Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I update my builder review after repeated no-shows and ghosting?

37 replies

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:18

Moral dilemma
Bit of background first
6 months ago,I needed a builder for a small job. Advertised the job and Paul got in touch straight away. Came round ,quoted and completed the job in a few days. Asked me to place a review and I gave him a glowing review,full of superlatives,highly recommending him.
A few months later, I had another problem so I contacted Paul directly but explained that it wouldn't be for a couple of weeks as was waiting for school holidays so I could be at home. He replied no problem and to contact him when holidays started. I contacted him on the Friday and he told me to choose any day next week. We arranged for him to come on the Monday to have a look.I had initially phoned him but connection was bad as I was in the woods. So I'd messaged instead and explained why I kept losing signal on the call,he asked why I was in the woods.i told him walking the dog.he asked what sort of dog,told me about his dog and we spent the whole weekend chatting on messenger about what we were doing etc etc.
Monday came,he never turned up or contacted me to explain. So that evening I messaged asking what had happened. He said that he'd forgot as he'd been so busy and rearranged for the following day,again no show but contacted me in the evening to say that his day had been full on but he's definitely getting to me by the end of the week. Thursday evening,he messaged to say it would have to be Monday. I'm beginning to get annoyed but we are still casually chatting on messenger,kind of starting a friendship.
Following Monday ,again no show ,no explanation. I contacted him to say that he was obviously too busy and I'd find another builder. He promised that he'd definitely be round Wednesday afternoon...
Messaged Wednesday afternoon to say he'd definitely be over later and finally turned up at 8pm. Came,had a look at the problem and said he'd message me a quote. Later that evening,he messaged me asking me to go for a dog walk together and have some lunch. So we continue messaging, throughout the day,every day, but particularly every evening,long conversations -talking about our day,having a laugh. He finally sent me a quote five days later. I decided to proceed with the job,based on our friendship. Again, communication regarding the job wasn't great but our chatting about everything else was going really well.We met up,had a walk and lunch ,hugged goodbye in the car park and then he kissed me.
Continued messaging for another week and he asked me out again for the following weekend. This was a Sunday evening,chatting away in the evening and he asked me to go for another walk and lunch , there had been a lot of flirting through messenger since the kiss so I thought we were moving towards a relationship.
He read my last message on the Sunday night but didn't answer,I assumed he fell asleep but didn't hear anything from him over the next few days. I messaged Wednesday evening to ask if everything was alright. Heard nothing until the Sunday evening , the Sunday he had suggested we would meet up,when he messaged to say "all good,had to go to Bournemouth unexpectedly,only just walked through the door". I messaged back to say it was good to know he was ok. Nothing! Left it a few more days then messaged again,asking for a heads up if he was too busy or didn't want our friendship to continue. Still nothing,hasn't read the message so I'm assuming I've been ghosted, which is weird as he's literally gone from suggesting a second meet up to silence.
Now to the dilemma!!
Do I change the review?
If we hadn't been messaging in a friendly way,I would have binned him off as a builder the second time he didn't turn up and explained why in the review but I let him get away with it because I thought we were becoming friends. But if I give him a negative review,which would be truthful,do I look like I'm just doing it because he's ghosted me?
I keep going from needing to be truthful as I don't want other people being messed around with work due to reading my previous,glowing review of him to wondering if I'm just doing it for revenge?
If anyone asked me for a personal recommendation,I'd have to be honest and explain how he kept not turning up without any explanation but if I go back to edit the review to reflect this ,am I just being nasty?
Am I doing it in the hope,that he'll be angry and contact me so I can finally tell him what I think of him? Do I just move on but the fact this great review is there and could persuade people to use him and he does the same to them doesn't sit right.
What would you do???

OP posts:
AnchorWHAT · 21/09/2026 08:46

I would delete the review and block him then forget about him.

MissSookieStackhouse · 21/09/2026 08:56

Leave it. The first review was accurate, so don't change it. I wouldn't leave a second review as by then you were mixing business with pleasure so it would be messy to complain about him ghosting you when that may have been for personal rather than professional reasons. Move on, get another builder and forget about him.

Catza · 21/09/2026 09:43

MissSookieStackhouse · 21/09/2026 08:56

Leave it. The first review was accurate, so don't change it. I wouldn't leave a second review as by then you were mixing business with pleasure so it would be messy to complain about him ghosting you when that may have been for personal rather than professional reasons. Move on, get another builder and forget about him.

Not to mention that he could quite easily reply to that review and state that OP was pursuing him romantically and he felt too uncomfortable to continue providing building services. Or something to that effect.

Elieza · 21/09/2026 17:15

do nothing.
hes not that into you.
the lines between work and pleasure are blurred.

he could easily be married. his wife could for example be a nurse on nightshift and doing overtime too to save up to take their six kids to disney, hence hes lots of free time while she’s asleep or at work.

but seriously, do not mess about with reviews. do not leave or amend one. just drop it and find another tradesperson.

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 17:21

I did not pursue him. I was oblivious to the initial flirting until he told me he liked me.
He had completed the job,finally, before we met up so no I didn't snog him and then expect him to fix my wall.

Thank you for your replies

OP posts:
Beingseenisneedy · 21/09/2026 19:35

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:29

Bonsaibaby Definitely don't think he's married due to the amount of time we spent messaging, in the evening we'd literally spend 2 hours , messaging back and forth in conversation. I know about his previous 11 year relationship and he was very anti -marriage when we were talking ,couldn't see the point of it.
What do you think could backfire and how?

There's a thread about a DH who spends all his evenings in his mancave and ignoring his family, so it is possible to messaging for two hours and be married.
Chuck him back and never mix business with pleasure.
I'd imagine he's doing the same to other single clients.

I know a tradie who at one point was juggling 6 clients as hook ups.

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 19:45

Beingseenisneedy
I realise I'm probably deluded or in denial but by the end we were messaging throughout the day. He'd message first thing in the morning and we'd exchange several messages, this continued throughout the day and up until we fell asleep every single day for about 4 weeks.
He'd send pictures of him cooking his evening meal,the single plate of food on the dining table,sat with his dog on the sofa watching a film. When we met up for the walk and late lunch, we were out from 11am until 6pm.
I really don't want to believe he was married but I'm obviously not a great judge of character!

OP posts:
Beingseenisneedy · 21/09/2026 20:28

Yes, but then he's now ghosting, not going to lead to a happy relationship is it?

Bowies · 22/09/2026 02:01

Lack of boundaries have bitten you in arse. Forget the review. The ghosting was in the context of a potential romantic, rather than professional relationship. Move on.

Menomum1 · 22/09/2026 05:49

The ghosting was not going to be mentioned in the edited review. I wasn't going to change the review to wail to everyone that he kissed me and ghosted me!😆
It would be entirely factual about the repeated arranging to come and look at the job and not turning up without any explanation or turning up late.
I let it slide because he'd faked a friendship with me.
If our "relationship" had remained professional then I would have cancelled him and edited the review to reflect his unreliability and lack of communication (regarding the job) without a second thought.

OP posts:
Lacksie · 22/09/2026 06:11

Menomum1 · 22/09/2026 05:49

The ghosting was not going to be mentioned in the edited review. I wasn't going to change the review to wail to everyone that he kissed me and ghosted me!😆
It would be entirely factual about the repeated arranging to come and look at the job and not turning up without any explanation or turning up late.
I let it slide because he'd faked a friendship with me.
If our "relationship" had remained professional then I would have cancelled him and edited the review to reflect his unreliability and lack of communication (regarding the job) without a second thought.

Yes but what you seem to be missing is that your relationship had already become unprofessional when he started to be flaky. You said you were texting all weekend etc. he stopped treating you like a client and started treating you like a potential romantic interest. At that point he became a flake. So you can't separate the two. Maybe he's never flaky on a professional job but with you he saw coming over as more of a decision about whether to progress the romance or not, and he was on the fence about that.

Dexternight · 22/09/2026 18:49

@Menomum1 invest all your time and energy on something else.
A new hobby perhaps
A walking group, anything to get you out and meeting new people.
Don't waste your energy on this man.
That is all you are doing and disguising as issue with his punctuality in his work

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread