Kids birthday party aibu

I think kids (& adults) should get the birthday THEY want. If that’s a hall and games that everyone can be invited to, brilliant. If it’s five a side football and only 10 out of 15 boys can be invited, so be it 🤷‍♀️

Surely the OP is addressing the behaviour by not inviting the child that hurts other children. Not by requiring them to be less disabled. One child’s SEN doesn’t trump another child’s right to safety.

Why is it worse to leave out a SEN child?

As a SEN mum I was relieved not to go to parties it was usually to much for children. So I wonder if its all about her and not the child.

Saying that I agree that it doesn't seem very fair inviting 10 and leaving out 4, maybe a better balance of 7 or 8.
My daughter(not SEN) is friends with everyone in her class and had a whole class party at age 5. At age 6 we hosted it at home and decided on just a few friends(7 out of 32 in her class.) She did feel bad not inviting everyone but I couldn't cope with that many in my home. There was a mum who I was friends with, her daughter is in the same year but different class, that hasn't spoken to me since then(a year ago) because I didn't invite her daughter to the party but in all honesty she had told me she doesn't like socialising much and the mums from my daughters class don't know her. It was weird to me that she took it so personally.

Just chipping in to say. Id hate it if my child was only invited because they were SEN rather than they were wanted.
Sometimes life is just a bit shit. If theres 10 spaces only 10 can go.
FB mum sounds a bloody nightmare, and all her bitchy cronies

I think it’s very harsh to leave out 4 children

OP's child already has a best friend who goes to a different school. That child would have to be excluded if all of the class is invited.

It's also absolutely fine for a child to not want to be friends with someone who hurts them.

I have been there, and the children are now best friends!

So OP’s child should have to sacrifice their own happiness and emotional wellbeing on the celebration of their own special day by inviting a child who harms them just so that the other mother’s child feels inclusive? That’s what we teach our children? That their own comfort and safety is secondary to being seen to be “inclusive”?

Wow. and when the child hurts your child and spoils their birthday party?

Did you read the rest of my post?

Yes, all children would be invited!

How could you possibly think this was the right thing to do? All the children should have been invited. Put yourself in the position of the 4 children, who were not invited. As a parent, I would be very upset if my child was excluded and treated differently to the majority of his/her classmates. Horrible way to treat children!

Excluding children from a class when the majority have been invited is bad form.

So you would invite a child to your child's party who hurts them?

Why should kids invite kids they don’t like or who have hurt them in the past us adults certainly wouldn’t.Thats life it’s not always fair. It’s your child’s party and they should choose who they want and it’s just bad luck. Your child may be in the same boat and not get invited to a party so they have to take on the chin.

Viewpoint? Its not about a viewpoint.

its telling how people chose to ignore the bit where the kid with SEN regularly hurts children in class. I would not invite him either, and it’s bonkers that people think a child should tolerate someone at their birthday party who hurts them on a regular.

The child in question hurts her son and other children, and you think they should be invited?!

I wouldn't have excluded 4/14 children. A smaller number of children from the class would have been reasonable.

I'd ignore her and give it no credence or oxygen. Your son can choose who he wants to be friends with and who to invite to his party. Maybe this will be a learning experience for the other boy, that bullying and being a jerk to others has consequences.

10 out of 14 of excluding the kid with SEN is pretty shitty

@DippyDo3 yanbu, this invite the whole class is ridiculous. It was not common in my kids day, if you are loaded an can afford it good for you, if not never feel pressure to do something you don't want to or is not in your budget and there was nothing wrong with your ratio. Hope your son had a great party with his friends. If my child was been hurt by another kid they woukd definitely not be invited to a party.

Maybe an unpopular opinion but I don't think you've done the wrong thing. It's just because your child has a very small class that it's an issue. Everyone saying he excluded 4 kids 'including the one with SEN' is assuming he sees that as a reason not to invite them but maybe they're just not friends. I'm not sure I would want my child to be invited just because they're SEN if they're not friends - it might be even more isolating if no one plays with them at the party 😢 If I was in your shoes though, I would reach out to the parent and just explain. Say you've seen their post and are really sorry they felt this way but there were limited numbers so you asked your son to choose and there were other children in the class that weren't invited. That parent may have been told by their child that they were the only one so it's just nice to clarify so the mum can talk to their son and say he wasn't the only one.

My daughter didn't get invited to a nursery party recently and I was a little miffed for her when all the invites were handed out a pick up but she'd never mentioned this kid before. They weren't friends. So it was only a brief passing irrational thought I had... A few weeks later, after they were the only two kids in holiday club and they started playing together everyday, his dad said 'we're having a party, can I send you an invite'.

10 out of a class of 14 is nasty and cruel.