Am I too sensitive in arguments? Do I need to get some resilience? DH making me cry

I’m concerned that you don’t seem to have a good understanding of what a healthy, happy, loving relationship is. It certainly isn’t what you have described here.

It is not normal for a husband to scream at his partner, to subject you to the silent treatment, to make you second guess yourself at every turn, to make you cry, to make you feel like you shoullld be the one to apologise.This is abusive, bullying behaviour and isn’t something you need to put up with.

Do you have friends or family who you could talk to about this? I think you would benefit from hearing their perspective and getting their support.

Look, it's up to you OP. You can live like this or you can leave. Your life is miserable, change it.

Fucking hell!! I'd be divorcing him, this is no way to live!

How long have you been married?

He is not a partner, he is using you. Dump him and you'll instantly get a better life.

No, no, no. People who accuse other people of being too sensitive are abusers. You are entitled to any emotion that you feel. This man who is sadly your DH is abusing you. He had secret debts that he was hiding from you, that’s a big red flag. Has he told you what the money was spent on? Now you are trying to help him and he is “screaming” at you another red flag. Screaming and shouting will turn to pushing, punching, striking. He is checking whether you still want him to pick you up because if you do he will see that as acceptance of his behaviour. The more of this you accept, the more you’re going to get. Perhaps you are still in the relationship because he has destroyed your self esteem. You do not deserve to be treated like this. I really hope you leave him. There are many support services available the national helpline for domestic abuse is 0808 2000 247

My husband has never shouted at me

Nothing to do with your resilience, as others have said. Money can be an emotive topic but your partner should be able to have a rational conversation about it without shouting.

Basically though, if a couple are not on the same page on how they spend and save it's a dealbreaker.

So to him, marriage means bailing him out financially, asking for your help, verbally abusing you, not acknowledging his abuse and gaming.

I'm trying to find a way to phrase this gently, but it's a hard thing to say. He doesn't love you. He's an abuser. He's using you.

Your life would be much better without him chick.

Tell him to go fuck himself... he sounds like a bully.

ditch him and do better for yourself.

Most people would want to cry if someone started screaming at them, it’s aggressive and abusive. When it’s someone who purports to love you, it’s even worse. He’s an abusive bastard and you need to reconsider the marriage rather than your resilience.

No you don’t need resilience you need to get rid of this awful man.

It's not a partnership if the help is all one way, i.e. from you to him. Why did you need to bail him out with £10k? What did he spend it on?

What is your financial situation? Do you both work? Do you have children? I would be re-thinking my marriage but it would obviously more difficult if you have children together.

He sounds pretty nasty and very ungrateful.

This is unacceptable and you deserve better

What ages are you both?

Do you have children?

Do you have family?

Where is his money going being spent on

Please, please start making plans to leave this abusive millstone.

Surely you can see how much better off you would be without him?

Please say you don't have children with him

You do need more resilience but the resilience you need is not to tolerate the way your husband is behaving.

And if that breaks your marriage, then it wasn't much of a marriage to start with.

But don’t tell him!

What’s your housing situation OP? I’d advise checking all your financial stuff and start planning to split. He will never change, sorry.

He’s embarrassed, stressed and angry about his debt and he’s taking it out on you. What a loser.

Just ignore his texts until he apologies. Make your own way home from work and don't depend on him for anything from now on. Let him sort his own mess out. He sounds very entitled so do not put up with it.

You're gaslighting yourself saying you're too sensitive when someone who is meant to love you is screaming at you and making you pay for everything, asking you to help solve his problems then throwing it back in your face for trying. It's not ok and it's not normal.

Honestly, if anything you're not sensitive enough, because he would be long gone from your life if you realized how unfair and unkind he is being.

I wonder if he gaslights you, says you are too sensitive, need to be more resilient etc? Where is that inner voice coming from?

It’s not a partnership if the money is always going one way.

Partners do not scream at the ppl they love, make them cry and not give a shit about it. This dude is abusive, leaving aside the lying and financial stuff. He's not going to change OP.....