AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

See a solicitor.

Hi OP, I am in a sort of similar financial situation in that I was a trailing spouse for a long time so I don't have anywhere near the pension built up that my husband has.
As far as the law and the finance stuff goes, as I understand it you are entitled to half the marital assets and that would include the pension, and since your husband is now ocer 55 (changing to 57 soon) he can actually take capital out of his pension now but in any case even if not, it would still be included in the calculation of how much you were entitled to. A colleague of mine in my first job was in this situation, his wife left when he was in his 40s and in their settlement he ended up paying out of savings, which he never missed an opportunity to whine about (I was on night shifts eith the guy and I soon started to understand why his Mrs left, he was unbearable)
From the "moral" standpoint of course you are entitled to half. You spent your early adulthood at home with the kids facilitating your husband's life, ensuring he could have a family life but also give himself 100% to his work. Once the work of childcare was over you were hardly in a position to walk into the sort of job that would make any difference to your financial position as a couple. I guess you could have gone and tried to get whatever work you could but I daresay you would have still been lumped with all the housework and home admin and genuinely it was probably generating more income if you continued to do that and freed him up to keep focusing 100% on his work, as partners in a marriage equal but different - which is the kind of calculation people are very keen for you to make while you are a housewife/SAHM in my experience but then when you want to leave you're expected to fold yourself up into a wee suitcase and carry yourself out with only whatever you brought in, as if you were only ever the hired help? Bugger that.
I wish you the best of luck going forward. Stop listening to your husband, he is not going to be on your side on this. (I find that for this sort of financial scenarios planning Chatgpt can be super helpful as long as you ask it to provide links and references so it checks everything against UK law). Then, get a lawyer, get your half, and enjoy your retirement doing whatever the hell you fancy doing.

No, you should not be entitled to any of his future inheritance or earnings !!! How grabby .

It may have lasted forever apparently, but it sounds like you’re divorcing him? Apparently, for continuing to work when that work is what has kept you your whole life. If you want to be independent you need to become more financially literate and realistic about your circumstances. Your income and lifestyle will have to change dramatically. You may need to find work. Independence also means working and paying your own way. You can’t have it both ways.

OP ignore most of these comments, they come from people who don't understand what it's like to be rich. My DC are in private school and even at my age there are still several women who don't work and I doubt ever will.

You'll get half of assets. It might be better for you to keep the house and a smaller share of the pension as he can still get a mortgage if he's working but you can't. Just get off mumsnet and get a good solicitor.

You’re not greedy OP. The ones saying you are don’t understand the deep rooted misogyny at play.

Take what you can and I hope you find your peace and joy.

I don’t think the op is greedy but unrealistic. She will get half of a house but says that won’t be enough to get her something new. Well she just needs to find something within budget but very likely it will require downsizing but she is in her sixties, she doesn’t need a large family home.

Agree with this. the majority of people won’t understand your situation. ‘Get a job’ at 60 years old is not helpful nor practical advice.
see a good solicitor. Sadly it won’t make any difference if he’s been sh@@ging around for years.
Wishing you well - freedom and happiness from a serial adulterer by the sound of it .

if he says you can half half the income from the pension fund but that it’s impossible to give you half the value of the fund I assume that’s because there’s a rule about withdrawing the money from where it is? I know I have a sipp and if I were to withdraw it early or in a lump sum I’d have to pay 20% of the value back to the govt. If he’s a higher rate tax payer this is likely to be a higher percentage.

You need to see a solicitor and they will advise. When my mum divorced my dad she got half of his pension in a pension sharing order. But not as a lump sum of cash. I believe the pension company just effectively split the pension into two accounts and it carried on as normal with two smaller payouts.

i don’t see what the issue is really. You will need a regular monthly income and the pension will provide that?

If the house is worth 800k remember you won’t end up with 400k. There will be solicitor fees and estate agent fees which eat into this. When buying you will probably have to pay stamp duty. The house may not sell for years, or not for the price you want. You say you’ll struggle to buy in London for 400k. Well you may only get 350k…..can you not leave London and move somewhere cheaper?

Everything is added together and split - 50/50 being the starting point. I know people who have had a clean split - with one person getting more of the house value and the other keeping more pension or all pension and others who’ve had to spilt the house and wait for pension money later.
i’m not sure why you’re getting hassle OP, I thought the days of slagging off the partner who raised the kids and ran the home rather than contributing more financially were over.
And I say that as a mum who always worked.

You should have half of his pension. How you take it is another matter. In some divorces one party has eg the whole house, so the pension isn’t cracked open. There are financial implications to releasing cash from a pension

I think that rather the point is that she may not be rich anymore after the divorce, and one can’t have just whatever one wants: divorce, the guarantee of being able to maintain a comfortable life without working, more than 50% of martial assets, and future inheritance… If being rich leaves you totally devoid of understanding, realism, knowledge of the law or budgeting, then yes, most people on this thread don’t understand! :D

You might have to move to somewhere else. There are many beautiful and interesting places where £400k will buy a lovely house.

This comment is disgusting. It’s a lifestyle they both chose and could afford. How judgemental.

I don’t really understand what he is offering you re the pension but usually half of his fund would be transferred into a pension fund in your name.

You would then use this fund to generate an income in your retirement. Likewise half of your pension would be transferred to a pension fund in his name (in reality you would net the two off against each other)

How much is in the pension funds? You do need a lawyer but it would be useful if the two of you came to an amicable agreement before instructing a lawyer.

edited to add - have you done the maths on the finances post split and how you will support yourself?

Because these posters are green with envy. They have to validate their own lives by insulting yours when your and your ex's choice for you to be a housewife didn't affect anyone else.

You are entitled to half of everything, as you know. To know exactly how things will be split, you'll need to see a solicitor. But it sounds like your ex is happy to split 50-50. Best of luck!

@DivorcingDebbie25 You have worked, but just not for money. I did work until second child and I’m exactly the same as you, but 10 years older.

My DHs former work partner had secret savings. His wife didn’t know but DH suspected it. She did find out when they divorced so I would never assume there are no savings. Do you know what his earnings were and bonuses etc? Whst about shares and dividends?

The work you have done is equivalent to his work. I’d see a decent family solicitor who knows about money. You need a clear steer and advice but the starting point is 50:50 for all marital assets and that’s pensions too. It’s all in the marital pot. There’s nothing accumulated before marriage so any savings during the marriage are included. Just make sure you see a solicitor clued up on marital finance.

I think getting a job at 60 is difficult but I’m surprised that you don’t have enough value in the house to split it in two to both acquire something reasonable.

Retirement age is a few years away so I’m not sure why you couldn’t work now?

@DivorcingDebbie25

Ignore the criticism.

Whilst most women of your age (I am slightly older) worked at some point, I do know a few that didn’t, like you they had husbands in high paid careers. I also have relatives that are slightly older than you (late 60s and early 70s) who married at 19/20 like you, and then have never worked. It was fairly common back in the day.

In answer to your main question, yes you will get half of the joint pension value, put into a pension of your own. The calculations will be done by actuaries, and then you will probably be advised to see a Financial advisor to decide where exactly you put the pension money (you won’t get it as cash, but will be able to access the pension straight away given your age). Ignore anything your husband says to the contrary, he will get a shock when you both go into financial mediation (which I think is compulsory).

You also need to see how much state pension you have accrued, hopefully you claimed child benefit when the kids were young which would have given you NI credits. This could have a bearing on your final settlement too.

A close friend of my best friend is going through similar at moment, of interest as my best friend has lent her money whilst she is sorting divorce finances out, and thus is keen for them to reach a financial settlement and she get her money back.

It has taken a while, due to pensions being from local govt and slow to give valuations. They have had a number of financial mediation meetings together and apart with solicitors, to thrash out the details of the financial settlement. If that can’t be done, I believe it will go before a judge.

Unfortunately you will not get any of his inheritance. The friend of a friend above inherited a few months before they split, and she hasn’t been made to share it with ex husband.

Similar with income, you will be expected to earn it, but if the pension is large enough, you might get a decent monthly payment straight away.

Please get yourself some decent legal advise, that is crucial.

@DivorcingDebbie25
No clue why you are getting hard time you are entitled to half...

Speak to your lawyer.
I said it upthread but I would NOT trade pension for cash now.
400k will absolutely buy you something in any london area where a house is 800k

I'm in my 60s. There were a handful of women in my peer group who were SAHMs. And virtually all of those returned to work when their kids reached school age. Very few women of my generation could afford not to work for decades. (Although I don't know lots of private school mums, to be fair, and their circumstances might be different.)

Why should she be entitled or allowed a penny of a pension she didn’t work for? She chose not to contribute for 40 whole years even when her children were/are grown ass adults.

She’s had more than her fair share out of her nearly ex husbands pockets for the last 40 years so for me no she shouldn’t be entitled to a penny of his hard earned pension when she chose not to work for a single day which blows my mind her children are adults she’s just chose to sit on her bottom for the last 35 years now expects him to continue to make her comfy for that.

how do I know he’s worked hard? He clearly has worked hard for a good enough pension for the OP to be going after considering he’s the only one that worked ever. For the last 40 years he’s definitely managed to make HIMSELF quite a nice pot to retire on. He has no obligation to fund a woman’s life who could have picked up her own income at any point but chose not to.

Because legally it’s a marital asset. It’s quite simple.

Only when the children were young, she has had twenty years when she could have worked, the husband didn’t need her at home to excel in his career, once the children were grown up. The op admits she only pottered about.