Kids birthday party aibu

The mum lost the moral high ground posting on social media, but imagine you worked in an office of 14 and 10 of the others were invited out for lunch, would you be upset at being excluded? Amplify that for a child.

I've never done a whole class party so always kept it at 8-10 friends rather than almost all of them.

The unspoken rule here is generally 'fewer than half or everyone'. Basically you don't want the 'left out' group to be smaller than the 'invited' group. So ten out of a class of thirty is fine, but ten out of fourteen wouldn't go down well.

YABU.

I don't agree with the taking to social media by the other mum.

BUT I agree that you should not have left only 4 children from the class out! I think that is cruel and I would also be mad if my child had come home upset with being one of the only children not invited. The other children have probably all been talking about it in the class. The four left out must have felt horrible!

I think if there are only 14 kids in the class, I wouldn't have left out 4. If you invite 8 out of a class of 30, that's fine. The mum has overreacted, probably because her child was upset and none of us like to see our child feeling left out. Just ignore her post and move on - it will blow over.

The whole class should have been invited, imo. It really does not seem a good thing to do, leaving just four children out. It seems odd, also to think that the Mother is trying to score points, by 'using her SEN child', on social media.

10 out of 14 (and you left out one with SEN?) … hmmm. I do feel a bit sorry for the 4 left out yes. I think it was mean.

I've seen these types of posts before and the general consensus is usually your kid can invite who they want so YANBU. I guess this is what you want to hear anyway.

But as the mother of a SEN kid who used to cry himself to sleep every night out of loneliness and was seriously attempting suicide by the age of 6 I hate this. As the parent of a kid who doesn't have these challenges you have no idea the pain these children and their families experience. I think at least if some people did they'd behave differently.

My rule always is and always has been for my kids - you invite the whole class (and if there's someone you don't like let's hope the feeling is mutual and they don't come) or just a few choice mates. This halfway some-but-not-all honestly just sucks. It really sucks and I think people who do it because that's what their little princeling wants are not people I want to be mates with.

Yes your child should be involved in choosing who attends their birthday but it is your responsibility to guide them in what is and isn’t appropriate, kind, fair.

Inviting 10 out of 14 children, especially when at least one of those left out has SEN, is not a good look at all and it was your job to manage this either by inviting fewer from the class or by ensuring the whole class was included.

Not sure how old your child is and whether this is the first party you have hosted but maybe something you should reflect on before next year.

The exact maths varies a bit with different opinions but 10/14 was never going to go down well.

It doesn't excuse this woman's social media campaign though.

A bit of both I think. She shouldn’t have taken it to social media and she obviously wasn’t correct stating her child was the only one not invited, but leaving out only 4 of 14 children wasn’t great. Half the class max or all of them.

Most parties have limited numbers, so you always have to be careful how you allocate them.

I don’t think you have to invite a whole class, but 10 out of 14 is enough that it is a couple of children being excluded rather than a few children being selected.

I think the general rule is the whole class, all the boys/girls or a few kids (definitely under half the class). it’s not really fair to just leave 4 out?