So I'm in charge of the finance and general house admin, school communications, shopping etc. DH often does 1 school run / day, check some of children homework, a bit of tidy up & grocs shopping and bedtime story. (we have a cleaner a couple of times a week so just need to clean up after the meals). Apart from that, he doesn't take notice when things need to be done and only does things when being told to. Children come to me for most things . I feel like carrying the mental load for the whole family.
When we both worked full time, it didn't feel massively unfair as he earned twice or 3 times as much as me and his job was probably more demanding than mine.
Now as he has just been made redundant. He's been glued to his desk and computer as he's trying to learn new skills and find a job.
I am expecting as he's now not having a job, he should be doing a lot more housework / being on top of the children's schedules but he claims that he's still working very hard to find job and support the family. He says he also does a lot of housework during the day when I'm at work and can't see it.
I start to feel resentful, for example: going home after work and I mainly do the cooking. He would approach and ask do I need any help, but surely if he's around all day he could have planned dinner himself not wait until I get home? Then he knows he needs to clean up afterwards with the children, but then he claims that he feels exhausted after the meals so he needs to lie down for half an hour before doing any work. I therefore feel the ick and often just do it myself. I know if I ask him to cook he would or if I leave the mess he will do it eventually but I get fed up being an organizer for everything.
I've talked about how I feel and he acknowledged said he will try his best to improve, but it's a slow process. In the mean time, I'm getting a bit impatient and frustrated and this is not a good atmosphere for the family.
He is otherwise a faithful, loving husband. In general I think he doesn't expect or want me to do more housework than him. He'd rather the house is messy, or we eat takeaways. He thinks I simply have higher standards and higher expectations than him.
YABU = I am having unrealistic expectations
YANBU = Husband not pulling the weight