To be furious hospital have allowed DS to come home after overdose

That’s awful. It’s a terrible situation to be stuck in.
I am not going to blame the weed, although it is dangerous for a fragile mind. It’s also highly addictive to those who have a fragile mind, it is a catch 22, the self medicating habit becomes addiction.
Science needs to find out which part of weed is helpful to an anxiety sufferers and turn into a regulated medication.
I don’t have practical advice. I hope he comes through this. He needs intensive counselling too.
Try not scream or shout, just tell him that you love him so much and you need him to fight for his life.

Well exactly this, Ive been and still am when necessary, very critical of CAMHS but they are a MH service, for diagnosable and treatable conditions. Much of what YP present with is not that. They cant force a client to engage with them. They cant sit there in silence when a YP wont talk

And then theres criticism of them when they ask the client why they've taken an overdose! Thats part of their assessment, even if the YP doesnt know why or wont say or cant say. Can you imagine an assessment where they said 'well I didnt bother to ask the patient why they did it'.

I agree with this.
Removing the phone is the right thing to do; I wouldn’t be letting him out with the friends either. I think it would be wise to pay for some private treatment whatever that may cost. Whatever you think may help. I think you’re in a situation where help will take a long time to come and it needs to be now.
best of luck to you xx

Words fail me!

Of course he has got a mental health condition- he is clearly struggling with suicidal idealisation, he is engaging in self harm and has now had an overdose. People with ADHD are known to be at higher risk due to impulsivity and risky behaviours particularly when not medicalised.

Who has decided ND kids (who are actually more likely to struggle from severe MH struggles )don’t get treatment? Untreated treatable MH conditions turn into difficult to treat and very expensive for the NHS MH conditions. The dire not fit for purpose CAMHs leads to a bottle neck in adult services.

I would get a parental control app like the paid for version of Qustodio, put that on the phone and let him have it back. Then you can monitor online activity but he gets the comfort/ security of still having his phone.

Has he had any nutritional testing? Is vit D optimum? (200nmol/L)? Ferritin at least 100 and transferrin saturation at least 20%? B12 500 or more and folate high teens? Any of those being low can have an effect. I'd make sure he's taking a basic multivitamin. This may not help in your case, but 2 x members of my family stopped being suicidal after supplementing creatine, a common gymn supplement and there is research evidence for this effect.

I'm sorry it's so tough.

OP you can’t stop someone who self harms from accessing sharp things. They make sharp things if you hide all the sharp things.

Dont beat yourself up about that.

How does he have money for weed? Could it be county lines? Could he be in some drug debt? Whatever it is, I would deregister him from school and move (preferably permanently but at least in the short term).

You need to ask your local authority for targeted support, there should be a team for harm outside the home and screening for online risks too. They will help you make a safety plan, support you with strategies and make onwards referrals for you

So sorry OP.

OP can you move? I would let your house out and rent somewhere else in the short term just to get him away from these kids, the school and all the things that make him suicidal. It's very possible he's in some kind of drug debt that you don't know about and absolutely terrified. Just take him and get away. I think no mental health service will help if you stay around these people and he continues at the same school. Deregister him from school and give him a bit of a break. Nothing is worse than what he tried to do, so for now school shouldn't matter.

Sorry this has happened OP. Reading though all of the posts, I’m wondering what support would look like? There’s a lot of criticism of CAMHS and I’m wondering what it is parents are wanting them to do. There’s no magic wand that will enable children to engage, stop self-harming etc. Genuinely and out of interest - what would you want from CAMHS?

The issue is that this is not really a mental health issue from the sounds of it. CAHMS are set up to help with clinical depression, bipolar, etc. Not to help young people who are struggling with life events because of neuro diversity.

He will probably be wearing a hoodie all the time as a comfort. This is very common. Young people are more likely to talk if they don't have to look at you while they talk. Being in the car is a good time to talk. There may be things going off that you don't know about. Or he may feel very sad but has no idea why. So try and not ask him why is he feeling the way he is.

Try and come across as calm. Is there music he likes he could listen to, or does he like drawing? Often creative outlets can help young people explore their feelings.

It's hard, but I would try and say that weed is a depressant and will be making him feel worse. Be aware for some people the ritual of skinning up for example, can itself be a comfort. And if it is maybe he could skin up as it were with tobacco.

It's important to know if he really did want to kill himself, or just wanted a break from how he was feeling. If it's the latter it's more self harm than suicide, although it can still be very dangerous.

Selfharm.co.uk charity run a free online course for young people who self harm that may help. There is lots of advice online for parents of children who self harm.

Be aware as well that he may be struggling with issues around sexual orientation or gender identity. I am struck by the fact he finished with his girlfriend a few months ago and no longer really sees his old friends.

100% this! The CAMHS worker asking why actually had me shaking my head!

OP my heart breaks for your son and you . What you describe is very common with severe ADHD and demand avoidance but it doesnt sound like you are making the link here. I'm going to ramble a few things off here and you need to take action and FAST. The cutting is severe emotional pain - they cut to release themselves of the emotional pain and they cannot verbalise it. His school attendance and avoidance also speaks of one of or a couple of things combined : could be bullying at school or social media and you are unaware. Could be severe learning difficulties and feeling like a,failure which at 14 they realise and it starts to manifest . Get a meeting with school ASAP to apply gor an EHCP and an immediate course with the pastoral team or ELSA (THEY will know what that is and you insist on it ). Ask what his attainment is at school ad he sounds behind but not disruptive in class so its a big miss and EHCPs are often overlooked. I am not so sure you know about these so am going to assume you do but if you dont get CHATGPT to explain it all to you and fast. Copy my message in. Ring CHAMS and insist on an immediate referral for therapy. Get your GP to do an immediate referral. Speak to or write your son a letter to please engage and talk to someone. Plead if u have to. Personally id move hom to a new school almost immediately but get his current attainment snd records from current school ASAP so you can apply for EHCP. I dont know your family set up but the 3rd trigger after learning issues, feeling inferior and bullying is of course abuse (sexual, physical, mental etc) is there any possibility of this ? Is it possible your break up and him not seeing his dad (although sounds like a long time ago) has had any impact on him? This poor kid is crying out for help and you have done LOADS but you need to step up your game NOW and take control. Tell him whatever is going on you are taking the lead in sorting it. You love him. Nothing he has been involved in or feeling is too big an issue to solve and you WILL fight for him . This could have been my son..... very similar profile but I intervened quickly and early and if I didnt I would definitely be where you are now. Adhd kids have it very hard and at this age they cannot explain why they are angry or feel inferior and they gravitate towards anyone that will make them feel they belong. Plse see this as a wake up call. Pay privately if you can for therapy - a child psychiatrist and even an educational psychologist if school says SEND and attainment low. If this is a severe issue and anxiety causing then home schooling might jeed to ne looked at but you have a lot to do before then. Plse dont be passive here as no one is going to advocate for your kid like u can. He has gcse coming up in a year and the pressure could be even worse for him then. The Weed is also a big psychotic and /or depression inducing substance and some kids will spiral quickly as a result. Please keep in touch and let us know how u get on. So much strongs and hugs to u both xx

op I just want to say how sorry I am that you are all going through this. It very much mirrors our experience with our now adult son who smoked a lot of weed from 14 onwards. He’s 26 now and alcoholic and has had multiple suicide attempts. It pushes you to breaking point. I wish I had wisdom but we are still in the weeds. I am so sorry.

I think CAMHS are pretty powerless. The best thing they did for us was provide a social worker, sounds scary but she was very good at talking to DS and supplied us with good advice and connections. Secondly, if you can afford it, get him a private psychiatrist, it’s quicker and they can prescribe if needed. Sending love.

We were told that the LA did not have to provide alternative provisions. Also tried asking GP for Melatonin - can only be prescribed by a paediatrician but she did off the record tell me where to buy it from, I did so and it helped a lot. I guess things are different in different areas of the country but I’m very well versed in the struggle we’ve endured here in the NW

I’m sorry, I don’t agree. The drugs and alcohol situation is out of hand for this 14 year old boy. A lot can be going on behind the scenes here. Taking his phone away is safeguarding him from his peers who are complicit and detrimental to him.

we have been in a different but similar situation.

ask the LA what alternative provisions they have in light of your sons serious situation. Pressure the school to provide the alternative provision. Explain it’s life or death.

next time he's in hospital refuse to take him home unless his been seen by a psychiatrist and given fluoxetine or similar. We also had melatonin for sleep prescribed. This was a game changer for us.

Positive Male role models needed. Get him involved in sports or other physical activities like gardening or car cleaning. Also footy, cycling, running, judo, indoor climbing, sailing,

what are his strengths and loves? What brings him joy?

start looking at future opportunities and whats needed to move on from school. A level 2 apprenticeship in plumbing or other trade so he has income, newfound skills, can be part of a team.

most of all make him feel well loved and cared for

Just to add, I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and your DS. It is honestly like screaming into the void. You are doing everything exactly right, your instinct to protect and help him is absolutely right. It is disgusting that there is such a poor system to fight over and over when a child really needs help. I wish you the best of luck and sending a big hug

Sorry for what he and you are going through OP . I'm sorry to say that there really Is no help or support and it's best to accept this now.

It's very distressing to watch your child in so much pain but don't waste time expecting that help and support is coming because it isn't. I know this all too well , I am the only support for my son who has suffered from poor MH since his teens , he's now 50 .

MH services in this country are almost non existent and basically it's left up to the family .

Your fear and anxiety will not be helping him to open up to you which is something he really needs to do .

Give him a little time , create a calm supportive atmosphere in the house and encourage him to talk when he's ready .

Depriving your DS of his phone seems counterproductive. Punishment will only aggravate the situation. Talk to him, empathize with him, support him.

My DD is 14. Self harming for several years due to extreme trauma from bullying, kids told her to kill herself every day throughout year 7, trauma from her father I didn’t find out about until years later. Autism with PDA. Hysterical meltdowns and physically attacking me from age 7. CAHMS multiple appointments, multiple school meetings, multiple GP appointments, multiple useless therapy sessions, overdose. Constant threats about fines and being taken to court from school ongoing for the last 3 years, even when changed to new school. After one CAHMS appointment they recorded that I had exacerbated her poor mental health by day in day out trying to get her into school while I was under constant threat of fines and social services involvement, which I actually ended up calling and begging for! We were eventually given a family support worker who was utterly useless too! DD very clearly depressed and anxiety out of any control.
The one thing that finally helped was that our GP said that she would write to CAHMS herself offering to medicate DD under her supervision - which she has done before and she also used to work for CAHMS years ago. They accepted. 5 months down the line taking antidepressants she is a different child. It is so unbelievably hard to get them real help or medication at this age. But post 16 they’re happy to prescribe!

I'm so sorry this is happening. We are in exactly the same situation. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

I am so sorry you’re going through this.
we have had similar discharge and then no follow-up with a suicidal family member but they are over-18. I presumed children would receive better care,

the NHS squanders money on pointless management consultancy firms and middle management. There’s nothing left to properly train and pay the hard-working frontline staff