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Should I update my builder review after repeated no-shows and ghosting?

37 replies

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:18

Moral dilemma
Bit of background first
6 months ago,I needed a builder for a small job. Advertised the job and Paul got in touch straight away. Came round ,quoted and completed the job in a few days. Asked me to place a review and I gave him a glowing review,full of superlatives,highly recommending him.
A few months later, I had another problem so I contacted Paul directly but explained that it wouldn't be for a couple of weeks as was waiting for school holidays so I could be at home. He replied no problem and to contact him when holidays started. I contacted him on the Friday and he told me to choose any day next week. We arranged for him to come on the Monday to have a look.I had initially phoned him but connection was bad as I was in the woods. So I'd messaged instead and explained why I kept losing signal on the call,he asked why I was in the woods.i told him walking the dog.he asked what sort of dog,told me about his dog and we spent the whole weekend chatting on messenger about what we were doing etc etc.
Monday came,he never turned up or contacted me to explain. So that evening I messaged asking what had happened. He said that he'd forgot as he'd been so busy and rearranged for the following day,again no show but contacted me in the evening to say that his day had been full on but he's definitely getting to me by the end of the week. Thursday evening,he messaged to say it would have to be Monday. I'm beginning to get annoyed but we are still casually chatting on messenger,kind of starting a friendship.
Following Monday ,again no show ,no explanation. I contacted him to say that he was obviously too busy and I'd find another builder. He promised that he'd definitely be round Wednesday afternoon...
Messaged Wednesday afternoon to say he'd definitely be over later and finally turned up at 8pm. Came,had a look at the problem and said he'd message me a quote. Later that evening,he messaged me asking me to go for a dog walk together and have some lunch. So we continue messaging, throughout the day,every day, but particularly every evening,long conversations -talking about our day,having a laugh. He finally sent me a quote five days later. I decided to proceed with the job,based on our friendship. Again, communication regarding the job wasn't great but our chatting about everything else was going really well.We met up,had a walk and lunch ,hugged goodbye in the car park and then he kissed me.
Continued messaging for another week and he asked me out again for the following weekend. This was a Sunday evening,chatting away in the evening and he asked me to go for another walk and lunch , there had been a lot of flirting through messenger since the kiss so I thought we were moving towards a relationship.
He read my last message on the Sunday night but didn't answer,I assumed he fell asleep but didn't hear anything from him over the next few days. I messaged Wednesday evening to ask if everything was alright. Heard nothing until the Sunday evening , the Sunday he had suggested we would meet up,when he messaged to say "all good,had to go to Bournemouth unexpectedly,only just walked through the door". I messaged back to say it was good to know he was ok. Nothing! Left it a few more days then messaged again,asking for a heads up if he was too busy or didn't want our friendship to continue. Still nothing,hasn't read the message so I'm assuming I've been ghosted, which is weird as he's literally gone from suggesting a second meet up to silence.
Now to the dilemma!!
Do I change the review?
If we hadn't been messaging in a friendly way,I would have binned him off as a builder the second time he didn't turn up and explained why in the review but I let him get away with it because I thought we were becoming friends. But if I give him a negative review,which would be truthful,do I look like I'm just doing it because he's ghosted me?
I keep going from needing to be truthful as I don't want other people being messed around with work due to reading my previous,glowing review of him to wondering if I'm just doing it for revenge?
If anyone asked me for a personal recommendation,I'd have to be honest and explain how he kept not turning up without any explanation but if I go back to edit the review to reflect this ,am I just being nasty?
Am I doing it in the hope,that he'll be angry and contact me so I can finally tell him what I think of him? Do I just move on but the fact this great review is there and could persuade people to use him and he does the same to them doesn't sit right.
What would you do???

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 21/09/2026 06:42

if you edit your original review and are totally factual
(about the no-show/rescheduling, omitting the snog in the car park and messaging for 2 hours about your dogs)
then that cant be a moral dilemma?
he can think you've done it because he ghosted you, but facts are facts.

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:41

Dexternight
Oh do you think I sound bitter??
I admit I'm confused, I'm new to this messaging/flirting/dating stuff. It was all face to face last time I did it!😄
I didn't think I was bitter though,just disappointed.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/09/2026 06:41

Leave an additional review that is short and factual, eg took X failed appointments before he gave a quote and then failed to turn up on Y occasions.

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:37

Blessedbethefruitloops
I was thinking of just deleting it but the reason I chose him was because he had 5 good reviews,it influenced me as I have spent years dealing with tradespeople sucking in air and telling me I needed more doing than I actually do etc etc. I use reviews now to inform my decision,that's what they're for isn't it? So if no one leaves honest reviews then other people are none the wiser.
Although,thinking about it now,knowing he's been self employed for 7 years now, 5 good reviews is actually a small number so maybe he's let other people down but they've just sacked him off rather than leaving a negative review?

OP posts:
macaroon8 · 21/09/2026 06:35

I think this is an excellent example of why business and pleasure should be kept separate.

Leave the original review as it is
Find another handyman
Block the flakey one.

If he's not married he's in a relationship.

Dexternight · 21/09/2026 06:35

You wanted a relationship.
You got ghosted.
You want to get revenge by removing a good review you left earlier which was warranted.
Get another builder.
He is not interested.

Morecoffeeneedef · 21/09/2026 06:32

Your first review was accurate so don't delete it. You could leave a second review saying that you tried to book him for another job but he never turned up so you can't recommend him..

Dexternight · 21/09/2026 06:32

I think you thought there was more in this relationship.
It never became anything and now you are bitter.
That's how it comes across.

Menomum1 · 21/09/2026 06:29

Bonsaibaby Definitely don't think he's married due to the amount of time we spent messaging, in the evening we'd literally spend 2 hours , messaging back and forth in conversation. I know about his previous 11 year relationship and he was very anti -marriage when we were talking ,couldn't see the point of it.
What do you think could backfire and how?

OP posts:
Blessedbethefruitloopss · 21/09/2026 06:25

Can you delete your original review?

Bonsaibaby · 21/09/2026 06:22

I think it would backfire. Do you think he’s married?

comealongdobbeh · 21/09/2026 06:21

You keep calling it a friendship but it sounds like more than that, at least on reading your side of it.

Just leave the review as it is. Changing it now would reflect badly on you.

Learn your lesson and move on.