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AIBU?

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AIBU to think this reaction from a friend is bonkers? (and also insensitive)

427 replies

ChasingMars · 21/09/2026 10:35

Backstory, I have a close friend, let's call her Abbie Scott for ease. We exchange WhatsApps daily, general chatter, have a great day etc. DH also kniws her well, they got on brilliantly, to the extent we are all planning a big holiday together next year.

Saturday morning DH has my phone as he's using it to post stuff on Vinted. Message comes through from Abbie, good morning, happy weekend etc. DH replies with 'good morning Scottseroonie' or similar daft appropriation of her surname.

I follow up with 'sorry that was DH' laughing faces and then a typical reply and mention that today is rough as I'm taking the youngest to uni. We have talked about this at length over the last few months and she knows I have been really struggling with the idea of an empty nest and has expressed sympathy.

I don't get a reply for 6 hours, a reply then comes through just as I have got in the car after dropping DS off, so accept I was pretty emotional, but I was genuinely stunned by this reaction...

'Not funny. Please do not use my surname in this way. It landed badly ChasingMars'

A few minutes later another message saying..

'I hope DS got there ok and settling in'.

Which felt like an afterthought.

I replied with an apology and said DS was fine but I was struggling.

No replyintil the following day when she sent 'I hope today is a better day for you'.

AIBU to think this is both a bizarre reaction and completely insensitive timing??? And that I should expect better from a really close friend when I'm going through something really tough for me?

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 21/09/2026 10:40

Maybe she had a bad experience with the surname, such as it being used by bullies, or a relative who goes by that name she doesn’t like. Whatever the reason she was firm, clear she doesn’t like it, and maybe needed a bit of time to reset. It’s unfortunate timing that your husband was the one to pick up the phone then. You’d be a bit unreasonable to hold it against her - and I think it’s best to just move on.

Smartiepants79 · 21/09/2026 10:39

How weird. Is her surname an unusual one or one that is open to people saying stupid things? Is there a possibility of her having been teased or bullied through it at some point.
One the face of a very strange and extreme reaction from such a close friend. Don’t let DH reply to your messages again! 🫤 If you feel the need maybe get him to message her himself and apologise.

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