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Original poster

AIBU to worry about a behaviour meeting in reception?

16 replies

OhGodThisIsMortifying · 21/09/2026 12:49

My DD has just started reception. Her school does a week of two hour sessions, then her first full week last week.

We've had very little feedback from school. Her teacher has been off since the start, so they've had cover in, which might explain it, or it might just be that they don't offer much. She's come home with stickers a few times and has seemed happy enough.

At the end of last week, just after I'd collected her, the school rang to say she'd been kept in over lunch play for pushing. They wouldn't give me any detail but asked us to talk to her about sharing and not pushing, which I did over the weekend. DD is adamant she didn't push anyone.

She was very reluctant to go in at drop-off today. One of the cover teachers asked her if it was because she'd lost his lunch play, and she said she'd done it on purpose because she was worried she'd have nobody to play with. The teacher then told me she'd been quite on edge that afternoon. I said she's usually very physical and needs to be moving, and probably found it harder to regulate with no time outside at all, but hadn't complained much at home and may have just been tired, too.

I've now been asked in to meet the head to "discuss the behaviour policy".
AIBU to feel antsy about this? She's my first at school, so I've no benchmark. I do believe them and I trust them with her. But I'm surprised they withdrew a four-year-old's lunch play in her first full week, and I'm not sure what I'm walking into.
Any advice on how to handle the meeting?

OP posts:
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pinkdyno · 21/09/2026 21:10

I agree with others, far to harsh.

But can you clarify,

she said she hadn’t pushed anyone, to you?

she said she had done it on purpose, because she was worried she would have nobody to play with?

so did she, he. Accept to teacher they had pushed someone? But also lie to you about it at weekend?

I would go to meeting with open mind, but remember age, and do lots of work around always telling the truth to mummy and or daddy. The not telling me would be the most worrying thing for me

Sdevo · 21/09/2026 17:43

I have similar aged children and would not be at all happy about this punishment (and the situation with the cover teachers so early in the first term of reception). The school owes you answers, not the other way round.

Annoyedbyhusband · 21/09/2026 17:25

Sometimes they take them out of playtime mainly just to de escalate the situation and separate the two children, it might be framed as a punishment but is probably just a practical solution while they work out what’s actually going on.

Freshrain · 21/09/2026 17:18

I'd also want to know what the plan is with cover teachers. Having no permanent teacher in the first term of Reception is a worry.

Not ideal, but what is the school supposed to do if a teacher gets a serious diagnosis just as term is beginning ? I sounds as if they have actually managed to get a permanent supply (or I presume OP would have said 'different teachers every day'), which is great. It sounds like the school made a plan and are implementing it.

Mumtotornadoes · 21/09/2026 17:18

I'd literally be looking for a new school and putting my foot down very firmly. Removing play time as a punishment for a 4 year old two weeks into starting school is an utter fucking joke. Especially when they don't even have a consistent teacher provided.

Quokkafeet · 21/09/2026 17:15

This does seem heavy handed so I would want to know exactly what happened - who did she push, were they hurt?

You say she is adamant she didn't push but also that she did something on purpose? I wouldn't question DD any further, I would now go into the meeting and establish the facts of the incident and whether the incident has been dealt with in accordance with the policy.

I am not a fan of a primary school behaviour policy that gives removal of lunch break as a consequence. For any age group, let alone reception!

Freshrain · 21/09/2026 17:14

MojoMoon · 21/09/2026 12:54

You are not walking into a trap.

Given there are cover teachers, the head is likely stepping in to be more hands on with parents than normally would be the case.
She'll want to talk about how your child is doing, what she has said about school so far, how they can support her settling in.

Just go in with an open mind. They aren't about to expel your daughter or tell you she will fail school and in life.

The head is just stepping in given the disruption to the reception start. She may well be keen to win parents over - she will know this is not an ideal start for reception too! So she may be trying to talk to lots of parents to ensure they understand the school is trying its best despite the issues with the teacher being absent and to head off any complaints and whining.

This

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/09/2026 17:14

Bonkers to keep a 4 yo in for a whole playtime whatever the reason.

Especially if they’re supposed to give reasons and didn’t.

Id also want to discuss why she feared she’d have no one to play with so early on.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 17:10

What did DD do on purpose because she was worried about not having anyone to play with?

justrelaxandsleep · 21/09/2026 17:09

I think keeping a four year old in over lunch for pushing is completely overboard especially given this was her first full week. I would want to discuss this in the meeting.

maggisimpson · 21/09/2026 17:05

I'd be ready to ask them then, did she get three warnings before losing lunch?
Is it usual at the school for 4 year olds in their first full week to be punished that way?

Original poster
OhGodThisIsMortifying · 21/09/2026 14:21

They are hoping the teacher will be back "in some form" before Christmas...

Is that in their behaviour policy? I'd read the policy before the meeting to find out.

Behaviour policy says that there are three warnings, and then missing lunchtime is a possible consequence. The supply teacher didn't mention giving any warnings, just said there had been two incidents of pushing, one before lunch and one again after lunch, so the consequence hadn't worked. DD is adamant she didn't push, but even if she did, missing lunch seems a big consequence.

I'm hoping it's reassurance! I'd interpreted it as them wanting to defend it, and while I don't want to make a fuss, I really disagree with it as a method in these circumstances.

OP posts:
FayeLP · 21/09/2026 13:17

In my experience, consequences in early days of Reception would be a short time out from the class or missing a few mins of play time at most. As others have said, it is possible the Head wants to reassure you that your daughter was given a consequence that wouldn’t usually be used.

maggisimpson · 21/09/2026 13:09

Maybe the Head wants to apologise to you for a cover teacher misapplying the behaviour policy with an inappropriate punishment for a 4 year old?

maggisimpson · 21/09/2026 13:07

I would tell the Head that removing play time as a punishment for a 4 year old is completely unacceptable. Is that in their behaviour policy? I'd read the policy before the meeting to find out.

I'd also want to know what the plan is with cover teachers. Having no permanent teacher in the first term of Reception is a worry.

MojoMoon · 21/09/2026 12:54

You are not walking into a trap.

Given there are cover teachers, the head is likely stepping in to be more hands on with parents than normally would be the case.
She'll want to talk about how your child is doing, what she has said about school so far, how they can support her settling in.

Just go in with an open mind. They aren't about to expel your daughter or tell you she will fail school and in life.

The head is just stepping in given the disruption to the reception start. She may well be keen to win parents over - she will know this is not an ideal start for reception too! So she may be trying to talk to lots of parents to ensure they understand the school is trying its best despite the issues with the teacher being absent and to head off any complaints and whining.

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