Need help getting through the day when struggling

I think it’s hard to advise without more information. When you say it’s situational depression, do you mean it’s related to your work? Because if it’s that bad you don’t know how to get through the next 7 hours, and you can’t stop crying, something about that situation needs to change.

You're not mentally fit for work. Go home. Tomorrow, go to your GP and talk about your feelings. I'm really sorry about your struggles.

instead of enduring and likely getting to the point of emotional collapse can you give yourself permission stop and rest. If you are so depleted that you are crying at work it’s perfectly fine to go sick, because you are. You don’t have to be stoic here. Just because you’re sadness and exhaustion ‘can’t be changed and isn’t work related’ you are carrying that mental load into work. When tears break through it shows the dam has burst, be kind to yourself.

Make a list of all the valuable and positive aspects of your life that you are grateful for. Spend 10 minutes each morning going over this list and add to it if you need to. When you are feeling down or despairing, default to thinking about things on the list and think about the pleasure, fun or wellbeing that you get from them. When you feel your thoughts spiraling into negativity, bring yourself back to thinking about something on the list. Mindfulness is also a good tool for this. Focus as much as you can on the present moment and what is happening right in front of you. When you feel your mind leading you down the negative path, notice this and bring yourself back to the immediate future. Focus on what you can see or hear in the room. The feel of whatever you are holding in your hand at the time. This takes practice but just remember that time spent ruminating over negative things is time wasted and doesn't make anything better.

Hi Op

I too suffer with severe depression...what I do is say "if I can just get through this next 5 minutes, 10 minutes etc, it'll get easier ". Rather than "I've got to get through the day".
I really sympathize as I'm also self employed so can't take time off work.

make sure to have a lunch break and a small afternoon break (or wherever you need it most). This will make sure you can keep up with your job and support yourself. Take a short walk when you can. Gove yourself time.

If you absolutely cannot take time off, and you absolutely must work then you must change something about the thoughts that are making you sad. Its easy to say stop thinking about it but the crux is that you have to learn to stop thinking.

Every time it comes to your head; imagine a big stop sign; and say in your head and quietly to yourself out loud (important for all 3 as its stronger using your actual voice than not) "not now Josephine" (in the ilk of Napoleon) or some other suitable name? someone you dont like.

Imagine the "bad" thoughts being said in the voice of someone you dont like - some pompous self absorbed eejit (enough so that you feel well able to say - no! go away). The thoughts will return. Just keep doing it, sometimes the thoughts will return immediately, sometimes you might make yourself smile and they go away for 5 minutes, but keep doing it, change the voice. change the statement, do whatever it takes and then immediately go on to think about something else, whatever you can, whats for dinner?, which client is next? - it doesnt matter, as long as its not sadness.

At the same time place a hand on your chest and say to yourself " I'm safe, this sadness will pass". You're trying to rewrite neural pathways that are now predisposed toward sadness, when the sadness is serving you no purpose.

You're the one crying, you're the one sad, its changing nothing. All its doing is making you unable to function. Sadness is not serving you.

I'm not saying the sadness isn't valid. I'm not saying that you should never let the sadness out. I'm saying that you have to find coping mechanisms to get through those 5 minutes. And this is what worked for me.

Eventually the sad feeling will not come back immediately, some days they will, and thats ok. But you are trying to get through that immediate 5 minutes. And the next time, its just the next 5 minutes. Until one day itll be 10, then 15.

I'm really sorry about your fertility struggles and that IVF didn't give you a positive outcome.

I think your approach has to be twofold: one is finding ways to deal with the working day, and the other is processing the grief and treating your depression.

If you're self-employed, I know this brings pressure to earn but it does give you some control over your working day. Build in breaks between clients. I know you need to work but can you find space in the budget to drop one client to give yourself space in the working day? This might involve refinancing the credit card debt (can you partner help with this, if you have one?).

I also think you need to seek out therapy and maybe antidepressants. I know the latter feels wrong when your situation is one you can be justifiably sad about. But when I was depressed as a result of trying to get my kids SEN addressed - also, situational - antidepressants for a period helped me to function and get through the day. The feelings may lessen or change over time, but you also need space to feel them now, and to feel listened to.

I was a bit sniffy about things like gratitude journals, but actually writing down three things I was grateful for every day did help when I was really low.

I hope you can find some peace soon.

I hope PP doesn't mind me posting an alternative perspective on the above.

It may work for some people in some circumstances, but also comes with some risk and (my understanding is) is less likely to be recommended nowadays, with particular care taken in the case of significant MH issues.

A layperson's article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201007/why-thought-stopping-doesnt-work (Sorry for the scarily earnest image that seems to come with the link).

Instead of this, mindful observation of thoughts may be better at diminishing their power and impact? Again, though, probably do a bit of reading around the concept and approach first.

The best advice would be to see a qualified therapist who can recommend tools based on your particular needs. Or, if this isn't possible, the "Overcoming" series is good for "professional" self-help.

https://www.amazon.de/Overcoming-Depression-3rd-behavioural-techniques/dp/1849010668

The very best of luck.

One other good one some professionals recommend - although, again, it would be best to get some objective advice on what's best suited to your needs (GP?)

https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Difficult-Emotions/dp/1849016216

Best wishes, OP.