Kids birthday party aibu

Which means other children missing out who OP's child actually want there. Doesn't sound very fair to them or OP's child.

And she doesn't have to invite that child. She just has to cut back the guest list so it isn't pointed.

One of the problems for all is us these days is that everyone goes round thinking "why should I ..." above all else, and society is consequently becoming pretty unpleasant.

Yeah it’s poor form. It happens in my kids school too from time to time and it’s hard not to loose respect for the parents. My kids have passed comment on the cruelty of it and they’re pretty young so be assured even the parents of the invited children are probably quietly judging you too.

I wouldn’t invite a child who was bullying mine, and I say that as a parent of a SEN child who has been excluded for being very introverted.

In general though I think you’d be better off going for 50/50 on the ratios if inviting children beyond the class.

Exactly.

We have to let our kids choose their friends sooner or later.

I think you are slightly being U. 10 out of 14 is enough for the other four children to feel pretty dejected. I would not have broadcast it on social media though and I have been in the same position as that parent.

Normally I'd say you were unfair, but no one should be forced to invite a bully to their birthday party.

If you invited 10 out of 14- the you are absolutely the asshole

Is not an adult we are talking about, they are children. I remember when I was young and was excluded from parties, the hurt that I felt at that age I can not compare with anything from my adult life. Leaving 4 kids out from a whole class is outright cruel. Remember the children can not regulate their emotions like we can.

My childs first words coming out of school for months were whether or not this particular child had hurt them that day or not and that broke my heart. They were adamant they didn’t want to invite them and i had to support them on that.

That's just heartbreaking isn't it.

I feel the mother's action in attacking you on sm was a bullying behaviour - and perhaps the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

If it was me, I would be going in all guns blazing telling her that her child needs to moderate his behaviour if he wants to be invited to stuff ... but that's probably not a good idea 😁

Nope! My child gets to invite who they want within the numbers allocated. My children have been the ones not invited before and we just breeze it out with a quick explanation that they chose other people. It’s literally never been a big deal.

I wouldn’t leave out a few friends my DC actually did want to invite so as not to hurt the feelings of a child who is physically violent to mine. I wouldn’t allow them to gloat about it or rub it in to those not invited because that would be unkind. Just not inviting children they’re not really friends with is not unkind.

Bad, but normal and happens all the time.

Ignore it.

I think you're both being unreasonable tbh. You knew 4 uninvited out of 14 would be an issue. I think you subconsciously wanted to exclude this child maybe, given your description of them (which honestly, I don't blame you in a way as it should be your DDs special day, not to be ruined by such behaviour). That being said, in a class of 14 I would have urged her to invite the whole class and make up the rest of the numbers from other clubs etc.

The other mum making a social media post is outright weird really. Despite what I said above, in situations where your child isn't invited to a party you just have to accept it.

Forcing friendships will lead nowhere and not everyone always gets invited all the time for many different reasons, it's just a part of life. Her taking to social media to essentially assassinate your character out of emotion is just purely childish and wrong. As a SEN parent in particular, I can see why she may be quite so upset but should have addressed it with you, like an adult, not make passive aggressive posts online like a teenager.

I think I ultimately would side with you on this one, I would be the adult and apologise to the mum who made the post and explain the situation, and that it wasn't done to exclude anybody, lesser yet her child specifically. If she apologises for the post then great, all water under the bridge. If not then you know where you stand with her. Just a completely avoidable situation though really, yet not the worst thing to happen in the world ay.

Hope your DD had a wonderful time

Being kind? You mean put up with abusive behaviour. I hope you are not a parent if you expect a child to put up with being the victim of repeated violence under the guise of "being kind". Perhaps you should educate yourself about the link between being bullied and self-harm/suicide attempts. You are not showing any kindness towards the OP's child.

I think if its small class you just invite them all when they are younger and you are doing bigger activities. As they get older and do more focused things (cinema, etc) you make them smaller,.

Mine were at a primary school with only 26 kids - the done thing was up until Yr 4 you invited everyone and then started being more selective. Restrictive in a way but saved on stress.

But saying that, I would never pass comment if my child hadn't been invited to something

It's also a common refrain on parenting sites like...Mumsnet.

It doesn't feel nice to be hurt at school. There's a difference between kindness and teaching your child that someone hurting you at school should still be allowed to your party no matter how you may feel about it.

That doesn't sound kind to OP's child at all.

I would be calling the mum out and pointing out publicly that her child wasn't invited because he is a violent individual. And then point out that of x NUMBER of children in the school only 14 were invited.

Inviting 10 out of 14 is a dick move.

I don’t agree with her social media post but I think it’s really mean to invite 10 out of 14 children. Invite less than half or the whole class. It’s not difficult to have a bit of empathy!

My sister hasn't spoken to me in months because my 8 year old didn't invite her 3 children to his party of 10.

We have always done family parties until they got old enough to decide who they want - my 8 year old didn't invite her 2 and 3 and 5 year old. She's told everyone I'm awful and didn't even wish him so much as a happy birthday.

I made it clear to my parents (who also think I'm awful) that my son picked his (8) friends because 1 was him and 1 was his sister very carefully. One was my brothers child, who also has 3 children, but older, he only wanted his 10 yr old cousin. My brother didn't care and brang just the one child along no problem!

At 40pp on a (think lazer tag) it's not exactly cheap to add multiple extras just because it's the kind thing to do. I also had to do cake and party favours and balloons. So YANBU imo.

I think you should reflect on if you are really teaching your kid to be kind. It doesn't feel nice to be left out. Even as an adult, I would struggle and I am quite secure in myself and understand not everyone gets invited by everyone. But a child, and one with SEN, does not understand that. The kid is clearly stuggling enough.

Of course you don’t have to invite a child who uses vile language and who hurts their peers. Perhaps the mum could spend some time explaining to their child that no one wants to be friends with people who hurt them. Sounds like it would be a valuable life lesson.

To be fair, that 'rule' tends to apply to more standard classes of 30. It isn't OP's fault that the class happens to be tiny.

1 of those kids not invited hurts OP's kid so they were never going to be invited.