Can male- female long term relationships actually be positive for women?

As a female, married since the early 70’s, I’ve had two long hetero marriages , then widowed, and now with a lovely partner. They’ve been nothing but positive for me. 👍

I personally think heterosexual relationships where you live together are rarely positive for women. It happens, and I’m glad for those couples, but it’s rare.
I care incredibly deeply about my long term DP, and he’s a very decent man, but there is no way I would live with him. We have two houses in the same village and that works brilliantly.

This is a very good analysis.

Very few people start a thread on any forum about how fantastic their relationship with their husband or life time partner is, how they've grown together and are as much, if not more in love than when they first met, or how he's not having or has ever had an affair.

Yet they do exist, but I the suspect the comments would be either "what a strange thread to start"...or..."bully for you, open your eyes, of course he's having an affair" type answers from those that have never experienced the same type of relationship.

My 36 year marriage has enriched my life immeasurably. I would marry him again in a heartbeat.

I do wonder about the toll raising children seems to take on LTRs, ime couples who have raised children to adulthood and are still together and romantic and sexual partners as opposed to housemates seem quite rare. We did want children but it never happened for us. There have definitely been compensations in terms of the quality of our relationship.

I can see why you would think that, but I can honestly say that my life has not just been enhanced but exponentially expanded by DH’s presence in it. We got together as undergraduates, the first of our poor, dysfunctional families to make it to university, and gave one another confidence to negotiate a new world, new types of people, post-university opportunities, studying abroad, fulfilling ambitions etc. More than 30 years on, despite ups and downs, my life would have been a lot smaller and more timid without him cheering me on and boosting me.

It depends. I see many of my friends and relatives getting divorced from their husbands whom they met on their 20s and then finding a more fulfilling relationship in their 40s and 50s.
One the child rearing years are over, there is less of an urgency to "settle" for a person who may be "ok". Plus, as any other skill, relationship skills develop with practice. So what you would do and accept in a relationship changes over time.
I know that, in my 40s, my requirements for a partner are very different and I won't accept things which fundamentally don't work for me like I may have done in my 20s and even 30s.
So yes, my partner makes my life infinitely better and happier because both of us went into this relationship with a strong sense of identity and strong boundaries, and better communication skills. We are together because we want to, not need to.

I can see your point as I watch my friends and family in bad relationships and wonder why they stay but I have to say I am in a healthy relationship that adds to my life. He's supportive, loving, hard working, a brilliant dad and we share the same goals. We are equal partners in our marriage and we are good at communicating.

We have had to work to get here, finding our own and each others communication style and what works for us has helped us massively.

My life would definitely be worse without him in it.

Obviously they can be very positive, but I do think what you are witnessing is true and part of a wider societal change.

Go back through history and the positive/negative balance of relationships was clearer for a woman. having a man meant:

Money, Safety from other men, can have children, Safety and future for children, Physical ability/strength, Legal rights/protections that women couldn't have etc.

Obviously there were huge risks, he could be violent, a drunk, useless etc. but in general there was still necessary practical needs that only a man could give.

You'd put up with the bad, because you had no choice. You needed a man. (just hope he is a good one...)

Now though, we have outsourced a lot of those to other areas.
Safety = police,
money = both sexes can work,
Children = not needed for future care, not shamed for not having them
Elderly care/support = government
Heavy lifting = Pay others

So what is the point of men in the lives of women?

Before it was both love/companionship + practical advantages. but now it is just love/companionship. If a man isn't giving you that, they are fairly useless to you in modern society.

Unfortunately from my perspective, I think that this message hasn't quite gotten through to many men yet, who haven't quite realized that their previously held practical roles of being the provider, working, bringing in the food, fixing the house etc. are not enough any more, and that just doing these won't keep their relationships alive, if they also have a fair few negative traits alongside.

I think this goes somewhat to explaining why an increasing number of women are questioning whether (outside of childbirth) men improve their lives... and it also goes somewhat to questioning why a lot of men are struggling for any "purpose" in their lives.