To think it's impossible to work full time and keep a clean/tidy house without a cleaner?

Or we both have to travel for work at times. So while travelling will order a month of kids lunches on the app, order a food shop to be delivered, order any bits and pieces we’ve run out of, new school uniform and presents for any parties coming up. Organise the nanny and dog walker, put upcoming school events and parties in joint calendar etc - basically whatever we can do remotely to be helpful. It’s not perfect but the feeling someone else is being supportive and doing what they can helps

Yes exactly @beaglescurleduplikebagels often we are juggling who has what meetings at what time on what day. So I’ll do breakfast and getting the kids ready for nursery/nanny before going to work, pop a wash on, wipe down the sides for example, and he’ll do pickup and dinner for the kids, and hang the wash I put on over the airer. Not exactly the same, but both of us doing the best we can with the time we have that day.

Exactly. Lots of people manage by splitting tasks up like that - Bob might not be able to be home to start dinner for example but he can do the online shop and make sure he’s around to put it away, or if Sue can’t be around for after school activities she can do all the weekend ones instead.

Of course very, very few couples will be able to divide every single chore exactly down the middle but you can make it so that they each do 50% of what needs to be done overall, even if that means Bob does more of X and Sue does more of Y.

I don’t think it’s that unusual either. My dad used to cook every night unless he was away, back in the 80s and 90s. My mum mostly stayed at home or worked part time.

Of many of my friends (and me) the women are the higher earners in the relationship. The men do more pickups and drop offs. And yes not at 3.15, from after school club etc. If one person isn’t physically there, they can take responsibility for organising bills, car insurance, ordering cards and presents in bulk for kids parties etc, ordering a food delivery. I know it’s not as good as physical help, but they can do what they can remotely

Most people can't afford a cleaner so YABU.

Robot vacuum cleaner.
Meal prep so less kitchen cleaning
Use shower spray liberally in the bathrooms. Clean bathrooms fortnightly.
Having less clutter massively helps too.

Dont ever dust and polish surfaces, it seems a completely pointless habit.

No, I’m saying if you (generic you) are in a relationship where things are split unfairly then you are always free to leave. Nobody should stay in a relationship where they’re left seething with resentment about things.

No, again, that was my dad who did that…

And a partner who has an inflexible job or a job with long hours can still put their weight 🤷‍♀️ they may not be able to do exactly 50/50 of everything but they could take on all of X while their partner does all of Y.

I didn’t mention a time. My dad worked shifts. He was a police officer.

You’re basically saying everyone should be in a relationship where everything is split 50:50 and if it isn’t that is on the woman for not negotiating that and for putting up with a different scenario- when it really isn’t as simple or easy as that.

But how is a partner that travels and has an inflexible (but perhaps very high paying) job putting up with shit husband? What if they are a great husband but their job is really full on. Your views are so short sighted.

And I didn’t confuse you I said it was another poster was the one whose Dad was watching football at 5 or something. Some people’s Dads didn’t get home until 7/8. Not everyone has the same life experience.

I have literally only just cracked this. I am chronically untidy (embarrassingly so) but have implemented new strategies which are actually working.

I started with a MAJOR declutter. As I went I found everything a home. If it doesn’t have somewhere to go then it gets binned.

i have plastic storage boxes for EVERYTHING. I mean everything.

the dishwasher goes on overnight and is installed first thing so dishes get out straight into it throughout the day rather than left in the sink.

Clothes wash goes straight on as soon as I get home and then gets put on the airer to dry overnight (I’ve got a covered heated one to shorten drying time). Clothes get put away before bed (just stuffed into drawers not folded as I can’t be bothered to fold and it’ll mean that I’ll just avoid putting it away).

I also use the app Sweepy to remind me to do cleaning tasks. DH and the kids are also on it and can be allocated tasks.

my previously very messy house is now very tidy and it’s actually quite easy to keep it so now that I’m in the routine. It did take me ages to find a routine that works. I follow lots of cleaning/tidying people on instagram for ideas.

I do about 20-30 mins a day then one day a week an hour or so

Not impossible but it can be hard. Both DH and I work full time with 2 DCs and DDog with a big house and large garden. I guess for us, it’s little and often. When one cooks, the other cleans and tidies. Jobs get given to the DCs. Cleaning products are kept in all the bathrooms so I’m normally cleaning the bathroom sink and tiles whilst also doing my teeth! Like others have said it’s clutter that takes the time. Get rid of everything not needed and ensure everything has a place.
A friend once told me, if your house is a mess, leave the hoover out. If anyone comes round - they think they’ve caught you in the middle of housework time and won’t judge you!

Are you a single parent?

Also, totally agree about the need to declutter but this also takes time and energy. It definitely helps when there isn't as much stuff to tidy away and everything has a home.

I don't think it's easy when kids are young. Mine just make so much mess that it is a losing battle. Kitchen is cleaned every evening , bathroom every couple of days. On a weekend I'll try to hoover and wash floors. Tidy as much as possible through the week but it's never like a showhome. The people I know who do have a house like that have a cleaner, older children or an only child.

Same!

🤮

Mine too, but then again I often feel like a total outsider on MN when it comes to how people live

It's not "blaming women" to say that it's sad that they feel they have to put up with shit partners.

And who are you to tell me what I can and can't say? My experience was (and is) that men do their share of the school runs, of childcare, of housework. Just because it's not YOUR experience, doesn't mean mine is wrong is any less valid.

I also think you're a bit confused as it was ME who was laughing because my dad was home watching the football - yes, I laughed because it wasn't his normal day to collect me (my mum had meeting) and he forgot. I never said anything about it being my mum's fault 🙄

Again, nobody is blaming women but ultimately nobody (man or woman) should stay in a relationship that is so fundamentally shit and unbalanced, and only one person can change that, and that's the person who is getting the shit end of the deal.

Teens and DH unload and reload the dishwasher. DC never consider washing up or putting stuff away from the draining board (DH occassionally half-heartedly washes up but I usually have to do it again because theres still tangible or visible grease/dirt)

I didn't say that.

Yes ok then. Must be the norm everywhere.

Again you are blaming the women. It’s lucky you had a Dad that could drop you at school. What about if that father wasn’t a local GP and had to
commute and be at a desk for 9am an hour away? It was not usual for Dads to do the school run back then. There’s a few more now due to flexible working.

People (women) are judging others based on their own circumstances which could be very different. They may have had family help, their Dad may have worked locally and never travelled. Etc everyone’s circumstances are different- you can’t call it ‘sad’ just because it doesn’t mirror your circumstances.

Another poster laughing because their Dad was at home watching the footie instead of picking them up. Like as if that was and is the norm? Some people had Dads who travelled abroad for work - but it’s the mother’s fault for putting up with that and somehow they have to make them be home for pick up.

Can’t we look at society, working culture, childcare costs and parental leave and maternity/paternity leave rather than blaming these pathetic women?!