Kids birthday party aibu

I can't remember any previous threads involving such a tiny class. That is part of the main issue in this case as if it was a class of 30, inviting 10 would've been a non issue to most people.

Almost every comment on this post said the poster should have invited the whole class and not excluded 4 out of 14 of the kids. So why did the majority vote that she wasn't being unreasonable?

With just 4 kids missing out, it's a bit mean, truth be told. It's one thing if you are only taking a handful of best/ closest mates but if you're inviting the majority, you've got to invite everyone.

Really? I have seen multiple threads where it is the excluded mum posting and the consensus is whole class or small number...not that I necessarily agree but I think your generalisation of opinions, as always here, depends on what side has posted

So instead of 4 out of 14 classmates being "excluded", you still don't invite those 4 but also don't invite, say, 3 out of his 9 friends in the class? Because those 3 being his friends, seeing his 6 other friends from the class go, hearing about it from these kids they spend their time playing with, they won't feel left out at all.

A dick move???? Hahahah you’re a dick mate. She can invite who tf she wants. If you think it’s a dick move, that’s your problem.

I am glad it worked out that way for you, and good for you for giving it a shot. But surely you're not suggesting that creates some kind of generalised rule or policy? In this case, the OP and her child didn't want to do that, and their own boundary is sufficient in itself real of the hurt that might be felt by another child. People are allowed to have boundaries, and this is good.

This is exactly why allowing one's boundaries to be trampled on, or standards altered, solely for the sake of some narrow and arbitrary measure of inclusion, doesn't actually make anything better. It just kicks the need to draw the boundary down the road, makes those conceding their boundaries feel resentful in the meantime, and fails to give the one being "included" anything authentic, which can lead to worse problems down the road.

I think this is what it comes down to.

Telling of what? That the OP doesn’t think SEN is a valid reason for her child to be subjected to violence?

Honestly you can invite who your child wants. If you are limited on numbers that is unfortunate but it is what it is. You didn't go out of your way to exclude the 1 child on purpose (although well within your rights if that child is constantly hurting your child - sen or not). Others were also not invited.

The other mum just comes across as unreasonable. Who makes a post about it on social media linked to their business. Very unprofessional.

We have plenty of parties were my children do and don't make the cut. I rarely care bar the one who accused my child of bullying theirs.....turns out if was the other way around. My opinion is the birthday child can invite who they please. People can only afford to have a certain number and why should a child miss out on a party because they can't afford to invite everyone.

I'm with you.
It's the kids party, the choose who comes. To be honest, if your child doesn't want someone there, they probably don't want to come. They obviously aren't friends.

it's fine. they survive. it's not like one was singled out. It's on the parents to manage this. Invites were not even handed out in school ffs.

Weird that you totally disregarded my “invite fewer children” alternative then. No one is saying you MUST invite a bully, they are saying manage it so 4 out of 10 children from a small class are not excluded. What is your opinion about the other 3 children not being included?

I have and I'm still stunned that you think the mother safeguarding her child and not inviting a bully is in the wrong.

that you care more about other kids than the safety of your of child is both disgusting and worrying from a safeguarding point of view. what the actual hell

That only works if parents are actually willing to take responsibility and if it's the kind of party where parents can tag along to.

Inviting all children in this case would also mean the child's actual best friend who goes to a different school getting excluded.

I think it depends on what sort of party. I've seen this approach work fine at village hall or soft play parties with the child's parent offering a lot of support. An activity party where you need to follow lots of instructions is different. Besides I would be less likely to trust this child's mother after her behaviour on social media.

I am sorry, but I disagree. This situation can be managed, when you involve the disruptive child's parents, and explain the situation you find yourself in. I did this, and as I said in a previous post, the child came to the party and his parents took responsibility for his behaviour, with the understanding if he misbehaved, he would be going home. He was as good as gold and my son ended up with a new best friend.

Well said. And incidentally special educational needs are not a reason to hit people.

It hasn't universally changed - the vast majority people on this thread are validating the decision not to invite the bullying child; some are commenting on the ratio. Just about the majority are backing what the OP did in its entirety.

That is not kind or responsible to your own child - to expose them in their own home to a bully.

I don’t think it’s worse? But I think it’s telling.

Lesson of life. If you are unpleasant and obnoxious to people in situations where they have no choice over being in the same group as you, then it should be no surprise that you will not be invited where they do have a choice. SEN is being used as an excuse in this situation. Why should a parent who is paying for a party (with their own hard earned money) for their own beloved child have to host another child who is vile and rude?

these things used to be much simpler. If you’re a bully, if you’re violent unpleasant, if you’re nasty: you wouldn’t get invited to things because people didn’t like you. When did that change? These are the very basics of socialisation and parents should make it one of the key things they teach their children.

Leaving out a small group of 4 children was a really unkind thing to do, and definitely isn't teaching your dc to be kind to everyone!

You need to either invite everyone or only invite a smaller group.