AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

Don't divorce and if he kicks the bucket before you, you'll get it all.

When friend got divorced her now exh’s pension was calculated using the cash amount so in your case ,several million + house, car and his business
if your dh is self employed you will also need to look at getting his business valued.

You need a good lawyer.

I find it interesting he has put several million into his pension yet you live in what must be a fairly modest house
Cynical me would say he has made the mistake of several men I know who thought that anything in their sole name was theirs to keep.

Pension in his name he has thought that was his to keep.

House in joint names was what he had to share.

Business in his name is his alone.

Your pension is yours.

They are all marital assets that need valuing and dividing by 2 at the very least.

This is why it’s a terrible idea to rely on a man. What did you mean when you said no one would expect you to get a job in your 60’s? Why wouldn’t you ?
Is he paying your legal fees as well ? He’s paying your solicitor to try and get more money out of him?

How exactly is she sponging off 'her sisters' by asking for her equal share in divorce?
I'll repeat what I said earlier - her contribution to the marriage as a housewife is EQUAL to his as the wage earner. Marriage is a contract - "all my worldly goods" are shared. That's what he promised, that's what she promised, that what is delivered after a long marriage with her, where he was in full agreement that did the domestic stuff, while he earned the money.

Exactly. I don’t understand all those spiteful comments unless they are jealous that they had to work in their marriages when the OP didn’t.

A lot of MNers will call you a leech and a lazy bitch because.....well they have their own resentment. Dont ask here, trust your lawyer, Whatever they cost you will be repaid back ten times over.

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/stay-home-mum-50-divorced-no-pension-3628292?srsltid=AU7gw4WB4xDMCorFbAfwfCHKyO-K42TtcCuYR06GEfJOboPbc_A0vRnJ

No one would expect her to be able to get a job in her 60's. I am in my 50's and have come to peace with staying in a job I hate because the chances are no one will give me another one. I have recent experience and knowledge, @DivorcingDebbie25 doesnt. So the chances of her getting a job are slim. Sorry @DivorcingDebbie25 but there it is!

Same age, I wasn't sponging when I didnt work outside the home. There is academic evidence that supports that particularly young boys in childcare (full time) do less well. That's why WE didnt send our DS to nursery FT. Joint decision. Funny when divorce and OW turn up that joint decision is forgotten. Mums: every decision, that affects your future income/career get it in writing.

I didn’t say she was sponging off her sisters
I was disputing the earlier statement that it was normal for my generation of women not to ever work

I agree the chances of her getting a job are slim. It’s just the her attitude seems to be expecting to be kept. Now she’s no longer a housewife what’s she going to do for the next 20 years ? Sounds like a boring life.

What's she going to do for the next 20 years ? The world could be her oyster . She could remarry . She could travel extensively with her % of that pension. Why not ?

Well, you did.

I am 61 and didn’t sponge off my sisters neither did my sisters or friends or indeed my mother or aunts
I had more self respect

It is totally normal for women to take a domestic role, when finances allow and the family can thrive on one high salaried spouse.
A high salary frequently requires long working hours, trips away - if both couples want this, wrap around nanny care is required, OR one parent (usually the woman) takes the career hit to care for the DC. This is recognised in divorce law - and make no mistake, feminists had to fight for that recognition.
A woman taking a career break - ie. a career sacrifice - to care for the children, or even just be a housewife, is very well recognised in law. It's one of the biggest achievements in feminism, because of the gender role stereotyping endemic in society as to who is responsible for childcare and housework (hint, it's usually the woman). So don't dismiss one of the greatest achievements for women's equality of the past 100 years. Domestic care and earning the money in a marriage are considered equal in divorce.

Lets not forget that he wanted @DivorcingDebbie25 not to work because it shored up his image of a successful man who's kids were at private school and a wife who didnt need to work.

So he is reaping the consequences of that decision.

Wow you have such a moochie attitude. I get being a SAHM but seriously your youngest is 38. You are entitled to a share but probably not 50% of his pension. I think you might need to reevaluate your lifestyle or where you live. I think this is a sad post in some ways as you seem to have built no life outside of this marriage. Praying you find the right path.

I'm 50, married with grown up kids and work full time, and am the higher earner, but I know loads of women my age where I live (wealthy commuter town in SE England) , and five to fifteen years older who are married with older kids now and still only have low paid part time jobs with high earning husbands. Some never had a career and some gave it up when they had kids. I hardly know anyone else in my area who is the higher earner or who works full time tbh.

I can't see that they would be in much of a different position than the OP on divorce. So while not working at all is not so common, being in some way financially dependent on a high earning husband isn't uncommon, nor in younger age groups either. For many, the cost of childcare obliterates the point of working, or there is a tipping point where it stops being worthwhile.

There is a lot of unchecked unacceptable misogyny on Mumsnet these days. If it were me running it, I would have a very different set of house rules.

You need proper financial and legal advice. You can make a strong argument that you facilitated his high-flying corporate career (if it was high-flying) -many jobs for this generation ( ie for those of us in our 60s) assumed that the man had a wife who facilitated his career. Did you move around and have to manage family moves and other kinds of career interruptions?

You mention you have a pension fund - you’d have to equalise both pots. If you want half of his, he should have half of yours …

How do you think that happens ?

None of this matters at all, it’s a long marriage, the starting point is 50/50 then the deciding factor is what OP needs to buy a house, whether she can get a mortgage etc

the law doesn’t cast judgement on her employment history! However in most cases there would be an expectation of clean break and both parties to maximise their earning potential.

Speak with a solicitor, OP. I’d be really surprised if after 40 years you didn’t get half of all shared assets. The pension can be withdrawn in cash when the divorce goes through but it might be heavily taxed, especially from next year.
People are so jealous here, it’s incredible. It must be so hard to completely restart your life after such a long time together. Where is the sympathy for that from all these commenters.
Also my friend managed to get her ex pay for majority of solicitor costs. (But the overall amount of their divorce fees were also staggering in the end.)

Maybe see a solicitor yourself and get proper advice.

Your house in London is worth more than £800k unless it's an absolute hovel in an outer zone.

Flats are rapidly reducing in price, due to the changed letting laws. They're currently (and unusually) cheaper than half a house.

What you need is half the combined pension plans, not the cash from his. As PPs have pointed out, you can take an early pension and it will be your only income until you reach SPA.

Some people are being very judgey. You've been married 40 years, you're entitled to half the assets. It's not greedy to want paying for your unpaid labour.

I don't know how the split of pensions work but I think you're suggesting he gives you a lump sum to the value of half the pensions which I don't think is fair. He doesn't get his pension in a lump sum and he may die before he gets his full pension. You're essentially asking him to buy you out of his pension.

Its fair if he's able to transfer some of his pension into your pension so you both leave with pensions of the same value. Not you leaving with a lump sum of money and him with his locked away in a pension.

But I don't really know how pensions work so you probably definitely need legal advice.

Half the pension fund is done with the pension companies, who transfer 50% to your “pension fund”. This can be a newly set up one. It does involve getting an actuary report who advise how to split the pensions (my Ex had multiple pensions so I got all of some pots and a share of others , and he kept some). You will need a financial advisor to advise on how to re-invest the pension.
If you are over 55 you can draw some funds out as cash tax free.

It cannot be withdrawn as cash. It has to stay in a pension structure.

I'm in that age group and while most of my circle gave up work to raise the children (although some did part time work as well) I don't know anyone who continued to stay at home once the kids were at secondary school. It really isn't common to not work at all over a whole marriage. In fact I don't know any women who never worked at all in their later years, not even in my parents' generation.