To be furious hospital have allowed DS to come home after overdose

Then you should know that for many parents talking about suicidal thoughts to suicidal, withdrawn young people is often nigh on impossible.

We went through this for about a year with my daughter at a similiar age. In and out of hospital, constant self-harm, suicide attempts etc. It's so so hard and i was desperate. It was an awful time. However, it did finally come to an end, we de-registered her from school, got everyone off our backs, focused on allowing her to be happy and safe, started horse riding...and before we knew it it had been a year since anything like that had happened. She is 18 now and very happy, and works with horses and is a very independent sensible young person. I know how desperate you feel. There are not any easy answers at all. But connection. Finding an interest, hobby etc, taking the pressure off school wise if needed etc. I hope everything works out for you all xx

Well I do because this is what we do at work.

Oh not EUPD for goodness sake,that is being banded about constantly- normally when professionals can’t be bothered to work out properly what’s wrong.

That’s laughable .Not all children can open up! It’s their job to work out why he did it and to help him articulate what’s wrong.That is what they’re paid for.

MH services are not fit for purpose as highlighted by the head of the independent review into MH. Do not start blaming the very people the broken system are letting down.

MH services are only going to detain someone in hospital if they feel there is a current & significant risk of completed suicide. It may be that they've been completely negligent but perhaps also worth looking up parasuicide, emotionally unstable personality incase it resonates

I honestly wouldn't wait for CAMHS, My experience of them through work has been shocked at how shit they are. To be honest, you are mainly on your own. You are the solution, I think you need to get as much money together as you can and get him private talking therapy.

Oh god read what Ive said properly. I did not say intense and Im not suggesting for one minute a parent would say 'why why why' to the patient, Im using that term to the OP to emphasise this is the curiosity needed.

Dear OP sending so much love to you and your family ❤️❤️❤️
My sister was very similar to your son at the same age and she is now 27, living in London, settled in a job, with a nice boyfriend and apart from a tendency towards low mood which she now knows how to manage, she has come out the other side unscathed. Don't give up hope!

My mother retired early to support her, but that was fortunate that she was able to and not many families have that option, but a poster above suggested taking a month and going away somewhere to disconnect externally and reconnect as a family and if you could swing something like that, it might be really good for all of you.

The weed smoking and his choice of friends are not ideal, but his internal life is far more dangerous to him at the moment so I don't blame you at all for wanting to tackle one thing at a time.

Are you and your DP able to do things for yourself too? A hobby or friends that you can maintain during this awful time. We're always told you can't pour from an empty cup, and you also can't help someone regulate if your own system is completely shot with stress and worry. Helping yourself is also helping your son, so as impossible as it surely feels, let him see you living life outside of him and around him as well as all the love and care you are providing.
No one wants to feel like a burden or a problem and as impossible as teens can be, they still love and value their parents and want their parents to be healthy, happy individuals.
Show him that life goes on and that ups and downs don't have to define every moment by letting yourself have some space for your interests too.
My mother used to have "sewing Sunday". No matter how shitty Lucy felt, on a Sunday for three hours, unless the house was on fire, no one could bother mum. It helped keep the perspective that she was a person, not just a carer and emotional punching bag!

Good luck OP. ❤️

Seriously you have no idea🙄

Hope you are all ok OP.

When my son did the same at the same age, they sent him home too. Bar a box ticking exercise of being spoken to by CAMHS/psychiatrist before he left, he was sent home with nothing, no prescription no leaflets no referrals and no plan.

We had to be the plan, and ive said it before I aged 10 years physically. Constant badgering of the MH services, involving local politicians to use their influence. Scraping money together for private apps and then he wouldn't go. Researching and reading and calling and joining support groups for anything that would get through to him.

Short term: remove anything dangerous, we locked up knives etc.
Dont tip toe around this. We went in and out of him room, brought tea or snacks, talking about how they were physically feeling.

I used to get him to go for a walk around midnight just to get him out of the house and regulate him. Sit on the end of the bed and talk, whatever topic it doesnt matter.

Set up appts, gp, counselling mental health services, whatever you can find.

Long term: find out what draws him to these kids

It can get better, mine regulated about 17, he is now in 3rd year of college and living a good life but it was a long road to get there.

We have had suicidal talk for over a yr. Now age 14.

CAMHs really need ‘sacking’. It just isnt working. They dont do anything. They dont even attempt to do anything.
Dc was suicidal referred and school were very concerned and SH and they would not accept! I mean wtf. My dc did want to see them /councilling etc. but no. Even school councilling has been over a year and nothing.

Op could he have sen, perhaps adhd as weed/alcohol but ALSO depression.

We’re on adhd meds and that maybe helping.

Has he had bloods done as some deficiencies can affect MH eg iron etc.?

This is very, very common. It’s terrifying when it’s your child, and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but what do you think the NHS can do when there will be thousands of children in your area presenting with similar issues? There is not the infrastructure or funding to admit or provide mental health services for every child in need, the system is broken. The article below shows the sheer scale of the problem. My advice would be to private and see a clinical psychologist if you possibly can to avoid waiting lists and get help quickly.

https://www.bma.org.uk/advice-and-support/nhs-delivery-and-workforce/pressures/children-and-young-people-s-mental-health-services-in-england

Oh God love him, the poor little lad.
I’m so sorry you’ve such a difficult path; this is not how a civilised society is supposed to operate.

There is no help. It’s really awful. My DC1 is autistic and at 8 years old on the way home from school ran straight into oncoming traffic and lay down because they wanted to be dead so all the noise that would bother them would stop.
We had many things like that happen. There were endless referrals made, and lots of admin for me to do, phone meetings. No help came in any real sense.

The service for at risk yp is very niche and might not have been considered if services don't know the full extent of what he's doing.

NVR is purely for the parents.

Diagnoses/ehc plans are again for the parents to action if not in place.

But if we are looking at getting him to "open up" I would try equine therspy. My daughter had various types of therapy over the years and the equine stuff was the least obviously therapy but was profoundly life changing after only a few sessions.

If you've got proper resources that advise your suggested intense questioning could you share them for the OP?

The question 'why?' is often utterly impossible for distressed people to answer and 'why, why, why' sounds a lot of pressure.

Parents can talk about what happened without intense questions.

But if you have resources I will of course defer.

Mental health service in his country are so bad.

my sibling tried to kill themselves, they were in a coma for 3 weeks, woke and spoke to the hospital mental health team who discharged him after a couple of days and they were then sent home for the community mental health team to support who were just useless.

surely the seriousness of his attempt should have had him sectioned to be able to help more, I’ll never understand it.

im hoping your teenager is better supported.

Poor him, and poor you. It sounds like a really tough situation all round.

It sounds like he’s using drugs and alcohol to self medicate. I suspect he’s very low and using them to perk himself up. Has he got any symptoms that would suggest ND? Has he had any known trauma or abuse?

I agree with no phones for now. But take a deep breath. He’s literally just got home from hospital, you won’t fix this overnight, nor can any other service. It takes time and willingness to get better, perhaps he’s not there yet. Perhaps he doesn’t feel able to disclose what’s really the root cause of this. Perhaps he doesn’t know.

Breathe. Give him time off school for now, forget the fines and call in sick for him. Take time off work - he needs you.

Watch films together. Ask him to come food shopping with you. Maybe start exploring new places together, even if it’s just a 20 mins drive to a new cafe, park, whatever. Fresh air, no pressure.

Does he like sports and being physical? Music? Arts? What’s his interests?

He needs you, even if he’s continuing to push you away. He’s hurting and I’m sure knowing you’re there will help eventually.

Can you afford counselling for him? Or coaching with an inspirational man? A role model?

It sounds as if OP has made approaches and referrals. Services cannot work with children who dont want the intervention, opening up and getting him to explain whats going on, gives them the best chance of getting the most likely approach for him.

Hi. So sorry to hear this.

Your local authority should have a service for at risk young people. The fact he's taking weed puts him into vehicle category. A lot of it is about preventing yp getting caught up in county lines, which could happen - if you are in England, look at your LA website under children's services or local offer.

Another idea would be for you to do a course in NVR - non violent resistance. Have a look on line to see if there is anything available.

As others have said, does he have any diagnoses, ehc plan? You might want to look at adhd for example.

Good luck x

When did this all start op? Was it from around the time he started secondary school? Is he neurodivergent? If he's not diagnosed with anything have a look into autism/adhd traits online.

The husband is not correct about this.

One of the biggest problems when this happens is that parents tip toe around in silence emotionally, not wanting to dig or pry or upset or investigate.

You need to be asking about suicidal intent and ideation (two separate things) and finding out more, why, why why.

This leaves a knowledge and attachment gap. The child doesnt need to have questions fired at him, but his parents should be the number one people who understand what is going on for him. Silence and lack of curiosity is not helpful.

Ok Einstein, tell OP how to stop that?

And no she cant lock him up.