Kids birthday party aibu

Of course you don’t have to invite the whole class if you don’t want to.

I’ve never agreed with this. It doesn’t do children any harm to realise they don’t get invited to everything or are not include in everything.

I agree, actually. I did the whole class thing, once, and one boy hit my daughter in the face. Funnily enough I never subscribed to that rule ever again

Who are these posters trying to invent rules?

We teach our girls to stand up for themselves, and our boys too.
You invite who you want to invite. There's no such thing as "acceptable percentage"

It's so unfair to pretend that kids should suck it up and invite people they don't get on, instead of their own friends. Not everyone can invite the whole class, and it's fine.

Adults are such hypocrites, they won't invite someone they dislike in their own home or to their weddings, why should kids be different?

Her post is for social media attention. Let her crack on.

I read it as invited 10 children in total, and the 10 included children from other classes, so not only 4 of the class not going

hurts not only my child but other children in the class and uses foul language to call them names.

you know that SEN and non-SEN parents don't want their own child to be hurt, don't you?

I don't think it's unreasonable to not invite the whole class but I also think that only leaving 4 children out of a class of 14 doesn't sit well with the parents of the 4 who didn't get invited.

However, I also don't think it's unreasonable to not invite someone who you don't actually like to your birthday party. It's OK to only have people who make you feel good and who you feel comfortable around. This child wasn't not invited because they have additional learning needs, they weren't invited because they're not friends with the birthday child.

If you worked somewhere with 13 other people and found out that 10 of the others had been invited to do something fun, you'd feel excluded and put out wouldn't you?

If you worked with 13 other people and 4 of them were invited to something fun you'd be in the majority and not feel singled out. You might still be a bit gutted to miss the fun thing but you'd understand that it's only the people who are closest to each other who've been invited.

We had a thing where once they were in school our kids could invite as many friends as their age that year (yes we were flexible, it was a guide) in primary but they were in classes of 30 children.

YANBU at all. Your child is allowed to choose a particular type of birthday party and choose who they'd like to attend. It would be very wrong to teach a child that they must invite someone who hurts them. The mum is also ridiculous for airing that on social media.

Leaving 4 children out, at least one of which has SEN is a dick move OP. Around half is acceptable if you’re not inviting all or as others have said, just the girls or boys.

hurts not only my child but other children in the class and uses foul language to call them names.

my point exactly

10 out of 14 was out of order. I get that its who your son chose but kids need guidance on this stuff.

I also think that the mums Facebook post was stupid and attention seeking.

Hahaha, that makes much more sense! Can you tell I have absolutely no clue about sport?!

Beyond that though, I can’t quite get over the 2 hour coach trip! Do you mean each way? 4 hours stuck in a coach with a dozen or so children?! Gosh you’re brave!!!

I assumed it was a sports coach teaching the kids some sports skills for a couple of hours.

I'm going to put my hard hat on and say I'd be quite happy to exclude one child from a party if they were regularly hurting my DC, SEN or no SEN.

If it's my child's birthday party I want them to have fun, and not worry about whether that one kid is going to hit / push / bite / strangle them.

No child should have to put up with violence from another child, and they certainly shouldn't be forced to invite them to their birthday party.

I don't think people realise. All we can do is show our children how to behave. I think kids should just have a hall and party games and include everyone.
(((Hugs to your little one)))

I imagine OP meant sports coach - ie an instructor, not a bus.

Leaving four kids out was a bit shit, op.

10/14 is on you I’m afraid. I have always been of the view it needs to be whole class, all of girls/boys or smaller like 6/7 kids. It’s really cruel if someone invites 8/10 girls for example. They all talk and they know about it.

We are finding this much trickier with my second. The class is evenly split by sex and so there are 15 girls with lots of party venues accommodating 10-12 kids. I have personally not chosen to do a 10/15 as it’s on the cusp of being divisive but others have. So I will most likely encourage something where it’s 5/6 or 15 next time round.

I think it’s hard to ever get it right. I don’t really prescribe to the invite the whole class rule (nursery maybe), but that’s because I remember my own class at school, some I liked, some I really didn’t and a few were bullies who I’d have hated to be there. But, I suppose once you get to 10 out of 14 then (unless there are bullies or similar that your child really does not want there) then it does start to feel a little cruel leaving them out.

Beyond that though, I can’t quite get over the 2 hour coach trip! Do you mean each way? 4 hours stuck in a coach with a dozen or so children?! Gosh you’re brave!!!

I am generally for inviting who you want.
But inviting 10 out of 14 is never going to look great.

I agree with those saying either half the class, or all. Just leaving out 4 does seem bad

Isn’t this very outing?

Guessing you and her had a bit of history before this?

I think with 10/14 of the class invited, to avoid drama, you could have just invited the whole class - usually 25% can't come so any left over spors go to friends outside school.

So when my kids say “I don’t want x coming to my party” I ask why. Normally it’s something like “Jessica played with Rachel and not me today so she isn’t coming!” The answer to that is yes she is, not everyone wants to play with you all the time.

However, sometimes they’ll tell me they don’t want a child coming because they’re mean and they have hurt/picked on them or others consistently. In that case, they’re not coming. I don’t care if they’re the only one left out, I’m not having my kids feeling unsafe or anxious about their birthdays to save the feelings of another child who consistently behaves like that.

I’ve had one mum confront be about excluding her son. He terrorised my son, until he eventually hit him back, after which he moved on to picking on another wee boy. I just told her he’s not brining his reign of terror to my son’s birthday and to argue with the wall. It was rude, she doesn’t like me, but that’s fine by me. I’ve had my kids be the only ones not invited, especially my son who has ASD. It sucks but I just explain to them you’re gonna be left out sometimes and that’s just life, then I distract them by doing something fun like baking with them or a cheap/free trip out. I think it’s important for them to know and understand not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay! You don’t have to like everyone either!

Just rise above it @DippyDo3 In the grand scheme of things, it means nothing. There will be other parties for your DC and the other DC.