Am I unreasonable to resent my husband's work from home desk taking space?

You don't need a big desk for two monitors, my DH has two and works on a really small desk. You can also get foldaway monitors like this https://amzn.eu/d/03m3xOPZ

I would put him in the main bedroom and get a decent hideaway set up or bureau so he can pack it away at the end of the day.

Pot the desk in your room, kids each have their own. Living room does not become an office.
Unless you’re the type who spends hours in the daytime in your bedroom that will be the best solution. You’ll just need to keep the bedroom(or what is visible to his colleagues on Teams calls) tidy.

This Kids of that age tend to play in the living room. It would be really weird for a 1 year old to be off playing in a room on their own

Another poster mentioned putting the girls in the master bedroom, I actually think this is a great idea, I know you say they fit comfortably in the oldest bedroom but if you put both of them and toys and their furniture into the master this frees up the smallest room for an office and you use eldest room. You can re jig things later on if needed.

Surely that rules out putting the desk in the playroom? Kids can’t play until he has finished work. Your bedroom sounds the best place

Yeah it’s a bit sh*t but he’s got a job and he can be around more for pick ups and stuff. So yes, he needs one of the spare rooms and either the kids share or the 1 year old goes in with you.
No way can he be in the lounge/dining room and it’ll drive him nuts to spend all the time in the bedroom.
It is what it is, life is messy, put the play things in the lounge. Make that the play room.
It doesn’t matter what it looks like as long as it’s functional.

I’ve given up the bedroom for OH office, our bedroom is now the lounge, he also has a private rented office he can go to (but it isn’t used all the time because it doesn’t make sense due to work hours/calls).

I love my OH, I want him to be happy more than I want an instagram house or space for play dates (which most of the time can happen in the garden or elsewhere). And it’s loads better for the kids he is around more at home than being at the office to look tidy.

Having a parent wfh is extremely useful, even though you still need childcare. It just adds to your flexibility.

the key is setting him up away from daily life. DH and I both have dual monitor setups and need privacy. We both have private home offices, but that is because we specifically bought a house we could both wfh long before it became ubiquitous.

It’s actually surprisingly easy to “turn off” if you set up your workspace properly. Since I have a separate office, I just close the door. My work recommends people who don’t turn the laptop off and put it physically away at the end of the day. Literally shutting off can help.

dh is horrible about boundaries but our child is 17 so I don’t really care anymore.

My husband wfh and needs a big desk, I also use it evenings and weekends for crafts and freelancing work, but it's in our bedroom as it's a big room and we only sleep in there these days with a kiddo. The other rooms need to be maximised for living spaces, so desk goes in room that during the day will be least used, ie master bedroom.

I would put the desk in the big room and have that as your bedroom and the kids get the other two rooms

Has he looked into renting a private office space? So its solely his. We

Cant imagine the mornings or afters afterschool and holidays will be much fun
And as PP said, hes going to end up spending up to 15hrs a day in there.

My DP and I both work from home quite often and he likes a lot of STUFF. Massive pain!
One thing that really helped was a couple of slimline portable screens from Amazon (£60 each I think) that meant we could dispose of the massive full computer monitors with their big stands and wires, and just use the two screens which could be slipped into cases (like big kindles) and put on a bookshelf at the end of the day/week.
Also, I got him a wireless mouse and smaller than traditional wireless keyboard.

If your DP has a desk then maybe the stuff that goes with it is less of an issue really, but we're at the dining table so space was premium for us!
We ate dinner on the sofa for a couple of months and then I realised it was a bonkers set up and we needed to adapt. Good luck OP!

When I had this setup, ex and I had our desks in our bedroom, the kids shared a bedroom, and had a play room.

3 years between, rather than 4, but they shared from the youngest being 1, and it worked really well - eldest basically trained the youngest to go to sleep, not to make a fuss in the morning etc.

Then the consoles, and later computers went in the play room, which meant there was no issue with devices in their bedroom.

They finally went into separate rooms when eldest had been in secondary a year, and we realised he needed a bit more quiet to do his homework - but by then good habits around devices were already embedded in both of them, so having the computer in their room (turned off at bedtime) wasn't an issue.

The thing about having the desk in your bedroom is that he will be working and sleeping in there, so he’ll spend up to 15 hours in one room and it’ll be harder to shut the door and turn off. But the living room makes that difficult too and you won’t be able to use it when he’s working. I think it’s better to reframe the issue as that now his work has changed your plans for your space need to change and things need moving around, rather than it being about his desk or work, because things will get stressful if you start to resent his job or him WFH

I agree

Does he definitely need two monitors? I WFH full time and until recently I was using two monitors but I wanted to make more space on my desk so I got one larger monitor instead. I've managed fine with that (plus the laptop screen) and it's given me lots more space.

Would putting both girls in the biggest room, you in second room, office in smallest room not work? Sorry but I think you're being quite unreasonable, there are lots of advantages to working from home like being able to do school runs as you have pointed out. Do you work?

Yes, it's unreasonable to complain now. If you didn't want him to wfh (which as you say, means he can do more childcare) you should have said you didn't want him applying for this type of post.
Does your job also involve this, or might it in the future? If so, you both really need to plan, but it's very unfair of you to resent him now; I have to have workstuff in the house sometimes and would get annoyed if my husband moaned, because I'd explained to him it was needed.

I WFH 100% of the time, I have two screens but dont have a big desk. Its definitely smaller than a desk in an office.
If this is a mostly permanent set up, I wouldn't have it in the bedroom. Its not conducive to a good working environment, he'll never feel like he can switch off, and will feel intrusive. Put it in the playroom and divide the area off, kids play in lounge when he's working.

Surely the children are either with you during the day in the lounge or kitchen, with the baby napping in the bedroom. Can't he use the extra bedroom for now? A one year old won't be using their bedroom for anything other than to sleep for some time to come. Am I missing something?

Who are you responding to? Can you use the quote function..

DH works from home 4 days a week. His work setup is in our bedroom. It's not ideal and one of the many, many reasons we need to move but it's definitely the least intrusive place in the house for it to be.

I would definitely put his desk in your bedroom if there is space. Living room is no good because then you and the kids can never be in there when your DH is working and he’ll be super distracted by you all eg when the kids come from school and nursery. kids the age of yours struggle with the idea that Dad is there but not available to them. Much better if he’s in a superset room they don’t spend much time in and can shut the door. The 5 year old could even make a big red “daddy is working so not disturb” sign.

Also, it will be impossible for him to relax in the evenings if his work set up is right there in front of him all the time. And if he needs to work after the kids are in bed, that will be easier in your room - otherwise you can’t watch tv or whatever in the lounge.

My DH works from home 3 days a week. He often heads out to work in a local cafe on his laptop between 4-6pm, so he can keep focussing on work, rather than being home but not available to the kids.

one million percent it goes in your bedroom. Don’t let one of the kids rooms default to an office!!