you so much angst woman up and delete it. Text messages and emails still exist

Original poster

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 20:21

Happyjoe · 22/09/2026 19:57

I tend to reply, takes a few seconds really. No biggie. If I have time to read it, I have time to reply and certainly with some people I'd rather be polite to them.

This is a fair point. It's clearly possible to reply in a few seconds most of the time as I manage to do that when texting my wife, so it's a choice I am making not to do that with others. Maybe the wrong choice in some cases.

OP posts:

Brummyhelpplease · 22/09/2026 20:17

I have whatsapp on mute except for my child. Only my child can get me anytime they need, the rest of the world waits and I honestly get so overwhelmed when I finally get to sit and open a message and it is something mundane as it always is because if it were urgent you would assume a phone call but if I get a chance to respond and immediately I see it read and a reply happening I want to cry. I absolutely hate texting back and forth and see no good reason for it. I do not look at my phone when out of the house either and get irritated when others are on their phones. Nothing is that urgent that you cannot be without messaging every few minutes. Then there are the voicenotes. I want to rip peoples vocal chords out when I see one come up. No fucking need. Call me if you want me cos while it might be 'handier' for you as you are in the car etc it is not handy for me to listen to 5 minutes of bullshit on a tinny sound with traffic noises in the background.

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/09/2026 20:17

XenoBitch · 22/09/2026 19:49

Some replies need a lot more that a simple one.
Some people send essays and want one in return.

Show quote history

Well of course, that’s just common sense. But one would hope the serious thoughtful essay style WhatsApp messages are in the minority.

Original poster

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 20:14

Laura95167 · 22/09/2026 19:58

If you text me youll ring if ive read it and not replied

But if I text you, youll only reply if you deem it time sensitive or otherwise ignore me

Yes that double standard would drive me up the wall. Im team wife

Not exactly. If I have text you to say "hi how's it going, you free for a drink this Saturday?"" or "are those temporary lights still there?" I am not going to be ringing you or sending you chasers. Reply if and when you want.

If I text you to say "yeah that's fine you can park in front of my drive this morning if you're back at lunchtime anyway. I don't need to leave until 5 to get the kids" and your van is still there at 4.30 I'll be ringing.

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 22/09/2026 20:05

Yes, you are far too well-adjusted for this site.

Try Reddit or TikTok.

EleanorMc67 · 22/09/2026 20:03

MrDobbs · 22/09/2026 19:24

I think this is where the divide is. I am older (48) but technology isn't alien to me at all. But I will be interacting with people who view things as you do and what you said confirms that they aren't impressed.

I open messages to see if they are important enough to merit an immediate reply or not. Whether I want to reply immediately depends on how important I think it is. If I am in the middle of dealing with something with a toddler then almost nothing will get an instant reply. If I am at work in the middle of a task but not in a meeting, then some things get replies and other things don't.

Show quote history

You are perfectly normal. The person who leaves me on read - or unread - longer than anyone else is my 23 year-old god-daughter, so I don't think it's necessarily a generational thing.

Expecting immediate responses is IMO more to do with impatience, control, & an overweening sense of self-importance ...!! Of course it's perfectly sensible to check what the WhatsApp message says - in full - & gauge whether it's genuinely important or not.

Using text speak outside texting is, however, definitely a generational thing!!

Laura95167 · 22/09/2026 20:03

Dayglojuice · 22/09/2026 20:00

I think you’ve misunderstood.

Show quote history

Misunderstood what?