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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do people get so upset over such trivial things?

40 replies

americangirls · 22/09/2026 11:37

I work in the NHS.

I emailed someone who has, apparently, left the team some six months ago. Still in the same trust.

I was not made aware of this change as I float between different departments. I had copied in the generic email address too.

No harm no foul, right?

Wrong! I have now had three very stroppy, very rude emails:

  1. the original recipient, very snappy and harsh. Copying in the band 4,5&6
  2. the band 5 - again very rude, apologising profusely to the original recipient for the “distress” this must have caused
  3. the band 6 - again rude, telling me to update my records and ensure that I do not, ever, email this person again

AIBU to think this is a huge overreaction?! There was no data breach, no harm, just an email that could’ve easily been a “sorry, I’m not in the team anymore ☺️”.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 22/09/2026 11:40

Sounds like they left under a cloud. I don't think it's about you.

randomchap · 22/09/2026 11:41

There's probably some massive back story you're unaware of. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Although extrapolating from this example to "why do people" question seems a bit mad

QueenOfAccountability · 22/09/2026 11:43

Whose job is it to ensure that the email addresses for each team are kept current and correct? Because thats the person to blame for this.

PollyBell · 22/09/2026 11:44

I just think some people need drama in their life and move on

NotAnotherScarf · 22/09/2026 11:46

Personally I couldn't resist pointing out that it was an error, contacting my manager and going home with 'stress '.

belchingalong · 22/09/2026 11:47

Very odd. It’s completely normal to get emails about previous teams you’ve worked in. You just reply and and say “sorry not there anymore” or the admin replies to the email sent to the generic inbox.

I do find the tactic of CC’ing everyone into a reply to make your point quite amusing!

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 22/09/2026 11:47

There must be a story you aren't aware of. Nobody is that heavy handed otherwise

DarkSunshine · 22/09/2026 11:49

Did you email back saying you hadn't been informed of the change in staffing and you had no reason to believe you needed to email a different member of staff?

concertinacornflake · 22/09/2026 11:52

You've got upset enough to start a thread about it!

But presumably there's some back story you're not privy to. Dont dwell on it, not your problem.

Original poster
americangirls · 22/09/2026 11:52

DarkSunshine · 22/09/2026 11:49

Did you email back saying you hadn't been informed of the change in staffing and you had no reason to believe you needed to email a different member of staff?

Yeah I’ve done that now. Just seems so rude to me!

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 22/09/2026 11:53

Oh dear. How can NHS staff have time for this nonsense when they continually complain about how overworked and under resourced they are?

dontcookwontcook · 22/09/2026 11:53

I’d raise a complaint about that but that’s because I’m a bitch. I’d say it was distressing being spoken to disrespectfully so publicly by 3 different team members
a simple mistake doesn’t require berating 3 times and also, they received an old re an old job, so what?

BillieWiper · 22/09/2026 11:56

Yeah definitely not you. I'd be googling their name and tribunals! Obviously something bad happened.

AlwaysExtraHot · 22/09/2026 12:06

takealettermsjones · 22/09/2026 11:40

Sounds like they left under a cloud. I don't think it's about you.

Would they still be in the same trust if this were the case?

That aside, what a waste of senior staff's time that sounds like.

Original poster
americangirls · 22/09/2026 12:15

RosesAndHellebores · 22/09/2026 11:53

Oh dear. How can NHS staff have time for this nonsense when they continually complain about how overworked and under resourced they are?

To be fair this was weeks ago now it’s just irritated me!

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 22/09/2026 12:32

AlwaysExtraHot · 22/09/2026 12:06

Would they still be in the same trust if this were the case?

That aside, what a waste of senior staff's time that sounds like.

Show quote history

I don't see why not, if they had a grievance with a particular member of staff for instance?

AlwaysExtraHot · 22/09/2026 12:36

takealettermsjones · 22/09/2026 12:32

I don't see why not, if they had a grievance with a particular member of staff for instance?

Show quote history

Yes, maybe. I've no idea how big NHS trusts can be or how likely you are to come across particular people if you change jobs.

nomas · 22/09/2026 13:33

How unprofessional. This would be sorted in 2 seconds outside of the NHS.

ilovesooty · 22/09/2026 13:38

NotAnotherScarf · 22/09/2026 11:46

Personally I couldn't resist pointing out that it was an error, contacting my manager and going home with 'stress '.

And that sort of behaviour trivialises genuine workplace stress.

ilovesooty · 22/09/2026 13:39

americangirls · 22/09/2026 11:52

Yeah I’ve done that now. Just seems so rude to me!

Show quote history

Good for you. It's a ridiculous overreaction on their part.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 22/09/2026 13:40

takealettermsjones · 22/09/2026 11:40

Sounds like they left under a cloud. I don't think it's about you.

But they haven't left the hospital/organisation - they've just moved to a different part of it. It's not reasonable to expect certain people in the same trust to know that they must never ever contact you. It can't be that much of a grievance if they've stayed in the trust; and even if there was a grievance, it wasn't with OP, was it?

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 22/09/2026 13:48

randomchap · 22/09/2026 11:41

There's probably some massive back story you're unaware of. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Although extrapolating from this example to "why do people" question seems a bit mad

True, there's only one example given by the OP; but it's hardly an isolated experience that nobody else will ever have had.

There are loads of people, in all areas of life, who have such low self-esteem, low confidence in their skills and/or far too much time on their hands that they are just permanently on the look-out for somebody to offend them by making a trifling mistake, so they can berate them and 'prove' to everybody how much better a person they believe that they are.

Honestly, 'distress' at somebody contacting you about a professional job that you did until recently... that is not a normal way to react whatsoever.

Greenmouldycheese · 22/09/2026 14:12

Some people are arseholes. You did nothing wrong.

PJ98 · 22/09/2026 14:43

americangirls · 22/09/2026 12:15

To be fair this was weeks ago now it’s just irritated me!

Show quote history

Some people might wonder why you are irritated about something so trivial that happened weeks ago too.

Catza · 22/09/2026 16:07

QueenOfAccountability · 22/09/2026 11:43

Whose job is it to ensure that the email addresses for each team are kept current and correct? Because thats the person to blame for this.

This is not about assigning blame. This is about having a disproportionate reaction to a complete non-event.
Unless the OP and this person have some turbulent history, I really don't see what the big deal is and why the recipient couldn't simply say that they moved teams and so-and-so is now covering this particular piece of work. I do it all the time and copy in the relevant so-and-so.

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