Kids birthday party aibu

I definitely wouldn't leave 4 out, 10 yes but not that little
It's very cruel to exclude young children imo
There's a boy in my dcs class who always causes trouble but I think it would do more harm to exclude him. Often they are the children who need more inclusion/kindness.
I always either invite the whole class or all the girls for my dd / all the boys in ds class.

Since she said "In my experience" why do you think she hasn't said anything?

In my experience too, you can talk to the school about it and they will make sympathetic noises and they probably also talk to the child's parents and try to keep an eye on things, they might make sure your child doesn't sit next to the child that hurts them, but they don't have the resources to stop it properly and they can't exclude the child so it just keeps going on unless injuries become serious.

Because the woman said her child was excluded because of their SEN. They weren't. They were excluded because OPs child didn't want someone at their party who is verbally and physical abusive towards them.

How do you know she was talking about your kid's party?

A full class party would be worse though because either way, the child hurting OP's child wouldn't have been invited.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Children can’t be invited to all parties. That is life.

I wouldn’t make my child invite a child who has been horrible to them to their birthday party.

why are people saying the woman shouldn’t have posted about it on social media, assuming she didn’t name names? The OP is also posting about it on social media, without naming the woman in question, by starting this thread. As is everyone who is responding.

Sorry OP but in this scenario you should just have had the 14 of the class plus sibling.

You admitted in your OP that you invited some of birthday childs siblings friends because they also play with them.... It's poor form to leave out a small number of kids from their class in favour of inviting siblings friends!!! It isnt siblings birthday. And friends from other activities/outside school you can easy keep separate and do something different with.

So the OPs child has to leave friends out of her party to make the SEN child feel better? FFS 🙄. Why does OPs child have to compromise at all??

Why on earth would anyone make their kids invite people that they don’t want! This is why we live in a society riddled with people with no back bone, they can still be polite and kind to them in school but if they only want certain people then that’s fine, kids need to know they can’t always be invited to everything they need to toughen up for growing up!

That's nonsense. There is no 'general rule'. There are so many parties during the year. A child is invited to some, not to others. My daughters were in fairly small classes but only invited some from their own class, even in Reception. As I said in another post, I had to be confident that I could supervise them all (with other family members of course) but I did know them due to teaching in their school at the time. They weren't invited to every party, and I doubt that they were even aware of that!
I would never have left just one or two out, but 4 out of 14 wouldn't be a problem.
I'm with you OP!

As I said, IME they haven't done anything. Of course I complained when my son was coming home with bite marks deep enough that you could count the teeth that made contact on his skin. Or when he was punched in the gut. Or when a football bruised his back hard enough to wind him. Nothing gets done. Just empty promises to keep them as separate as possible and excusing the behaviour on SEN. Thing is, MY son is also SEN. But there's no bloody way he'd be getting away with behaviour like that, let alone me using it as a get out of jail free card.

I think leaving only 4 out was the problem. Those four will feel hurt when most of the class is going.
It's difficult when the class is so small. But with an activity like you describe that involves a two hour journey would have restricted it to one friend and family only. Then had the bigger party with the full class

It's possible OP has done this. She hasn't mentioned how she has dealt with it, just that her child doesn't want this chid at their party which is understandable.

It's wild how this is so polarising.
Half of us are "hashtag be kind"
Half of us are "my party, my rules"

This would be a fantastic long term social science research project. Something like
"Kindness, Belonging and Boundaries: Longitudinal Predictors of Relationship and Life Outcomes from Childhood to Adulthood” or
“Who Do We Learn to Please? Childhood Social Experiences, Boundary Formation and Adult Relationships”

So you don’t even bother saying anything in case they don’t “do anything”?!? Ok …

Probably not a popular opinion but I don't think you did anything wrong personally. It's your child's birthday, they should be able to celebrate it with who they want to. Would you want to spend your birthday with someone who hurts you and insults you?
I get that it sucks to not be invited but SEN or not, this is something all children have to get used to at some point. And I wouldn't have agreed with inviting this child just because they have SEN either.

Exactly. One of those parents that uses their child's SEN as an excuse for appalling behaviour and makes it their whole personality 🙄

Lol, you think that schools act on this? IME, they don't. Your child is supposed to tolerate this behaviour because 'SEN'. Absofuckinglutely not.

I wouldn't worry OP. My guess is that some of the other parents have had problems with said child hurting, swearing and bullying their own children and the response of the mother on social media perhaps is an indication of why the child behaves the way they do.

Why were the other 3 not invited? Have their parents said anything?

If it was that serious then you would obviously be down the school about it … not just excluding them from a party as your own form of “punishment”

The reason is that the child has hurt the birthday child and he obviously doesn't want someone who has hurt them at their birthday party. Who would?

I would assume from what op says that the other parents may also be aware of the child’s behaviour anyway.