Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be suprised schools still do French exchanges ?what with the safeguard risks

218 replies

WhatTheCatHeard · 22/09/2026 18:33

So my child is disappointed
that we don’t want them to go int he French exchange, which woudl
be basically our child living with another random family for a week…
then returning the favour

seems a bit too much of a risk for me
but im
suprised it’s even really allowed these days

OP posts:
HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 23/09/2026 17:01

Maybe you could agree on a different coded word for each day which they have to send you if they're safe. And if they don't send it by 4pm, having been reminded by you, you contact the teacher?

Foreign exchanges transformed my language abilities. They're 100% worthwhile.

nordicwannabe · 23/09/2026 17:31

5foot5 · 22/09/2026 20:00

The mum packed me a ridiculous amount of sweets in my lunchbox each day.
@GoldMerchant
Oh God that's just reminded me of another embarrassing thing about my German exchange. Every school day we had to take a packed lunch so the Mum used to give me basically the same amount she packed for her big 17 year old son. Typically about four large bread buns with German sausage, a whole packet of biscuits and a big bottle of fizzy drink.

I was a skinny not quite 14 year old with a small appetite and just couldn't manage it all. However, I was too embarrassed to let her know I hadn't eaten it and didn't have the language skills to ask for less. I used to hide it in my suitcase intending to sneak it out the next day and every day I forgot. So eventually I had several days worth of sandwiches hidden under the bed. Then one day I got in and she handed me some freshly laundered clothes. I fled to my room and checked my suitcase and, yes, the food had gone. She had obviously found it and removed it when looking for my washing. Nothing was ever said but I was mortified.

I still wonder whether his family would remenisce about that weird little English girl who came to stay with Erhard and hid her food under the bed.🥺

Edited

Don't be worrying about what they thought.

If I was the hosting mother, I'd just worry that you were hoarding food because you didn't feel comfortable asking for different food and wanted to make sure you had some!

I'd feel very protective of a child who I thought might feel that way in my home, not judgemental.

Did she give you even more food after that, and lots of things she knew you would like?

user1476613140 · 23/09/2026 17:42

samlovesdilys · 22/09/2026 19:26

My French exchange partner took me shop lifting…aged 11 I was v scared but really struggled to explain why…

Skills for life, innit?!🤪

Proper cultural experience.

SugarSong · 23/09/2026 17:52

Boomer55 · 23/09/2026 16:19

Plenty of kids did it years ago, and suffered no harm. I feel sorry for children nowadays - not everything outside is a risk.

They are more at risk sitting at home on social media, than this. 🙄

Exactly.

And there will be many more checks and caution and talks before this kind of exchange nowadays. More forms to fill and children get a lot more support.

5foot5 · 23/09/2026 17:56

nordicwannabe · 23/09/2026 17:31

Don't be worrying about what they thought.

If I was the hosting mother, I'd just worry that you were hoarding food because you didn't feel comfortable asking for different food and wanted to make sure you had some!

I'd feel very protective of a child who I thought might feel that way in my home, not judgemental.

Did she give you even more food after that, and lots of things she knew you would like?

It is 50 years ago so I'm not sure I remember everything. But I do remember an afternoon when she had friends round and produced three splendid gateaux and I think I had a piece of all three!

I also remember that their eldest son and his wife had their own self- contained apartment attached to the house and the SIL invited me round for a fabulous ice cream and cherry dessert and a chat.

Actually the family were very kind and took me on a family day out to which their 17 year old son ( my exchange partner) didn't go. I think now they were shocked at how much younger I was and probably did feel protective.

Funny I have never really thought of it like that. I always just cringed at the awkward mistakes I made. Blimey I even managed to lock myself in the downstairs loo by accident and the younger brother had to climb through the window to rescue me!

Newname26 · 23/09/2026 17:58

sittingonabeach · 23/09/2026 16:56

What do you think lodgers do?

Edited

Lodgers and flat shares are adults who probably meet the people get a vibe for them before they move in.

I note nobody has come back and said they'd be 100% happy with their kid doing the exchange with Bea, in the big posh house 🏠 and the naval officer Dad!

Newname26 · 23/09/2026 18:00

People also used to hitch hike, thats probably more safe than arranging to sleep in the house of a stranger.

Newname26 · 23/09/2026 18:11

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/09/2026 13:49

I did a Spanish exchange in the late 80s when I was 15. Got drunk most nights, had a fantastic time, felt very safe.

Found out decades later from my mum that she'd caught my dad trying to sexually assault my exchange partner (who my mum referred to as "a little hussy" - she was anything but.) Explains why she never replied to my letters 😔

I think realistically there is probably less risk now than in those days, partly because there are safeguarding guidelines, but mainly because children are taught that they can have boundaries. But because we are more aware that dangers exist, we have made ourselves far more anxious about the possibility.

Brave you admitting that about your Dad.

I wonder if she was able to tell people at her end.

What a horrible experience for her but I 100% bet that she isn't the only child who what sexually assaulted or abused in their exchange houses.

I can't believe a, they are still happening or b, people are completely writing off the risk because its a good experience!

ColdAsAWitches · 23/09/2026 18:29

I can't believe a, they are still happening or b, people are completely writing off the risk because its a good experience!

People are not completely writing off the risk, they're assessing the risk as being very low versus the potential benefits being very high. The same as we do for everything else. Statistically speaking, more people are going to be injured in the car on the way to the airport, than sexually assaulted when they get there, but nobody is suggesting banning exchanges for that reason.

Comtesse · 23/09/2026 19:00

I do think it’s a shame that so many exchanges have been cancelled. Your risk assessment for your child is your decision of course@Newname26 - but I have come to a different assessment (DC16 is going on an exchange in 2 weeks time).

Takethehuntingquiche · 23/09/2026 19:24

BirchAndWillow · 22/09/2026 19:34

It’s just so risky out there

Out where? Why?

Aydel · 23/09/2026 20:33

Newname26 · 23/09/2026 16:39

@Natsku that makes perfect sense to me staying in a hostel or similar. But doing things together during the day.

The risk of being in a strangers house is wild.
You wouldn't do it as an adult, why would you want your kids in that position.

When we lived in Paris, we regularly hosted girls who had come from another country to play sport. They didn’t know us and we didn’t know them. All we had was dietary requirements and allergies. These girls used to stay with us from Thursday night until Sunday. We apparently got a reputation as being a good place to stay as we were in Central Paris and were quite relaxed about the girls going out to sightsee with DD1 (and no adults). These girls were aged from 14-17.

Getofftheshitter · 24/09/2026 23:08

backformoreofthesame · 22/09/2026 18:59

We have let fear rule
all life is risk and with modern tech the risks are way less than they ever were
and we lose so much as result

Agree completely.

GingerBeverage · 25/09/2026 14:29

ColdAsAWitches · 23/09/2026 16:45

People stay in stranger's houses all the time - it's how Airbnb started - connecting people with spare rooms or even couch spaces for short stays. Millions of people answer ads for house or flat shares all over the world. Student accommodation outside halls is frequently multiple strangers sharing a house together. It's not the rarity you think it is.

Children and adults are different.

Airbnb is for adults to use and book.

Children are not booking airbnbs for themselves.

And airbnb paid $7 million to a woman who was raped by a man with keys to the flat.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57487970

Their lawyers are good at keeping the stories hushed up.

https://www.businessinsider.com/airbnb-faces-thousands-sexual-assault-claims-yearly-report-2021-6

The AirBnB logo on a mobile phone held up in front of a computer screen showing the company's website

Airbnb reportedly pays tourist $7m after rape

According to reports in Bloomberg, the company paid an Australian traveller after a 2016 attack.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57487970

ColdAsAWitches · 25/09/2026 15:13

I'm directly responding to the person that said you wouldn't do it as an adult and pointing out that millions of people do share houses with strangers.

Newname26 · 25/09/2026 15:39

ColdAsAWitches · 25/09/2026 15:13

I'm directly responding to the person that said you wouldn't do it as an adult and pointing out that millions of people do share houses with strangers.

Yes and @GingerBeverage has pointed out Airbnb faces thousands of rape claims every year.

People seem to think that being an exchange family who value education is some sort of immunity to sexual predators.

Is it only school drop outs who abuse children?

ColdAsAWitches · 25/09/2026 15:54

As I've previously said, it's a matter of risk assessment. The article quoted states that up to 0.1% of stays in AirBnB has resulted in an assault claim. That's one in a thousand. The odds of the same happening on a foreign exchange will be lower given that there are checks on the parents and families, both by the school and by government agencies in each case. One in a thousand is about ten times less than the chance of being injured in a car accident each year, but nobody is suggesting that kids shouldn't be allowed travel in cars. I'm prepared to accept the tiny risk of something happening on an exchange. If others don't that's fine. But what I don't want to see is these trips being banned by those that don't understand statistics and want to stop things that are overwhelmingly positive in the vast majority of cases, because of their own risk-aversion.

Newname26 · 25/09/2026 16:44

ColdAsAWitches · 25/09/2026 15:54

As I've previously said, it's a matter of risk assessment. The article quoted states that up to 0.1% of stays in AirBnB has resulted in an assault claim. That's one in a thousand. The odds of the same happening on a foreign exchange will be lower given that there are checks on the parents and families, both by the school and by government agencies in each case. One in a thousand is about ten times less than the chance of being injured in a car accident each year, but nobody is suggesting that kids shouldn't be allowed travel in cars. I'm prepared to accept the tiny risk of something happening on an exchange. If others don't that's fine. But what I don't want to see is these trips being banned by those that don't understand statistics and want to stop things that are overwhelmingly positive in the vast majority of cases, because of their own risk-aversion.

Keep in mind how many Airbnb are self contained holiday houses rather than rooms in someone's house. And how few will be single adults.

The only real very quick Google throws up issues on exchange trips in the US.
And Sommerset police did an investigation that lasted 6mth and identified 500 victims of abuse on exchange trips.

But you also have to remember many incidents will never be reported or officially recorded.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread