Kids birthday party aibu

You can’t win op tbh.

I sent out invites 2 weeks ago for a whole class party and haven’t heard back from half the class of 30.

Don’t feel bad that you didn’t do a whole class party.

I think inviting 10 out of 14 was quite sad. The people not invited are going to feel left out and the mother was obviously upset by it

my kid had that once and it was as rally sad.

You are a sensible parent and would be great on loads of the threads where the OPs get themselves in a fury based on something their reception aged child said another child said to them!

Some kids are never on anybody's list. Unless they are bullies or dangerous to be around, I think we have to duty to try to make that better for them

There was a similar party when my dd was in school- and I think around 4 were left out. Birthdays are mega important to young children and I know the birthday girl held currency in class with ‘you are coming’ ‘you are not coming’ to children. Generally she was a kind girl and I doubt her mum ever got wind of what she was saying. Leaving 4 out is against the social etiquette rules for primary that I understood- though actually my Sen child was quite chilled about it- other children were gutted. I don’t agree with the social media posting- but also, that mum may well think that her child was the only one. My Sen daughter was never reliable relaying that sort of info

She’s wrong to blast it on social media. But as a mum of a SEN child if I heard he was one of 4 that got excluded I’d feel (privately) upset about it.

To invite four out of fourteen is reasonable. To invite ten out of fourteen is pretty mean. Saying, "But space was limited and he has other friends he wanted to invite" just means. "Sorry, you and a couple of others didn't make the cut - but most of your class is going!"

I'm afraid you aren't teaching your child to be genuinely thoughtful of others.

The only rule is that you invite who you want to your own party.

We force our kids go to school
we force them to do their homework and their chores
we force them to get on with everybody
to be "kind" at school even when they dislike someone
we force them to get on with everybody at clubs and be inclusive in sport

The heck would I ruin their one birthday party by insisting they invite someone they don't like, or worst that bullies them!

What kind of twisted nonsense is that.
I feel so sorry for the kids with entitled parents who are making a drama when they don't get an invitation, instead of teaching them that's it's a non issue.

Exactly this

I think it's pretty clear from the wording that the OP means 10 out of 14 party spots went to children from school including some from other classes.

I dont read it as 10 out of 14. She invited 10 children from the school not the class as she says some were older siblings who played the same sport were invited. Its not clear though so I could be wrong.

Be kind to ALL children. It’s not hard for the majority of people to do.

Inviting 10 out of 14 would have resulted in this because the 4 not coming would have felt excluded no matter your excuse. If you have invited 7 or less then that’ll be more balanced. How I do these things is I invite a group (so like school) with a short RSVP date and wait to get responses and if I still have space invite the next group. My DD was born on Xmas eve so we always get lots who decline her invite so I don’t have to leave anyone out to make up the numbers

I disagree with the majority here. I think it's important for the child to choose who their own friends are. They should be encouraged to trust their own judgement about who are safe, supportive and positive friends and who are people who will bring pain and drama into their lives. They should be allowed to have their opinions and boundaries respected. Developing these skills leads to teens who chose their friends well and don't fall in with the wrong crowd. And adults who stand up for themselves in healthy relationships and don't get into crazy situations with batshit in laws.

Nobody thinks being a people pleaser is a good trait. Nobody should be expected to spend their leisure time, let alone their birthday celebration with people they dislike, let alone a person who is violent and aggressive towards them. Why is this something to encourage if the people involved are under some arbitrary age?

Your job is to help your child grow up to be the best, happiest, healthist version of themself. They should be taught to be polite to people they don't like, and understanding of disability or difference, but they do not need to compromise their own wellbeing for anyone.

YABU. You have made 4 children feel excluded and left out. Including one who is already struggling to fit in. You are the adult here and should have thought this through. You’ll know for next time.
the general rule is invite whole class especially when class is small like 14.
if you had limited numbers and invited a small group of 6 out of a big class of 30 then this would be acceptable too

you are the one who sounds very entitled. Why should you expect to be invited to everything exactly?

Another mean adult!

I read it to mean out of 14 kids invited in total, 10 were from school? Or the school has very small class numbers

Kids do not work it out like that. They just see, 10 were invited, 4 left out. Not nice.

It would have worked the other way though.

Yes that was absolutely cruel to those 4. @DippyDo3 can you imagine yourself young in a class of 14 children, 10 of which were invited to a party and you were one of four left out. How would you have felt?

I also think you are getting a hard time OP. Parties are expensive. Numbers were limited. It's your child's birthday and they get to enjoy the day by being with other kids whose company they enjoy and not having to dodge children who have hurt him in the past. It would have been different if they not invited 1 or 2 children from the class, but almost a third weren't invited!

Exactly! This wasn't what I would describe as 'kind'.

My rule for my kids is less than half the class, or everyone. Inviting a few special friends is fine, but it's not fine to leave a few people out.

Equally the mum was being ridiculous posting about it on social media.

people do this in my daughters school l one mum handled it really well she came up to me and asked if my daughter would enjoy a football party as she had limited numbers and I said honestly no. It made me feel like she had at least thought about us

Considering you didn’t invite all the children in the class but hers, I would assume this post is not about you.