AIBU to think there is mutual attraction with a married friend?

a mixture of not knowing if im being delusional and if im not and they felt it there is a professional boundary in place for them so a no go really. They looked I looked we both looked for a good 5-8 seconds and I looked away because im shy but it was enough to trigger a little crush, they then was a little extra helpful, very nice person but younger than me and out of my league so there’s that.

Walk away now you’re risking the safety of your family. Nothing good will come of this. You may have already developed feelings for each other attraction like this is rarely one sided.
The question you need to ask yourself is how does this end?
Then work back from there.

Of course it's not "deeper" than attraction.

It’s not surprising you’re attracted to another man when your husband is being such a pig. Perhaps you should tell your husband that the way his snoring is affecting you is making you unwell from lack of sleep, and his refusal to do anything about it and see his GP is a total turnoff and threatening your relationship.

Yes you can, and should, step back.

Right, you see those two sticks of dynamite in front of you? If you act on these little fanny flitters, you are basically sticking those dynamites up the backsides of two families.
Put him in the wank bank as they call it and move on.

You haven't posted it to see if anyones been in a similar situation. 7 billion people on the planet. Yes someone has fancied someone when married.

You've posted it to seek validation and permittance.

"It’s pretty difficult to ignore a feeling. It came out of nowhere at a social occasion we were at with our families"

You aren't trying very hard. Even posting on here is trashy immature behaviour.

I obviously know his kids well which is what would stop me pursuing anything with him beyond friendship.
That together with how frequently you have said you aren’t likely to take it further in some way, rather than you definitely won’t, makes me think you are half way out of the door. Well those and how unsatisfying your marriage has become.

if your marriage has run its course, then end it as painlessly as possible. THen you will be able to start again. But maybe with someone who isn’t your husband’s friend and whose kids aren’t friends with yours. That will always be added misery

It's the female version of "my wife doesn't understand me...."

It’s “the script”

People seem to not have read OPs posts which seem to detail someone with an unhappy marriage and a selfish husband.
While obviously cheating isn't the answer all the comments going don't blow up a happy marriage etc are not that relevant.
If however you potentially want to be with this man or he's just a wake up call that you are deeply unhappy then do the right thing and separate from your husband before considering embarking on another relationship.
If you have real feelings for this other man embarking on an affair is not a good, positive way to start out. And whilst you might be unhappy he might just be looking for a quick thrill.
Consider your relationship with your husband first and foremost.
But someone who doesn't even listen to you talk or walks off in the middle of conversations is not a good partner.

Wether it's mutual or just in your head is irrelevant. You know how you feel and it's down to you to back all the way off regardless of the difficult questions. Have some respect for your husband and the other guys wife and just make your excuses.

I’m not sure the reason you don’t leave your DH tbh. If he doesn’t care about working on whatever’s bothering you then he doesn’t care about you. How does it benefit your DC to see you in that relationship dynamic? Just leave. Or ask him he’d be willing to go to counselling, and if he says no then leave.

I agree with this, I once met a man at my gym and we spent quite a few Friday early evenings having long chats. Then I said to myself what’s the point of this, I’m happily married, it’s pretty obvious me and sauna man fancy each other so I switched my routine to go at different times on different days of the week and that was that.
The OP is making it all seem as if it’s out of her control and some force is propelling her to see the guy and lock eyes with him. It’s all boloney, avoid him and arrange some fun stuff with your DH or divorce him if you fancy a change.

Exactly. ‘The One’ is a myth. At some point most of us will encounter someone else we could have built a happy life with, had we not already been with our spouse. I’ve certainly met a couple down the years. One was a colleague, and it was fairly obviously mutual, but as we’re were both happily married and wanted to remain that way, we just never said or did anything about it, and over time it faded away to being a normal friendship.

Not a big deal, unless you actually want to explode your life, your marriage, your children’s lives, and ditto for the other person. It happens to many, if not most. And it’s perfectly possible to sit with uncomfortable/uncertain feelings without acting on them.

Feelings come and go, you’ll likely come across a few people over your lifetime that you’ll have a mutual attraction to. It’s not that special and not worth throwing away anything over.

So being married yourself wouldn’t stop you? What about how close friends he is with your DH yet you seem to imply he’s sniffing around you? Doesn’t sound like a great guy to me!

You obviously want this to be more.

You're obviously not that into your husband to be daydreaming to this level.
Often familiarity kills desire.

Let's be real: If not this man, somebody else.

There's no point moralising about it.

Just wait until a man who is single comes along who takes your fancy - it will happen, as there will be less damage.

I'm assuming you're not one of those people who is in a marriage of convenience where affairs happen discreetly.

This is excellent advice.
I’ve been you OP, about a year and a half ago. It started out as a fun crush. It snowballed into full on obsession and I hated myself for it and every minute of it. Eventually, when the thing that was making me sad (illness of close family member) came to it’s sad conclusion, the obsession began to fade. I now see him for what he is: a guy I find attractive, but not the great Love of My Life who if only I had met years ago everything would be perfect…
In a weird way the whole experience made me put more effort into my marriage, which is in a really good place at the moment after hitting a few bumps during the toddler/baby years, as marriages often do.

I've read all the posts and have been in your position, I was further down the line than you are and wanted to split from my husband because he didn't give a damn about me and our 3 year old daughter. He drank and snored, lied, threatened me and once spent all our money (£1K) on drink behind my back - that was the last straw. I then had to sit and think whether I was going to sacrifice mine and DD's happiness for the rest of time just to keep the wheels from falling off - the answer was no. I didn't have a plan, I was deeply unhappy and felt trapped with no way out. I never looked at the financials, I hoped he would get knocked off at work and he'd be gone forever. It sounds drastic but that's how I measured how I felt about him and our lives. Once I was honest with myself I was able to move forward.

There was no-one else involved.

A few months later I met someone - he had such an impact on me, not dissimilar to the effects you're describing and I raised the issue with him - he felt the same - we both left our other halves and we've been together ever since - 17 years. There was no 'affair' as such, just a lot of talking and so many similarities it was uncanny. Both our other halves were also very similar in their behaviours.

I can't advise you one way or the other, I just thought I'd let you know there is another side to misery if that's what your relationship is feeling like xx

Your hormones are telling you- this is rare, and ‘real’- that maybe this is truly the right person for you and if only you’d met years ago how amazing life could have been! It’s all a lie, OP! We ALL have this feeling (or almost all, I’m sure some people don’t even entertain it), not just ‘oh he’s cute’, but the shared glances and shared humour and deep feeling of connection with someone who is not your partner. We are human, it’s completely normal. No shame or guilt. But most people in happy marriages, or even ok marriages- do not act on it, because they know it would wreck lives, and honestly that intense ‘this is literally what true love is’ feeling is not actually real- it’s your biological drive’s only way of conjuring up a situation that might will make you do something that is otherwise so socially unacceptable. If you were single, and he was single- well ok yes this early infatuation could lead to something- but honestly it equally likely wouldn’t. The feelings in this early stage, before anything physical has happened, are so intense and feel so real- but that bubble is often popped in a terrifying instant down the line.

When you talk about your husband’s annoying snoring, I’m sure you imagine - this man would never be so inconsiderate! But he will no doubt do all sorts of things that irritate his partner- you’re just seeing the social, flirty, put-together side of him that is allowing you to indulge this fantasy.

Enjoy the connection for what it is, but join the rest of the adults in the room who have been there, and don’t act on it!!

If you are attracted to this man and not happy with your husband, then you are playing with fire by maintaining contact. You absolutely could back off more, you don’t want to.

I understand this as had a similar situation when I was married to my first husband (that I didn’t act on, but it was the catalyst to make me realise how unhappy I was at home if I was contemplating relationships with other people).

The fact is if you’re happy at home, you’re not thinking about other people. Fancying yes, but not what you’re describing.

The fact that you’re more concerned with whether or not this bloke fancies you back than you seem to be about your marriage is telling. Focus on that first.

The posts are saying an affair will impact on their children's lives, not ending the marriage. Affairs involve deceit and complicity in dishonesty which seeps into the dynamics of family life. It has a huge impact on children when they realise a parent lied to their other parent, lied to create time and opportunities away from the family to carry on the affair, socialised with an affair partner with 'their' secret. Making fools of everyone. Then seeing the hurt and chaos of separation as a consequence. This really does have huge impacts on children. This is her husband's friend who she will be seeing socially in a group. How does that make people feel when they find out. How much bitterness and hurt is that brining into the family, children included.
Completely different to their parents sitting down and telling them their relationship isn't making them happy and they are separating. Children can deal with that OK.

Are you sure you’re pretty good at self control? ‘You can’t ignore feelings’ well yes you can actually. I think mutually agreeing you’re attracted to each other is a recipe for disaster, unless you do actually want to blow up your marriage.

Is that first paragraph you quoting some poem I should know, or did you just write it. It's the best summary of this very common situation I have seen written.