AIBU to feel lonely at 50 and struggle to make friends?

I sympathise, OP. I agree with others that have said, getting more energy into your life and feeling better will help with making more contacts. I think the gym (or any other exercise) should help gradually with getting more energised and feeling more like doing stuff.

However I don't think the gym itself is a good place to meet people - whenever I go to my local large one, everyone is working out, some with headphones in, and no one is communicating to anyone else at all. If I go to gym classes, at the end everyone gets up and goes straight off to get changed or move on somewhere else, they don't hang around chatting. I'd see the gym as a means to an end for you to feel physically better.

Other groups might exist where you can meet a group of people on a regular basis. What about the Ramblers - going on walks with people, nearly everyone turns up on their own so it isn't all couples. Is there anything you enjoy like theatre, cinema, music, where there may be groups close to you ? It does take a fair bit of effort though to find the right fit for you, I wish you all the best.

Another vote for the WI. The trick is to find the group that best suits you - you can attend a meeting as a guest to get a feel for whether it's the right fit. Not every WI is old ladies knitting and singing Jerusalem (though this is my thing!)

I've been a member of a WI for almost a decade and have made so many friends through meetings and trips out. Lots of ladies of all ages and from different walks of life and it's become a highlight of my month.

Sooooooo many people in this situation. Of all ages.

there needs to be like a website that connects people in this situation.

This x 1000

Gym at the weekend and you might find you have some more energy for gym after work.

Sorry you feel this way, OP. It seems to me you have two things at play here: a lack of friends and a lack of energy/enthusiasm for getting out there. These two things will co-exist and I think you might benefit from sorting out the energy first.

You say your job is very tiring and you are on your feet so you don't want to exercise afterwards. Is there some form of exercise you feel you might be willing to try? Salsa, line dancing, walking etc. You know yourself better so I won't suggest anything else. I think moving your body in some way outside of your home would be a really good start. I have never met anyone who felt worse after yoga, but appreciate that might be you.

Weirdly I am more exhausted if I don't exercise and even a walk outside for half an hour, in daylight if at all possible, helps both body and mind.

I'm 52 and although we are in similar positions (my nest is also becoming a bit more empty as the kids need us less) I am relishing the chance to do more of all the things I have done less of while in the throes of active parenting whereas you sound a little lost in this new landscape. I can totally see how that could happen if you didn't keep up with any interests while the kids were small. Lots of parents don't

Could you perhaps decide on one thing you do on Saturdays between now and Christmas that gets you moving and one thing that brings you joy while your husband is at work? If it is out of your house and with other humans, I think this might be a game changer. I would also consider a GP visit and HRT if that is an option. It is possible that you are grappling with changing friendships, a different season of life with grown up kids and some menopausal exhaustion, which is a lot. A small step to getting out somewhere and doing something on a Saturday might change your perception of things in the right direction. It could be the start of a social life or at least the start of doing something just for you. I hope so.

You only see people within a radius of miles that you set, so you don't find anyone who doesn't live anywhere you. Local only.
There is an events feature too for meeting larger groups.
I met one of my dearest friends on there several years ago when I was still fairly new to the area. I find that meeting another woman for a cup of tea in a public place feels very safe. If you don't like the vibe you move on.
Anyway, I'm not on commission from the app but it's worked out very well for me.

Really? Personally I wouldn’t use any dating app for friends only. I’d say it’s much safer to go along to organised groups or events and then swap numbers with others there, than to friend-date through an app, especially if they don’t live anywhere near you, as you’d end up online with them (if they are even who they say they are) instead of turning up IRL which is much better for your mental health.

Have you tried Bumble BFF? It's a dating app but you can put it to 'friends only' setting and select that you only want to meet women. In fact you can narrow it down with very specific age/hobby/interests filters.
I have met some nice folk there.

Also I'm 48 and could possibly live near you, so feel free to PM me in case we're in the same outskirts 😂

I’m 50 too op and naturally very friendly.

I have my group of oldest and best friends - admittedly there’s no one quite like them.

I have also made new friends in the following ways:

Studying a new skill at college on the day a week I don’t work - lovely group of mixed age new mates all into going on days out to explore our area of interest.

Joining a women’s sport club once a week - I now have a group of younger friends from 20’s-40’s

Friends of old friends I have met through going to festivals/ on holiday with a group

Mums of kids my kids go to school with - being friendly and inviting them and their partners to dinner / Xmas parties etc

Being really very chatty and talking to all my neighbours

Dog walking friends I see in the park every day

Book club

Working for a charity - I get to meet lovely likeminded people who I also meet up with socially

Just put yourself out there op. It’s fun! There’s a whole world out there of nice people to meet!

Also - in my area there’s a group that runs DofE for teenagers through our LA, and the adults running it tend to be older and are a good laugh. It’s quite niche but it’s a nice way to connect with young people. You get to accompany the kids on hikes and teach them how to pitch a tent, cook food, and plan a route using a map. Worth looking into?

But if reading is one of your interests, and you’re lonely, why is he annoying for suggesting a book club as a way of making friends ? If you never read, and would spend the meetings bored out of your skull, then obviously it’s a weird idea.

I've just thought of something.

If you live near a bigger city, lots are now advertising day discos. Various venues in my local city have held alternative 80s, 80s pop and 90s Indie day discos.

I think you can pretty much guarantee that those will have people around your age.

If you're feeling brave enough to go to one of those alone, I'd imagine you'd meet women at one.

Swing dance lessons attract people of all ages and have a lot of social dances and festival meet ups and you can go alone - Lindy Hop is a lot of fun and very friendly.

Community choirs are also good and attract a lot of women who have often joined with the intention of making friends.

I’m in the same boat OP and honestly if my DH suggests one more time that I join a book club I think I will scream. Instead of thinking about making friends, just start by exploring your own interests and doing what you like and hopefully there will be other likeminded people out there doing the same. Keep showing up. I’ve also got a gorgeous dog who keeps me company and honestly I think animals are better than a lot of people anyway.

It can be especially hard feeling this way coming into winter. Try to reframe what being alone means- it doesn’t have to feel lonely, as pp said you can be in loads of social groups and not really make any friends as such, but you can still really enjoy doing that activity alongside like minded people. If a friendship comes out of it, then it’s a bonus, but I’d concentrate on finding things you enjoy doing for yourself first. Could start with something easy like a cinema or theatre trip by yourself to build confidence up, as there’s always plenty of people there by themselves.

A stranger is just a friend you have not met yet😁
Go to a pub quiz (alone so always come last) but now know everyone there.
I go on holiday alone (not really as there is thousands of other people there to enjoy a sangria with!)
I go to a UFO meeting where we discuss all the sightings from the u.k in the last month. Yoga is a brilliant idea as if your tired just have a nap when your doing a downward dog😂Go to your local football stadium for a match. Brilliant atmosphere and especially as im a glory supporter (who ever is winning im supporting). Definitely if ive put a bet on!
As you love reading i second pp with book club.
Salsa dancing? Pole fitness? Walking groups? History groups? Metal detector?
Does your local animal shelter do 'doggy walks' for a day? Its fab to get talking to people with an adorable puppy!

Most importantly if you make it through that list of suggestions just remember to smile BIG! And talk to as many people as you can. You sound absolutely lovely and id 100% be your friend!

The only time I can read a book all the way is if I’m really interested in getting to know the ending. You’re not the only one in this position. On different forums I see people wanting to make friends. I do worry how safe it is for people to meet strangers. I’m in Newcastle or I’d of been your friend. Is there no one at work you could try striking up a conversation with to see if you’d have any common interest?

Yoga class! Will make a huge difference to your energy and mood. I took up yoga and sea kayaking in my late forties and am now far fitter than I’ve ever been. Worked wonders on my menopause symptoms.

I have no family sadly, and my one proper friend lives hundreds of miles away…anyone here is a polite acquaintance but that’s it. They all have family and friends from growing up here etc, they don’t want/need new friends. It’s really hard.

And yes, if you do more and get fitter in some way you will have more stamina & energy. I'm mid 50s, work full time with a long commute & go to the gym / classes twice a day! I also have friends of all ages.

HRT. The preventative health benefits are massive for the long term and will give you your moho back in the short term.

Agree with trying groups etc of any kind - netball etc after work one night, running, book club etc - I went out of my comfort zone & tried darts, turned out to be quite good at it! Fab bunch of ladies from 20s to 70s.

I'm 52 and have made a lot of friends in the last couple of years through a weekly yoga class and volunteering with a litter- picking group. Get out there 😊

Join the local lawn bowls club. They bowl indoors on the short carpet through the winter and have lots of extra events e.g mine has ladies nights, singer/disco etc, charity afternoon teas , game nights. All the clubs are desperate for new women who bowl and it’s an activity that will see you into old age. We have ladies bowling at 88 and some older who just enjoy the social side.

Likely no cost to join at this point in the season, and a discount next year for your initial year. Pm me if you need help to find your local club, but there are 800+ clubs in Scotland so they are probably not too far.

p.s. they are often not very modern and turning up in person can work better than online.

I only joined this year and now it’s a total instant community. It’s clear ,ots of people have been part of it for 20/30/40/50 years. It’s very inclusive

I would recommend HRT, a weekly exercise or yoga class and a book group. Even if you don’t make best friends you will feel better inside and out (and you may well hit it off with someone)

I feel your pain, OP. And I could cry at some of.the suggestions that are made to.women once they turn 50.

I love a bit of jam making, baking bread, gardening etc, and I like to read a book (currently persevering with Melmoth the Wanderer...) and do craft stuff but I like to do those on my own. What I really want to do is find female friends to go to gigs, festivals, camping, hiking and join a women's circle with; to find similarly aged fellow female musicians and start a band (I've always played with men but I don't want to anymore). I think I must just live in the wrong place! Well, i know I do. I have one friend who loves the same things I do but she lives a 4 hour drive away!

I know a few women who do these things but none are or have become friends. Or they still have children at home or elderly parents to care for or their own health is deteriorating. I've been in a similar boat with some old friends having started new relationships and dropping off the radar socially.

I'm early 50s. My children are both in their 20s. I work full time in a demanding professional career, which doesn't leave me a huge amount of time for socialising myself, and I've always volunteered - been a charity trustee, a school governor, run a children's music group, advocated for adults with autism and LD etc. I've also had different hobbies through the years. I've met some great people along the way through all of these and had some great fun but, again, none of them became close, lasting friends.

I love my Aqua Aerobics class. I've made some good friends there too.