I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous and I am aware that I probably need to grow a backbone, but I'm genuinely upset and don't know whether I'm being unreasonable.
I'm 37F and my sister, "Karen", is 41F. We're very different people. She's quite a big, loud woman and has always been very confident and outspoken. I'm small and quiet and tend to avoid confrontation. She says I'm "too sensitive", which is probably true.
I'm staying with her for a few weeks while some work is being done at my flat. I am very grateful because she has a spare room and I don't really want to stay in a hotel.
The problem is her hot water.
Karen is extremely careful with money. She has a combi boiler and apparently has worked out exactly how much a shower costs. When I arrived she told me that showers were limited to five minutes and that I should "think of the meter".
I honestly thought she was joking.
She wasn't.
There is now a little kitchen timer outside the bathroom. She says I'm supposed to set it before getting in the shower.
The first morning I was here I took about seven minutes because I'd washed my hair. She knocked on the door at five minutes and said, "That's your five."
I said, "Sorry, I've just got shampoo in my hair."
She said, "Well, you've had your warning."
I thought this was incredibly strange but didn't say anything.
She then told me I'd used 7p worth of hot water and asked me for 10p.
I laughed because I assumed she was joking.
She just looked at me and said, "It's not free."
I gave her the 10p.
Since then she's been keeping track. She has a notebook on the kitchen worktop with everyone's shower times written down. Mine says:
Monday – 6 mins – 12p
Tuesday – 4 mins – 8p
Wednesday – 8 mins – 16p
I asked why Wednesday was 16p and she said I'd "had the water running unnecessarily".
I honestly don't know how she knows this.
Yesterday I had a shower before work and she knocked after five minutes.
I said, "I'm nearly finished."
She said, "You're always nearly finished."
I got out.
Later she told me that she'd calculated I'd used an additional 11p of gas and that she thought it was "only fair" that I contributed £1 towards the week's hot water.
I gave it to her because I couldn't think of what else to do.
This morning I got up early because I thought I could have a shower before she woke up.
Apparently she has changed the boiler settings so that the hot water doesn't come on until 6.30am.
I turned the tap on at 6.15 and it was cold.
I texted her asking if there was something wrong with the boiler and she replied:
"No. It's 6.15. We've discussed this."
I hadn't realised we'd discussed it.
The really humiliating thing is that yesterday I went into town and bought a coffee. When I came home she said, "You can afford a £4.20 coffee but apparently you can't afford your share of the gas."
I said the coffee wasn't really relevant.
She said, "Everything's relevant when you're living in someone else's house."
I went upstairs and cried.
I know objectively that this sounds pathetic. We're talking about pennies. I can afford to pay for the water. It's not the money.
It's the fact that I feel like I'm being monitored constantly.
I now feel anxious every time I turn on a tap. I've started brushing my teeth with the bathroom door closed because I don't want her commenting on how long the water was running.
Last night she actually shouted upstairs:
"Are you having a bath?"
I wasn't. I'd dropped something in the sink.
I said no.
She said, "Good, because that's not happening."
I am beginning to dread being here. I don't want anyone to tell me to just leave because unfortunately it's not that simple and I don't have another option immediately available.
Karen says I'm being dramatic and that I'm "acting like she's withholding food".
She says I'm lucky she lets me stay here and that if I don't like her rules I can pay for a hotel. I do appreciate that it's her house. I really do.
But AIBU to think charging your sister 10p for a shower and keeping a notebook of her shower times is a bit excessive?