AIBU to feel unsure about dating men my own age?

SaraHoliday · 21/09/2026 11:23

EagerGreenEagle · 21/09/2026 10:33

NC as may be outing, posting here for traffic.

I came out of a 12 year relationship about 2 years ago, and also had surgery to deal with adenomyosis. I’m now feeling ready to date.

I work in a female dominated industry, my hobbies are overrun with interesting women and most of my friends are still in the primary school years, or tied up with caring for parents, so not many opportunities to meet a man organically. I’ve signed up to an app, which I have mixed feelings about. But the thing that’s bothering me is I’m just not attracted to men my own age (49). For context, there was a 14 year age gap between my previous partner and me, but before him I’d never dated anyone younger, in fact mainly older. I always knew I couldnt have children and now definitely can’t, so I’m not looking to settle down necessarily, but I’m not only interested in hooking up either. I don’t know if this is just a natural thing - of course younger men are more attractive - or if I’m just not over my ex or ready to date. Also why the are all these young guys liking my pictures, I’m average looking, is it some type of scam or sex bingo thing? This is what I hate about apps.

I know some will have opinions about the age gap between me and my ex, but I’m immune to judgement about it after all these years. Not totally sure what I’m looking for from the thread but interested in other people’s dating and age gap experiences I suppose.

I think if you've decided to go on a dating app, you're just going to have to try it and see if it works out for you.

I work with someone who is on virtually every dating app and she has some stories to tell! 😬 She says the majority of people aren't the age they have stated and have used an extremely flattering photo of themself. She's in her late 20s and met a man for dinner that was supposedly 35. She said he walked in with white hair and a white fluffy beard (and no it wasn't Santa!). Even when she asked him his age again, he insisted he was 35. To quote her: "he was 35, 30 years ago!". She still had dinner with him though! 😂

I've considered it and decided its not for me; I would rather meet someone in real life and have that instant connection, but that's just me.

I only like older men so I have the opposite issue to you!

Good Luck! Let us know what happens! 🤞

DahliaDelights · 21/09/2026 13:58

You do you, but be prepared for rejection. You can say youre not attracted to men your own age, thats a preference, everyone can have a preference.

Be prepared that the men you find attractive dont find you attractive. And those that do, aren't in it for what you want.

Id say you need to have thick skin in the apps these days, more so if you're dating outside your lane...

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2026 16:45

I mean you have to ask yourself if you would think it a reasonable preference if a 63 year old man would crack on to you and lie about his age to date you?

because if not then you can’t either 😬

MrsPinkSky · 21/09/2026 16:50

You're knocking on the door of 50 and there may well be men 10 or 14 years younger who want to date you but I'd want to know everything about them first.

Especially what they do for a living and whether they have their own home.

There are too many younger men who are sofa surfing and earning very little, who would love an older woman with her own home to 'take care' of them.

ThatLoudCat · 21/09/2026 16:50

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2026 16:45

I mean you have to ask yourself if you would think it a reasonable preference if a 63 year old man would crack on to you and lie about his age to date you?

because if not then you can’t either 😬

Where did the OP mention lying about her age?

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2026 16:54

She didn’t say she would lie 🤷‍♀️ and I didn’t say she did.

I’m just saying she CAN’T lie - she can’t tick the wrong age box if she wouldn’t like a 63 year old doing it to her 😂

FriendlyMedusa · 21/09/2026 16:54

of course younger men are more attractive
Are they? I think you need to challenge that idea. In my experience, well-adjusted folk are most often attracted to those around their own age.

Original poster

EagerGreenEagle · 21/09/2026 19:38

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2026 16:45

I mean you have to ask yourself if you would think it a reasonable preference if a 63 year old man would crack on to you and lie about his age to date you?

because if not then you can’t either 😬

Eh? Where did I have or would lie about my age?

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Original poster

EagerGreenEagle · 21/09/2026 19:39

MrsPinkSky · 21/09/2026 16:50

You're knocking on the door of 50 and there may well be men 10 or 14 years younger who want to date you but I'd want to know everything about them first.

Especially what they do for a living and whether they have their own home.

There are too many younger men who are sofa surfing and earning very little, who would love an older woman with her own home to 'take care' of them.

Good point - I’m definitely not looking to adopt anyone!

OP posts:

Original poster

EagerGreenEagle · 21/09/2026 19:41

DahliaDelights · 21/09/2026 13:58

You do you, but be prepared for rejection. You can say youre not attracted to men your own age, thats a preference, everyone can have a preference.

Be prepared that the men you find attractive dont find you attractive. And those that do, aren't in it for what you want.

Id say you need to have thick skin in the apps these days, more so if you're dating outside your lane...

I think you’re right about needing a thick skin, that’s what I don’t love about apps, it makes it all a bit of game. But yes, at any age or any setting it can be a bummer if there’s a mismatch. To be honest I’ve often had the experience of liking people who didn’t like me back, and vice versa.

OP posts:

Original poster

EagerGreenEagle · 21/09/2026 19:43

SaraHoliday · 21/09/2026 11:23

I think if you've decided to go on a dating app, you're just going to have to try it and see if it works out for you.

I work with someone who is on virtually every dating app and she has some stories to tell! 😬 She says the majority of people aren't the age they have stated and have used an extremely flattering photo of themself. She's in her late 20s and met a man for dinner that was supposedly 35. She said he walked in with white hair and a white fluffy beard (and no it wasn't Santa!). Even when she asked him his age again, he insisted he was 35. To quote her: "he was 35, 30 years ago!". She still had dinner with him though! 😂

I've considered it and decided its not for me; I would rather meet someone in real life and have that instant connection, but that's just me.

I only like older men so I have the opposite issue to you!

Good Luck! Let us know what happens! 🤞

Show quote history

Thanks! God that sounds like an experience for your friend… I think I’ll take it all with a pinch of salt until proven otherwise, you can never tell until you meet in person and I’ve had friends who’ve met great people (sometimes even got married, sometimes great but not right). Never fancied apps really, but I’m conscious of not waiting too long before dipping my toe back in. God where do people even go on dates now?

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beingtakenforafool · 21/09/2026 22:00

i have recently joined apps as well at 51 and funding lots of like from younger men and I am average at best. I am very dubious and only really like back men 46 to 56 as thats my kind of range. Not liking apps to much feels mean swiping and judging people generally on looks and lots of messages that start hi sexy, or your the most beautiful women I have ever seen - yes right.
Even when i have had the odd conversation these generally dry up quickly for no reason ? have had one date though and although no chemistry he was a decent guy and restored my faith that there are some decent guys out there, its just seems you have to find. needle in a haystack

GodshmodIwantmymonkeyman · 21/09/2026 23:37

I watched a documentary about dating site recently and it said that a lot of the young attractive “women”’s profiles were fake. Men would receive messages from what they thought was a young woman but they were actually bots, at least for the first few messages and then they were real people pretending to be someone else.
Maybe the same thing happens to women looking for men.

BibbityBoppityTwo · 21/09/2026 23:44

I think you need to be careful about going too much younger if you’re looking for something serious. It’s fine now, but my parents have a ten year difference and the different rate of aging and corresponding health issues is quite confronting for them. People do it all the time of course, but watching my parents, I don’t think I’d go more than five years either side.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 22/09/2026 07:11

I have a friend who is 40 and is on the apps. She never gets approached by men her own age, but is inundated with men 15 to 20 years younger than her! She won't meet up with 20 year olds but 26 and up she has been out with.

The thing is, these men aren't looking for long term relationships. Casual relationships or sex only. Which my friend is sometimes OK with.

Pinkissmart · 22/09/2026 07:17

Op, go out and have fun, with whatever age man you want. It’s not like you wanted advice on dating 18 year olds. Go for it

Original poster

EagerGreenEagle · 23/09/2026 18:16

Thanks for your replies. I seem
to have sent some energy into the universe because the night before last I had an email from my ex. I should say we never fell out exactly, just grew apart. His industry means he works abroad a lot, and usually in 3-6 month blocks. It’s always been like that and it’s never been an issue. But we started to argue all the time and it just didn’t seem worth it any more. We stayed friends but just drifted. He isn’t asking to get back together but has asked to meet. I feel torn tbh. It’s like the moment I was ready to move on he comes back, and I know it’s just pure coincidence but I want to read something meaningful into it. 😭

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