Kids birthday party aibu

I think you're getting a hard time OP. I think it's fine to invite friends only. And this kid might have SEN, but if he hurts other kids and calls them foul names, then no, people are not going to want them at parties. At our school, Reception parties are normally whole class, after that, you invite who you like. I don't think kids should be made to invite kids who are horrible to them to their parties.

It is about the one thing that the OP was clear about!

you invite the whole class (and if there's someone you don't like let's hope the feeling is mutual and they don't come) or just a few choice mates. This halfway some-but-not-all honestly just sucks.

I am sorry but I completely disagree. End result if that you are not invited anyway, and you need to learn not to count how many other people are not invited too. How would you even know anyway.

It's much healthier to learn that "not being invited" doesn't mean you are EXCLUDED, and people are allowed to have friends.

Nothing wrong with a child having the birthday party he wants.

How many times did you say, "my child", in that post?

I think you could have included another four, however people should not be talking like that on social media, it's a private matter.

Yep I think it's the 10/14 that's the issue here.
You needed to go for less from the class if you weren't inviting everyone as it does look mean leaving out just 4 for whatever reason.
Also how old are they? If you felt one child might have been challenging perhaps a parent could have stayed.
I also find it interesting the posts where it's supposedly a sen child that hurts others who is left out, and the OP never comes back to any questions.

I'm going to disagree with the majority... Last year I made my DD invite all 13 of the girls in her class to a party, she only wanted 11 of them plus some boys and I felt uncomfortable about leaving two girls out.

The two extra girls were really badly behaved, one of them in particular was an utter nuisance and I could totally see why DD didn't want her there, ruining her party. So this year I'm going to listen to her!

I agree with others. It’s the ratio that caused upset here, and while I don’t like the other mother’s choice to take it to social media, her sentiment is understandable.
I would second the “left out group” being larger than participants as a general guide.

10 out of 14 for a class is pretty shitty tbh. Obviously no one has to invite everyone to a party but with a small amount not included it is a bit rubbish for those not invited. It’s not like a class of 30 and you’ve only invited 12. The mum shouldn’t of blasted you on social media though, she should of just accepted her child wasn’t invited but if she thinks hers is the only child not invited she’s thinking your discriminating her child.
I would of been commenting though to correct her about the situation

I didn’t read it as 10 out of 14 of the birthday child’s class were invited, I read it as 10 out of the 14 that were invited were from school - some from the child’s own class and some from other classes - and 4 were from other places, like after school activity friends. It’s not clear to me from the OP what proportion of actual classmates that were invited.

Your post resonates with me, my daughter is autistic and struggled with friendships in junior school. She had a birthday party in the last year of junior school and five people turned up. One of them I didn't know, I was so pleased I went into the kitchen and burst into tears. I hope your has made some friends as he's got older. To read he was so sad at such a young age is heartbreaking.

Do you mean the class has 14 kids in? Or that 10 kids were from school, out of the 14 invited to the party?

that’s how I read it too! Makes a big difference to how people are responding too - OP please could you clarify?

Her child has SEN and hurts not only my child but other children in the class and uses foul language to call them names

I wouldn't invite any child whether SEN or not to a party of my DC if they hurt or used bad language towards them, it was an event where I wouldn't have wanted any child to be hurt or sworn at and a day for my DC to look forward to and not have to be worried the other DC would ruin their special day.

The other parent should be a shamed of herself using her DC in that way but I'd imagine if those reading it really know her they'll be taking her speel with a pinch of salt.

Who's paying? The child's parents? No one else has any say as to who is/is not invited. You don't do that for an adult conference/meeting/wedding reception/adult party. If that is what/who the child wants the invites go out and their parents/guardians decide to accept or decline. There is no way I would invite a very disruptive child unless that is what my child wants. Why does an SEN/disruptive unparented child trump my child's wishes.

If the Op is as clear about who was invited in RL as she is on this thread - I am surprised anyone knew whether they were or weren’t invited!

You did nothing wrong OP. 10 out of 14 in class is ok. If your child is adamant that they don't want to invite someone, then that's ok too.

My children when in Reception years ago were allowed to invite whoever they wanted and as the parties were mostly held in the village hall, there wasn't a cap on numbers. We knew most of the children and their parents and from teaching in their school (albeit older classes) I could understand why they didn't want some pupils! Sorry, but that's the truth.

In those days, parents never used to stay, so I had to be confident that I could supervise AND that the children would behave.

So pleased it’s not just me! I was imagining some expedition to a dry ski slope or some other specialist sporting place. With the poor OP having to deal with a coach load of bored children, manically trying to keep them entertained whilst also having to cope with the odd case of travel sickness!

OP invited 10 kids from across the school, not the class.

If the OPs child invited some from either classes, that must mean at least two, so we're actually looking at eight or less from a class of fourteen. So that's half. Half the class wasn't invited.

As others have said, you either invite the whole class or only a small handful. You can’t basically invite everyone but leave a small amount out, it isn’t fair.

Am I reading it's 10 children across all the classes not 10 out of a class of 14. If 10 out of the whole school and external classes yanbu. If 10 out of the 14 yabu and should have done a different sort of party and invited fewer. Although I can understand why your child doesn't want to invite a child that hurts them hence why different soft of party. However mum of the left out boy of potentially four shouldn't have thrown a wobbly online about it and tbh that looks very bad on her.

Like everyone said - leaving out four from a class of 14 is just mean. You say you teach your children to be kind to others, well when you got the party list that was a teachable moment.

Having said that, I would not invite the child who hits either. And I did lose a friend as her child was violent to mine repeatedly and mine refused to see him anymore, and I supported him in that.

But nor would I have let my kids invite 10 out of 14.

10 out of 14 is pretty poor to be fair. I’m in a similar boat organising a party and I’m having a rethink as I know, roles reversed, we would feel pretty sad to be on the other side of this.
The boy / girl split matters too. If, for example, the 4 children were 3 girls and 1 boy… and you invited all the other boys that would only make it worse in my opinion.

You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry the mum and child felt left out but there was no reason to risk your child's party to that behavior. As a mum of a child with challenges *non violent, this happens sometimes it hurts but that's life. It would have been very unfair to have violence and swearing ruin your party.

I wondered the same thing! A coach trip to get to a party!