Kids birthday party aibu

Poster was making it out to be.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It’s your son’s birthday party, not a huge social event. My son (now adult) is SEN and I used to be relieved if he wasn’t invited as I would have to go with him and spend 2 hours saying ‘don’t do that’ ‘come down’ ‘sit down’ etc. He did get invites to some but the invites were given to me and he had no awareness of who was having parties. When he had a party I didn’t invite all the class - just the ones who played with him. It’s a useful life lesson for kids to learn that they can’t have everything. Actually it’s probably the parents who are more offended

In that class, yes. But this post would have spread far and wide.

Why should girls invite boys that have a past history of hurting them, to their parties?

Why should any child be expected to tolerate disruptive or harmful behaviour from any child, regardless of whether they are SEND or not? They have to tolerate it at school, why should they tolerate it at their birthday celebration? The SEND may be the underlying reason for the behaviour but it does not excuse it. All children have a fundamental right to be safe and free from harm and distress.

I think leaving out 4 of 15 sounds worse than leaving out 8 kids out of a class of 30.

I'm assuming everyone getting angry with OP about this have very young children because once the boys hit the expensive activity stage and the girls the sleepover stage I'm afraid you are firmly in the World of not being able to invite the whole class!

Whole class parties are lovely when the kids are very small and enjoy a village hall vibes disco/pizza/pass-the-parcel fest but when it's 30 quid a head for go-carting or sleeping bags all over the floor and movies all night it's simply impossible to invite everyone!

The girls and boys tend to naturally separate off once you hit 10ish. They just don't enjoy the same things any more.

Whole class parties aren't forever. It just wouldn't work for all.

I actually think leaving a bully out is fair enough but what about the other 3 kids? I really think you stick to half or less of the class or just invite everyone. Very awkward to have a class of 14.

I don't think YABU to not invite someone who hurts your child, but I do feel sorry for the other three in the class who aren't invited. It's hard to be left out when everyone else is excited for a party.

Always been whole class, and never heard of coach rides to party. You're of course free to choose, but you asked about what's generally considered reasonable, and it's all kids somewhere local for young ones.

OP I'm not going to tell you that you were wrong to do this but the reality is this sort of thing tends to go down badly. It's up you if you're ok with it and can brazen out the backlash.

I don’t think anyone would expect you to invite that child to the party given the way your child feels about them and the history. However the way you went about that was not kind and doesn’t set a good example in my opinion. Inviting a select few was the only real option. Half the class maximum.

Leaving out just 4 children in the class was cruel.

Child should invite who they want. This whole class stuff is modern rubbish. 25 years ago no one did this unless they were rich. It’s not necessary. I would have invited 8 though. That would leave out 6 so nearly even numbers. Why do people have to dictate who gets invited to a party?

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. The other mum is being very silly. I’d correct her and basically say a version of what you’ve said in this post - that you invited a limited number from class as had other children to invite. Make it clear that her child was not the only one not invited.

If she keeps raising the SEN, I’d be clear that the reason her child wasn’t invited was because they had hurt your child an upset them and so they didn’t want them at the party - which would have been the same whether they’d had SEN or not.

Obviously mine wouldn’t have invited him either if he treated them like that. But I still don’t think it’s great for the class dynamic when only 4 kids are left out.

Normal family:
Mum, I am not invited to x party, I am sad.
That's ok, they have limited places, invited their best friends, their mum made them invite back some others, they had their friends from football, no space. Next time, and on that day we do something else anyway. You can never invite everyone to your own parties either, it's fine.

Entitled CF
Mum, I am not invited to x party, I am sad.
Oh my god, you have been EXCLUDED! How dare they! You are ENTITLED to a party invitation, I am going to complain to the school, Ofsted, the Daily Mail and all the class whatsapp groups. Who are they to PUNISH you with exclusion and leaving you out, you should come before their own friends!

Who's causing distress here, not sure it's the birthday organiser 😂

How would your child feel if they were forced to have someone at their party who hurts them and uses foul language?

I don't quite agree with this as 10 for a party isn't unusual but 14 in a class is. 10 out of 30 will happen a lot in normal sized schools. Its not this mums fault it's not a normal sized class.

So, all the posters saying it's unfair and this particular child should have been invited .... really? Your child has been upset at school for months and wants their real friends at their party - be they classmates or not - but you insist on inviting a child that is potentially going to cause upset, hurt other children and spout disgusting language. I'd want my child to remember the party for the right reasons.

10 out of 14 is pretty much the whole class. How would your child feel being one of the ones left out?

Not being invited to a party isn’t punishment.

the level of entitlement is astonishing 😂

I'd comment on her post, I think.

Something like 'I do hope isn't my child's party this is in reference to. I tried to be clear that the chosen party activity had a limit of 15 children and with family/outside of school friends in attendance we simply could not invite everyone in the class. Please make sure your child is aware of this, if this is the case. I hate the thought of upsetting a child but obviously we also need to listen to our own children's wishes for their birthday parties'.

At the end of the day we have to prioritise our own kids, OP.

There wasn't enough room, regardless of the issues your child has with this classmate.

So you left out four from the birthday child's class, but filled more spaces with children from their sibling's class?
Not really ok.

Personally in my opinion that was a bad move you invited 10 out of the 14 and one being SEN. Some posts ive read that they think the kids need to suck it up and realise they wont be invited to everything. In a roundabout kind of way I suppose they do but when there's 4 being singled out I think that just comes across as hurtful. Surprised you didn't think that yourself. You say one uses foul language and can be aggressive, that is something you need to take up with school if you fear for your child's saftey.. have a bit of compassion as a mother. Too many dicks in this world, dont add to it

I really hope you didn’t write the invitations @DippyDo3 - no one would have had a clue the day, time or venue!